The blue-eyed raven (Rivamika fanfiction)

CHAPTER 29

I spent the next two weeks in hospital, recovering.

It really sucked, watching my life pass away from the iron hospital bed. Mostly, I happened to be sitting and watching January slip away right in front of me. Surprisingly, all the lairs of soft snow simply started to vanish, yet the weather remained awful. I watched people cross the streets with their scarfs and caps, embraced with large jackets or coats. The life continued normally, but I just felt so empty inside.

I caught myself thinking about previous events a lot – they were always haunting me around, like a truly scary nightmare.

It was like last year repeated itself with a bonus.

But, luckily, I wasn't alone to experience all of the depression once again – Eren spent as much time with me as he could. Yes he still went to school, but every day on the exact same hour, his head popped into the room and he always brought stuff with him – books to read, laptop, stories to share, food, drinks, even if he was not allowed to. But as far as for my brother goes; he always did the exact opposite of what he was told, only to tease people or help them out.

I enjoyed his company a lot. Firstly, it was only the two of us, giggling and trying to push those creepy, depressing thoughts away and sometimes, it really helped. But as days passed, his parents finally arrived back and went all crazy on me with their worry.

It was really lovely, knowing, how much they care, but I really didn't want anyone else suffer on my account. That has been happening a lot in these past few years and I had it enough.

They usually came to check if I needed anything or started a quick talk and I was grateful for heaving them. But, week was surprisingly ending and I was finally permitted to see other people and not just my family.

The first to see me was, of course, the group of my silly friends. They all busted into the room one Monday evening, when I was almost sleeping from boredom, and I almost shitted my pants, like literally. Surprisingly, they all managed to crumple into the small hospital room, big smiles curved on their faces. Even though, I knew, they were putting on a façade and would be crying by now, but they stayed strong – for me. And I was so thankful for it.

I don't know how, but Connie and Sasha managed to sneak in a couple of large blue balloons, which they tied on my iron bed.

They all settled in quickly, Eren bringing his chair right next to my bed like always, but now followed with the joyful-looking Armin. He squeezed my hand happily, but I could decipher the pain in his lovely blue eyes. Ymir and Christa sat down on the table across me, holding hands and sending me cute smiles, as Connie, Sasha and Marco just hanged out next to the window. They talked and laughed with me, shared their stories and gossiped about whatever was happening at school. I've noticed, they never really asked me why I ran to the street, they just asked a couple of questions and I quickly realized why. Eren never really told them, why I changed school and that I've just beaten up a poor girl – but as quick as whispers can float around, some had to know by now and they were just not prepared to talk it out anyways. And even though they maybe knew, I was happy; they didn't judge me or worse – ditched me.

But one did - Jean. It didn't really surprise me, but yet again – there was no Levi. He never showed up between those doors, said hey or just planted a kiss on my lips, cheeks...

He never did so – and it made me even emptier. I was happy to have all my friends for support, but I missed his touch, eyes, figure so much these last two weeks it just hurt. I caught myself one night, staring at the bracelet he once gave me, as my cheeks sparkled in little tears. During the day, it was awesome to have friends to keep me company but at night I just closed myself down as my mind crowded with thoughts - about Levi, about memories we shared: those were the only sweet ones I could hold on. And I thought about all times I hanged with the group, smiled with friends, which I'll end up losing or hurting. I happened to be on the right path – I've hurt Jean.