The blue-eyed raven (Rivamika fanfiction)

CHAPTER 22

You know when you can’t describe your first words properly - you're so caught up in a moment or you see something, someone and your mouth hangs open in astonishment.

Well, than you could guessed how I look right now. Under the neon lights of the New Year’s basement party, surrounded by drunken idiots, my jaw hung open and my eyes widened dramatically. I, who should have been the least surprised to see him here now looked like a freak watching a person climb up from the grave who I clearly thought was dead.

"Now he looks fucked up," Jean yelled from behind me, trying to get me back to dancing with him. But I just couldn’t - his words echoed in my head and I thought my skull would burst out open. I could not move neither breathe naturally, I just watched Levi move around, iron eyes pinned on people around him as if he was a lost sheep in the wild.

Iron eyes.

  Why couldn’t I do anything? Why couldn’t I just go ahead and smile at him or something but instead I watched him blend in the crowd?

Because Jean was right. Levi really looked fucked up. Horrible. His skin was pale, almost white and ill looking as his midnight raven hair jutted up in a quiff so messy, he looked hungover. He even had dark circles under his now dull ice cold grey droopy eyes I’ve seen the day I bumped into him. His dark coat, hanging open on him revealed the torn off and crushed fabric like he’d been in a fight.

Messed up, looking ill, hangover and emotionless my blue-eyed raven moved out of my eyesight, and I could finally breathe normally again. I just couldn’t woke up from the sudden trance I was sucked up into with his arrival, but now I knew why. When I saw him stand out so vulnerable, I felt like my heart shuttered to billion broken pieces and as if the whole blood in my body was soaked away. His broken figure made my heart bleed and I just couldn’t simply go to him and hug him, kiss him as I wanted. It would draw attention and if Eren found out he would have looked even more fucked up than he was.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Jean, now standing by my side, his eyes shining in the darkness of the party room. He was frowning, confusion written all over his face. He didn’t say anything else, clearly worrying about me and waiting for my reply. I tried to focus enough just to give him a simple smile and hide every broken piece of me behind it. I really didn’t need Jean to know about me and Levi, not now. But surprisingly, my little act worked and Jean relaxed immediately. He stretched his hand towards me and gently grabbed my wrist, pulling me behind him. And I didn’t struggle or hit him and run away like the last time. I just couldn’t, my heart was just too plain to worry about anything else but Levi right now. Plus, Jean gained my trust in these past days since he didn’t act so ridiculous like he had a crush over me.

We moved deep into the dancing floor, quickly surrounded by enormous amount of people. Everyone was dancing like it was their last day and Levi was nowhere to be seen. My heartbeat increased in panic but Jean suddenly stopped and looked at me, smiling with so much glow that I just couldn’t but to give him one in return.

"Now where were we," he cocked an eyebrow and tried to look impressive with moving his legs like he was high. But it all turned out to be more like hilarious than seducing which made me laugh. He looked like he was about to blow up, dancing insanely. People around us started to look at him, some laughing and clapping, others just glaring at him.

But Jean didn’t mind. He was lost in his own world, but his eyes were pinned on me, encouraging me to dance. Giggling, my mind started spinning and I just nodded, whispering okay in his direction, but he didn’t hear me. He was already to busy spinning around and acting like he owned the dance floor. Jean, my mind thought as I quickly tried to catch the rhythm. He was really a jerk and all but he sure knew how to make me laugh.