My Life with the Rymans

Chapter 17

The next morning, I wake up at 7 fucking AM to Devin snoring. 7 AM. What the fuck. Tequila hangover is a whole other evil. I sit up, ohhh fuck that was a mistake. I sprint to the bathroom and barely make the toilet to puke. I feel like the fucking exorcist. I throw up 3 more times. It fucking hurts. I lie on the bathroom tile for a few minutes until I find the strength to get up.

Devin is still out. I wonder if I should wake him but he looks so peaceful. I lie back in bed to try and get more sleep. I know my mom won't be back until later in the morning. Even if she comes back early I don't care if she knows he's here.

Of course I can't go back to sleep, my mind is fucking all over the place after last night. For many reasons, I will never step foot in that house again. It's cursed. Devin rolls over and looks at me. He's very groggy and disoriented. It's so cute. "Hey," I say. He breathes in and tries to sit up, "nope, nope, nope," he slumps back down. "That was a bad idea," I laugh. "Are you good?", I ask. He shakes his head. "Do you need to throw up?" He winces, "Ugh, don't say those words. No, I think I'm good." I giggle. "I'll go get us some water."

Devin finally sits up and downs water. "Let's go get some breakfast. Please. Before I die, you drive." I get dressed, he goes to the bathroom and I hear, "oh, god, please nooo." Oh, he's vomiting. A lot. Yikes. I bring him more water. "Liz, I'm sorry if you heard that," he says. I laugh, "I think the neighbors heard that." He swats me away. "Okay, okay. I'll be in the car, pukey."

I love this. Not the vomit, obviously, but the fun, the easygoing of it all. I don't have to tiptoe around Devin's feelings constantly or worry if I'm going to say something to set him off to make him cold shoulder me for days. He slides into the passenger seat, "ughhhhhh. This is why I only drink beer. Don't ever give me tequila again. You're a terrible, awful influence, Draper. You're paying for breakfast." I giggle harder, "deal." I turn to him, "I did it too you know, before you woke up, you don't hear me crying about it," I tease. "Shut up, Lizzy." I flip him off and he grabs my finger and puts my hand in his. I'm too hungover for this but I let it happen. It's nice.

We go to the same diner that we had lunch at last weekend, The Ugly Duckling. Devin orders a breakfast sandwich, a waffle, hashbrowns, and chicken fingers. I'm flabbergasted. I order pancakes and bacon. "There's absolutely no way you can eat all that food." He smiles. "Watch me. You're about to see something real special." Our food comes and sure enough, he eats every bite. "Color me impressed and proved wrong." He drinks the rest of his coffee. "This is a delicate situation, Liz. I wouldn't expect someone of your stature to understand." I throw a sugar packet at him. "Does this mean you think I'm sweet? Aw, thanks, Lizzy!" I burst into laughter. Oh, my god I had no idea it could be like this with him. Why wasn't it like this before? I guess it was nerves? Maybe we've been through so much shit the ice is shattered by now? I don't know, but this is so fun. We've never flirted like this.

We get back to my house around 10:30 and my mom's car is there. I decide to spare Devin with the innate questions I know will come if I make him come inside. "Thanks again, Devin. For, well, you know. This morning was fun. Even hungover." He pushed my hair behind my ears, "it was fun. But, breakfast doesn't cut it. After what you did to me last night feeding me that... poison, you still owe me," I smile teasingly, "what else could I possibly owe you, crazy?" He brings a finger to his chin, "I'll mull it over and get back to you." I smack his head lightly. "Bye Pukey McPukerson." He snorts, "bye Tequila Killer." I sit in my car as he drives away.

My mom is inside watching TV. I sit down beside her, "good morning, mom," I say. "Well, you're in a good mood." I smile, despite everything that happened in the last 72 hours I kind of am. "Yes I guess I am. I had a good night." She raised her brows. "That's nice. I'm glad you had fun. Was that Devin's truck in the driveway this morning?" Here we go. "Yeah, we saw each other at the party last night and made plans to get breakfast this morning, so that's what we did." She nodded like she didn't believe me but she didn't say anything else. "I'm going to the grocery store after I get my hair done, do you want anything?" I shake my head. She leaves. 15 minutes later the phone rings. It's Bonnie. I have to puke again.

