My Life with the Rymans

Chapter 39

Sam and I leave campus Friday around 7 pm and drive to Jillian's. I decide on a lacy cropped tank top I just bought and oversized jeans. We grab a few pizzas on the way and when we arrive there are already a few people there. Beth, Danny, Brooks, Harris, etc. I am so happy to see my friends that I scream as I walk and hug everyone. "Okay weirdo, I missed you too," said Jillian. "Oh shut up and take shot with me, birthday girl," I demand. I pour us two tequila shots and I instantly feel a sense of relief come over me. I can't help myself so I ask with only Jillian around to hear, "where's Tori?" She rolls her eyes, "sure, the real reason you're here," she jokes. "She's working but she said she should be clocking out by 10 and if she doesn't go out with her work friends then she'll be here. I haven't seen her much the past couple of weeks. I almost wonder if she's seeing someone," she says. I can't help the disappointment that comes over me. I push it down and say, "oh, cool. Well, good for her. If she's seeing someone, I mean. Where's Brendan," I ask, changing the subject. Jillian scowls, " who fucking knows. We had a big fight last night. I'll spare you the details but he's a fucking idiot. He says he's still coming but I haven't returned his calls all day." I put my arm around her, "sorry, Jill. That sucks." She sighs then laughs, "if he doesn't come, I'm holding you to a drunk make out later." I laugh, "deal."

An hour later, more people begin to trickle in. A few I've never seen before which is different. I ask Sam if she's seen some of them before and she shakes her head, no. Three girls, one very tall and thin with red hair, the other two shorter, curvier. All beautiful. A guy joins them. Almost as if reading my mind, Jillian walks over to a group of us with them and introduces them. "Guys, this is Remi, Andrea, Lydia and Michael. They're friends of Tori's," she says. That makes sense. "We're your friends too, crazy," says Remi, the tall and thin one. She reminds me of Tori. "It's nice to meet you guys," I say. "You must be Lizzy," Remi says before Jillian has a chance to tell them my name. Taken aback, I answer, "yeah, how'd you know?" She smirked and said, "you're pretty much exactly as Tor described you. She was right, you're hot." I blush from embarrassment and flattery simultaneously. Jillian giggles and takes them over to the bar for drinks and I'm thankful for her so I didn't have to respond. Sam whispers, "well, she's clearly talked about you a lot so I'd say you're in." I jab her with my elbow, "Sam! Stop it. Ugh, I need another drink." Just as the words leave my mouth Devin walks in with Brendan. I never knew them to hang out much. My heart drops in to my ass and I turn immediately back to the bar and drink tequila straight from the bottle. Remi is next to me and she laughs, "impressive." I smile. She continues, "sorry if I embarrassed you earlier. Unfortunately, I have trouble filtering my thoughts. I'm bisexual, like you." Jesus, did Tori tell this girl my entire life story? I say nothing and she speaks again, "look, all of this is new to me, I've only been out for a few months. If you ever want to talk with a likeminded person, I could use it." I shrug, "I'm new at this too so I'm not sure how much help I'd be but, sure. Anytime."

She walks away and as I turn Devin is there, right in front of me, waiting. I feign surprise like I hadn't seen him come in. "Hi!", I say way too enthusiastically. He laughs softly, "hey, Liz. It's so good to see you. How's school?" I relax a little. "It's...hard. And overwhelming. Intimidating. Just a lot of things," I ramble, "what about you? How are you," I ask. He smiles, "I'm good. Busy with class and work. But I like it that way. Takes up most of my time. Can we sit and talk for a second and catch up?" I hesitate but follow him outside. Almost everyone is inside so it's quiet as we sit in the courtyard. I speak first, "I'm glad everything is going well for you. I want you to be happy." He looks at me, never breaking eye contact and says, "I never stop thinking about you. Ever. I miss you like crazy. I even called your dorm once. But when you didn't call me back I assumed you wanted space and that was the whole reason for our break up and then I just felt like an asshole for even bothering you." I raise my brows, confused, "I didn't know you called, Devin. Seriously. If I had known you'd called I would have called you back. I would never ignore you. No matter what happens, I wouldn't do that." He sighs, relieved. "Oh, well that makes me feel a little better. I just want things to be good between us. I'm not suggesting we get back together because you're still there and I'm still, well, here but I still love you, maybe even more than I did before. Seeing you, here, now just does something to me. You're it for me, Lizzy." I'm speechless. His confession knocks this wind out of me. "I don't know what to say. I didn't expect any of that. I do love you, Devin, but nothing's changed, as you said. I don't think it's a good idea for us to be spending time together. I'm sorry to be so...blunt. I don't want to hurt you." He shakes his head. "I know that. I'm sorry to just bombard you like that. That's not fair. I just had to tell you. I'll let you enjoy your evening. I'm not staying long anyway." He stands up and I tug on his arm, "I'm sorry, Devin. I am." He smiles, a very forced smile, "me too. It was great seeing you." He leaves me alone outside and I can't feel my legs. I sit here for another fifteen minutes finishing my drink.

Devin stays true to his word because not long after I'm back inside he leaves and I feel like absolute shit. I sit on the couch and Jillian joins me. "I know that couldn't have been a fun conversation." I can't help it, I tear up and rest my head on her shoulder. "I feel horrible. I can't see him again. Not for a long time. I wasn't expecting him to still be...I don't know," is at searching for the words. "You mean pining for you like a lovesick puppy dog," she teases but I don't laugh. I'm not in the mood. "If it makes you feel any better Brendan is still being a jerk. I told him to leave me alone and he did, he left with Devin." I look up at her, "ugh, Jill, I'm sorry." She sighs, "I don't care right now. I'll talk to him tomorrow but I'm not going to let him ruin my night with my friends. Now come on, get off your ass and let's get a drink and have some fun." I reluctantly do as she says and after a drink a lot of us girls dance and laugh. The most fun I've had in over a month.

An hour or so later, the door opens and it's Tori. I immediately break out in chills. All over. My eyes meet hers and she smiles and waves at me from across the room. I wave back and keep dancing, trying not to see too eager. Jillian looks at me and says, "uh-oh." I swat at her, "shut the fuck up," I snap and she laughs.

After I'm tired and hot from dancing, and the alcohol, I walk back outside for some air. A minute later the back door slides open. Tori. "Hey," I say. She walks over to me. "Hey, Liz, it's been a while, I wondered when you'd come home." I nod, "I wanted to sooner but it's been crazy. At school, I mean." I'm flustered and I hate it. She always makes me feel like this, so easily. "I thought about calling you a few times but I was afraid I'd be bothering you," I say. She places her hand on the small of my back and says close to my face, "there's nothing you could do to that would bother me." My spine tingles. "Are you seeing anyone, at school, I mean," she asks. I shake my head no, unable to speak. "Me either, I'm not seeing anyone either," she says. "I've had...opportunities. And some of them have panned out but I'm not attached," she continues. My mouth waters, "oh yeah?" It's all I can manage to say. "Yeah, so since you're here and if you wanted to.." I interrupt, "oh, I want to. Absolutely." She kisses me softly and I never want it to end. "My god, I've fucking missed you, your lips, your tongue," I say, looking her body up and down in her barely there dress. I want nothing more than to rip it off, right here, now. She smiles and says, "stay with me. Tonight." I nod, "I will." We kiss again for a little while longer and then go back into the party. I'm beaming like an idiot and I don't care.