My Life with the Rymans

Chapter 40

The next morning is hazy as I wake up with a pounding headache in Tori's bed, completely naked. I groggily turn to her and groan as I do because it hurts to move. She opens her eyes seconds later and squints, "oh, my god, it's so fucking bright in here!" I cringe, "please, not above a whisper, I'm dying," I whine. Her tits spill out from underneath the sheet as she turns her body towards me. Flashes of last night play in my head. More drinking after Tori and I talked and finally we retreated to her room and had sex. For hours. Touching, caressing, kissing. I can't even count how many times I gave her oral. I'm not sure I've ever had so much sex in one night. It was amazing. I smile remembering it. "What's that smile for," Tori asks sleepily. "I'm thinking of last night, it was goddamn amazing. You are amazing, Tori," I say, rubbing her tits. "I never wanted to stop. I never want to stop touching you," she says with a slight moan as I continue rubbing her and then suck playfully on her nipple. I stop for a second and say, "well, let's not then. Let's not stop." She raises her brow with confusion. "I'm serious. This is so damn good, Tori. We are so good together. Nobody has ever made me feel so fucking good, baby. Can we just try this, for real?" She sits up and brings the sheet to her chest. "Lizzy, we talked about this. Nothing has changed. You're still there and I'm still here." I sit up as well. "It's not like I'm on the other side of the country, though. I'm only an hour and a half away. We can make it work. I know we can. I think..." I hesitate, take a deep breath and continue while she stares at me intently, "I think I'm...falling for you. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about you. That has to mean something." She shakes her head, "Lizzy, we barely know each other. It's just the sex talking." I put my head in my hands, "it's not. I feel like I know you well enough, Tor. Please, hear me when I say that I want you. I want you and just you. I love you." A pained expression plays on her face as she jumps out of bed and starts to get dressed, saying nothing. My hearty stops. "What are you doing," I ask. "Lizzy, I love being with you, trust me, I do. You're an amazing person and you'd make a great partner. But I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship. Twice. You agreed and said you weren't either." I lay there, defeated and broken. I sit for a moment before I say, "I didn't want a relationship. I meant what I said but that was before you. It was before I was gone and all I wanted was you." I stand up and get dressed as well, not knowing what else to do. Tori looks light she might cry and it makes tears well up in my eyes. I fight them back. "I'm sorry, Liz. I can't do this right now," she says as she opens her bedroom door. I grab her arm and pull her to me. "What are you so afraid of?" I ask louder than I intended. She stops and gently pulls her arms away and shakes her head. "I'm not afraid of anything. I think you're just lonely, Liz. It's not the right time." And she's out the door. I then hear her open the apartment door and she's gone with a slam. It feels like someone punched me in the stomach.

I sit on her bed gathering myself. Taking deep breaths so I don't cry. I can't help the tears, they fall anyway and I let them for about twenty minutes. I finally pick myself up and leave her bedroom. Jillian sits on the couch. "Is everything okay? Tori seemed upset," she says but I don't acknowledge her as I beeline for the door. Thankfully, she doesn't follow me and I drive back to school.

I don't leave my bed for the next two days. I take my medication as the doctor directed hoping it will help but it doesn't. I am sleeping a lot, so maybe it is. Sam is concerned, she asks what she can do, how she can help me but I tell her I'm fine. She brings me food but I don't eat it. I can't. I've never felt so sick. Tomorrow is Monday and I have to get my shit together and go to class. I decide to take a shower and get dressed. I call Noah.

"Noah, can you meet me for a bite to eat? I really need to talk."
"Sure, Liz. Oliver's?"
"You read my mind. See you in a few."

Oliver's is our go-to. It's an old sandwich shop ran by an older couple, Oliver and Greta Brown. The first time we went there Oliver greeted us personally and told us about he and Greta's love story. They met during World War 2 when he was a soldier and Greta was a young German girl. Both 19 years old. They weren't supposed to fall in love but Oliver was smitten and they'd have clandestine conversations and meetings for months. When the war was over he went back to Georgia and thought he'd never see her again. Overcome with desperation and love, he saved every penny he earned for a year and bought a one way ticket to Germany. He found her two days after he arrived and they've been together ever since. His story was so beautiful it made me cry. They opened this shop in 1965 and raised their family here. The food is incredible.

I tell Noah everything about what happened with Tori, sparing no details. His mouth is agape when I finish. "Liz, I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than telling someone you love them and not hearing it back. Trust me, I've been there." I sigh. "I really thought she loved me, Noah," I say, a single tear escaping from my eye. I wipe it away and take a deep breath. Noah grabs my hand, "just because she didn't say it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She may be scared to let herself get there. You said she went through a breakup before moving here, right?" I nod, "yeah, but she's never really talked much about her, Gia. She said it was messy and hard but I don't know anything more than that." Noah says, "it sounds like she got her heart broken and doesn't want that to happen again. You may not want to hear this but I'm going to tell you anyway because I care about you." I stare at him and shrug. He continues, "you need to give her space. Don't call, don't visit Jillian unless you know Tori isn't there. Try your best to forget she exists. And if you run into her organically a while from now, who knows what might happen? But now isn't the time. Seeing or talking to her is just going to mess with your head. And you definitely can't sleep with her again." I groan and put my head down on the table. I know he's right. "How do you know so much," I ask, frustrated. "His name is Drew. He was my first love. We were best friends and I thought it could be more than that. We kissed one night. He was confused and he wasn't ready. I'm sure you can guess that we aren't friends anymore." Our food comes and suddenly I'm starving. I stare at the pastrami sandwich in front of me and pause. "Noah, I'm so sorry. That's awful. But now I'm even more depressed. Thanks a lot," I say and throw a ketchup packet at him. He catches it and gestures towards his shirt, "hey! Are you an animal?! This is vintage Dior, Liz!" I laugh so hard I spit out my soda.