"Liz, hi. Can you come over? So we can talk? Last night was awful, and when I saw you leaving with Devin, I.."
I interrupt. "Bonnie, I really don't have anything to say to you, you're actually the last person I want to talk to."
She ignores me. "I'm coming over." She hangs up.

10 minutes later the doorbell rings. I open the door and walk back in without greeting her. I go upstairs to my room. She follows behind. When she gets in the room I slam the door and sit in my desk chair. She sits on the bed. "Speak." I say.

"I can't believe you left the party with Devin." I slow blink and take a deep breath. "THAT's what you have to say? Are you serious? That's what this is about? Not that I owe you any explanation, he took me home and it was clear he was too drunk to be driving, so he stayed here. Nothing happened. That's all you have to say?" She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, Lizzy. Things were said, we were both...impaired. Shit happens." I gasp. "Shit happens? The way you spoke to me last night was some of the worst things anyone has ever said to me. Ever. You called me an attention whore. You called me Virgin Lizzy. You accused me of having sex with Devin the other day, by the way, how did you even know he was here?" She shrugged, "I drove by your house." I was confused. "Why did you drive by my house? Were you going to come in?" She shook her head, "no, Steph said she saw Devin with flowers leaving the house so I wanted to see if they were for you, and I was right. I saw you and him on the steps, hugging." I stand up, "let me get this straight. You refuse to go to my grandmother's funeral with me, knowing that I'll be upset all day after, don't even pick up the phone and apologize from the day before, but take the effort to drive by my house just to try and catch Devin giving me flowers? You're psychotic." She laughed. "I didn't call you or come by because you called me selfish when I respectfully declined to go to the funeral. You are the one that freaked out and called me selfish, you shouldn't have said that to me if you wanted me to call you." I feel like she's pranking me. "To be as fucking smart as you are, Bonnie, you really are an idiot. You were being selfish because you are a fucking selfish person! I never understood why you hopped from relationship to relationship or why Devin can't stand you, but boy, I see very clearly now. So is that why you ignored me for days? Because you saw Devin on my porch for 2 seconds?" She simply said, "yes. I'm going to ignore the other bullshit you just said, but yes, when I saw him there I got mad and assumed something was going on." I laugh, "what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not have any idea how to communicate with a human being? If you had just had the decency to ask me, none of this would have happened. And to find you at that party all over Holly. I can never unsee that. And I can never unhear those awful things you said to me, Bonnie. And I love you, that's what makes this so fucking bad," I try to hold back my tears but they fall anyway. Bonnie sighs, "please don't cry. I didn't mean what I said to you. I was just hurt. I didn't do anything with Holly except smoke weed. I wouldn't cheat on you. I love you." I cry harder. "But you still ignored me for 3 days when I needed you the most over absolutely nothing. Devin was being a good person, that's all. And you jumped to conclusions because you're too proud to have an emotional conversation that might include conflict. You can't handle it. You're terrified of it."

I smile because I've figured it out. That's why sex is so easy for her, she doesn't know how to do the relationship part, just the physical. "That's not true. I just don't see the relevance in pointless drama and shit that doesn't matter. I have no desire to fucking talk all the time." I sat back down in the chair. "Well, B, unfortunately for you that's called being in a relationship. A relationship is not just physical. Tough conversations happen. Emotions happen. Conflict happens. When you love someone you work through it and talk about the hard shit even when you don't want to. Because it does matter when you love somebody. But you don't have to worry anymore about that, because you're not in a relationship anymore. I can't do this if you're going to react this way every time we have a disagreement. That's not love." She tears up. "No, Liz. We can figure this out. I'm not mad about Devin, I don't care. I just want you. I can fix this. Please." She stands and pulls me to her. She holds my hands and leans in to kiss me, I pull away. "No, Bonnie. You can't just kiss me and make this better. Oh, my god." She drops my hands and steps back. "I'm so sorry I fucked this up. What do we do now? It's not like we can just go back to being friends," she cries. "No, we can't. This might be it." I hug her, she hugs me back and we stay like this and cry together for a few minutes knowing this is over. Our friendship, our relationship, all of it. Years of us, just gone. I feel so sorry for her. She has no idea how to be loved or how to love someone else and I can't fix that. I can't forgive what happened last night. I whisper in her ear, "I hope one day you can figure out how to do this. All of it." She cries harder. I hold her a little while longer. After a few minutes, she goes. I'm heartbroken.