Hidden Beneath Brown Eyes (A Zayn Malik Fanfiction)

Chapter 69 - "Is this right?"

After Paola broke down in front of me, I stayed with her for a few more minutes, allowing her to cry on my shoulder and hug me as tight as she so desired - I thought at the very least she deserved that. She had been so courageous in confiding in me when I was probably the last person in the world she would have wanted in that position.

I walked out of her room feeling more guilty than anything. I know that's not what she had intended to do, but she still had made me feel guilty. I knew what it was like to be in her place, to feel like you were losing someone you loved, to feel like they were choosing someone else over you - and the worst part of it is when you know that that someone is truly the better choice for them.

Paola felt Zayn drifting away from her. She felt him slipping through her fingers, more and more each day. With every passing minute, she could feel their love dwindling into nothing. She was losing him. But the most heartwrenching part of it was that Paola's fears weren't just the delusions of a jealous woman; the worst of it was that her fears were rooted in truth. She knew it, and I knew it. What she didn't know was how far Zayn had already taken his feelings for me.

I wasn't sure, even after Paola's words, that I would go as far as to say that Zayn loved me. That was something that I was still struggling to believe, even if the facts were all there. I knew without a doubt that Zayn had feelings for me, I just wasn't ready to admit that they might be more than lust.

I trudged down the hallway, feeling like my feet were bricks, like I didn't even want to move them. I felt like I just wanted to stand there, but the motivation to wake up Jack kept me moving. When I approached the top of the stairs, I could see someone standing at the other end of the hallway, just outside the guest room - and I knew immediately who it was.

He was leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and his head facing in my direction. It was obvious that he was waiting for me, and I almost groaned at knowing that some kind of unwanted conversation would ensue. I hoped that maybe I could use the excuse of waking Jack up to get out of it, but I knew by his raised eyebrows that this wasn't one of those things he'd let slide till later.

"Waiting for me?" I asked playfully, with a small grin on my own face.

He didn't reply. He only rolled his eyes and let his smrik climb a little further up his cheeks. It was a little disheartening that he didn't immediately answer back with something sarcastic, but I was willing to overlook it if he was going to just let me by.

"So, uh, I noticed you coming out of my room." he arrogantly said, moving one of his arms out across the door to block my path. This is exactly what I had expected, and my patience was already wearing thin.

"Zayn, I really don't have time for your games. I have to get Jack up so he can go downstairs and meet your family." I asserted, emphasizing that it was his family, in an attempt to move him.

"Oh they can wait. I assure you, they'll keep themselves busy while we talk." His tone was somewhat threatening, and I didn't know if he wanted to intimidate me or seduce me.

"Talk about what?" I inquired, curious to know how much he knew.

A chuckle vibrated in his throat behind a wide Cheshire Cat smile. It was kind of creepy and gave me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Usually, when Zayn acted like this, it was because his temper was boiling just beneath the surface.

"Talk about the conversation you had with my girlfriend, of course." he said with confidence, visibly amused by my wide-eyed stare.

Suddenly, I was wondering if Zayn hadn't just been outside the door, listening to me and Paola the whole time - listening to his girlfriend confess her fears of me, to me. That thought made me sick to my stomach; that he could just eavesdrop on a conversation so personal. I felt so violated, and I couldn't bring myself to imagine how much so Paola would feel if it were true.

"I-I-I don't know what you're t-talking about." I stuttered nervously, taking a step back from him. It didn't do much good because he only gained that step back and leaned down so that his face was directly in front of mine.

"No, Ada, I really think you do." he whispered menacingly.

It wasn't as though Paola and I had planned a murder, yet that's how Zayn seemed to be treating the whole thing. I felt like I was being interrogated under a spotlight.

"Zayn, you need to back up." I warned, sounding more like a frightened sheep than a cornered tiger.

"Why? Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked seductively, leaning in way to close to my face.

It was then that I knew that somehow, he had heard at least a portion of me and Paola's conversation. His behavior was far too coincidental for me to ignore, although I didn't know why he was acting so invasive. I had said nothing to anything concerning him. It was almost like he was directly responding to Paola's accusations.

"Y-Yes." I managed to choke out as my eyes met his.

"Good." he replied, as his rough hands cupped my face and one of his thumbs gently caressed my lips.

Our eyes were locked - mine displaying fear while his displayed pure lust. He wanted me, that much was clear, but that didn't mean that he loved me, and I needed to stop confusing the two. Too many times had I allowed the sexual tension between us to cloud my judgement, and as a result of that, he had now been unfaithful to two women because of me. It needed to stop.

I could feel the tension building and his touch beginning to awaken something deep within me. I was almost pulled in once again as I felt his warm breath fan across my face, and the desire to feel his lips against mine burning like a wildfire in my core.

"Zayn. Wait." I whispered, my breathing broken and choppy as I struggled to regain control of myself. I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed just hard enough for him to release my face from his wanting grasp.

I couldn't bear to look at him, because I knew that what I needed to say was going to hurt both of us, but I could feel the uncertainty in his gaze.

"Zayn, we can't keep doing this. This, this has to stop." I said, defeated and ready to cry. "Your girlfriend, she suspects us. She thinks that you're still in love with me, and I-I can't live with the guilt of knowing I tore you away from someone you love again. I can't live with hurting another woman. I don't want to be the homewrecker anymore. I-I want someone that I can openly call mine, and vice versa. I don't want to repeat our past."

My heart ached, but my conscience applauded me. I thought that I would feel some form of empowerment from the words I'd just said, but all I felt was emptiness and self loathing. I'd like to say that I honestly believed I'd done the right thing, but I had to wonder is it right to deny myself what will make me happy for the sake of someone else?

Zayn didn't respond to me, though I could feel his pleading gaze bearing down on me. It was almost like I could feel the energy draining from his body as well, almost as if he felt the same way that I did. It just made what I was doing that much harder, and made me feel like history was repeating itself, no matter what I did.

"I have to get Jack. I'll see you downstairs." I mumbled, brushing past him and walking through the door to the guest room. And as I made my way over to our son, I had to ask myself again is this right?

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! And I am so sorry for the long absence from Wattpad! I've had a lot happen to my family in the last two weeks. Very serious things that I prefer not to get into, and for the longest time I felt no motivation to write at all, and for a little while I even considered putting this story on hold. But today I was suddenly inspired to write this chapter. I'm sorry if it's shorter than you expected, but this chapter is very important because I deleted the original and wrote this in it's place, and this version changes the entire course of the rest of the story.

So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I can't wait to hear from ya'll! I love you so so much! <3

P.S. HBBE is now at 20k reads! That's absolutely insane and you guys are incredible! Thank you so much for standing by this story, even when I didn't update for two months! You guys are the absolute best! So much love!! <333333