A Different Beginning

A Different Beginning ~ Part 115~ Dealing with Feelings

Point of View: Sang 

It takes me a little while in order to calm down. My chest is tight from the sobs as I rest against Mr. Blackbourne's chest my body trembling with past memories that haunt my mind. Thankfully, the comforting scent of Mr. Blackbourne's soap helps me calm down a little as I try and recover my mind from the horrible experience. Closing my eyes, I can feel Mr. Blackbourne running his fingers along my exposed arms and neck allowing me to focus on the comforting feeling. 

"You are safe Sang..." His voice is super quiet as he gently caresses my cheek. I nod knowing that I am but the memories from the past don't help. Slowly, I pull away from Mr. Blackbourne's chest and stand plastering a weak smile on my face. 

"Let's go down. I am sure the other's are worried." I whisper and quickly move the door but as I begin to turn the handle, a hand appears above my left shoulder keeping the door pressed closed. Instantly, I know that Mr. Blackbourne doesn't believe my excuse to leave and begin to tremble once more as I feel his hand wrap around my waist pulling me into his chest once more. 

"You aren't okay..." His voice is super quiet and every word seems to pierce through my skin like a knife to the heart. He had seen through my wall. He could see all of the emotions I had been trying to hide. "You don't need to act as though you are okay Sang..." I can feel myself breaking with every word and I can't help but spin around to meet the male pain filling my heart. 

"I don't want to feel those feelings." I state angrily and rub at my face trying to stop the tears. "I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want the others to see me like this. I see how much this hurts them and I just want to forget it..." I let out a muffled sob as I my voice falters and tears slide down my cheeks faster and faster. "But my mind won't let me forget... those night mares.... no... those memories..." I look directly to Mr. Blackbourne's pained grey eyes seeing his emotions clearly on his face. "I don't want to hurt you all." I whisper before turning to the door suddenly and throwing it open. 

Moving quickly down the stairs, I see the male's standing in the living area their eyes also filled with pain which only makes me feel worse. Tears slip faster down my cheeks and I run out the door slamming it behind me. I couldn't do this any more. I didn't want to hurt them by letting them hear what I was really feeling. 

I ran fast and hard through the field of snow and into the forest across the way. I could hear my name being yelled across the field but I didn't stop. Instead I ran faster, ducking and weaving through the trees and deeper into the forest. It was a little while before I became to tired and just sat down in the snow tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. What was I going to do? 

Point of View: Mr. Blackbourne 

I watched as that small girl I had fallen in love with rushed out the door running away from me. Stunned, I stay still unsure how to comprehend Sang's anger and frustration but the sudden slamming of a door coming from down the stairs. Snapping out of my stunned state, I rush out the door and lean over the railing my eyes widen at the sight. 

All of the boys have that same look I probably also had. We were worried, sad, scared, and hurt all at the same time and yet there was no Sang. My eyes widened as I followed their line of sight to the door and I rushed down the stairs to the front door. She wouldn't have.... 

Throwing open the door, my heart drops as I see the small figure of Sang disappearing into the lining of the forest. "Sang!" I scream and rush forward easily slipping my feet into shoes before pausing to look behind me. "GET MOVING NOW!" I order and all of the male's jump into action as I run for the forest. 

I can hear Kota barking orders as I move to the edge of the forest. Unable to find the small figure of the girl anywhere, I quickly begin to look for her foot prints. She had been bottling all of her feelings up for too long and it had been to protect us. But in turn it had hurt her even more. "Sang!" I call out as I follow the foot prints. 

In the distance I can hear the snow mobile's engine and I pause as it comes closer. North on the vehicle and he shifts back on the vehicle. Jumping on, I quickly pull on the handle and allow the mobile to speed forward through the trees as I follow the foot prints. 

It is about five minutes before I am able to spot Sang's small figure in the piles of snow. Slowing the mobile down, I hop off and rush forward to the small trembling figure and I wrap my arms around her body pulling her right into my warmth. "Sang I don't care what happened. I want you safe and I want you healthy. I love you Sang. We love you and we aren't letting you go anywhere." I state my emotions running wild as I feel the small girl curl up in my arms. 

"Mr. Blackbourne..." Her voice is super soft as she speaks. " I am scared..." I can hear the broken echo through her voice as she shivers against my chest.  I quickly pull my jacket off and wrap it around her small cold body. 

"And I will protect you." I whisper before lifting her up into my arms and bringing her to the mobile and North. "No matter what we will protect you." 

Slipping onto the back of the mobile, I keep Sang pressed to my chest, nodding to North to take the wheel. We sit in silence as we make our way back to the house. 

Point of View: Sang 

I am full of a number of different emotions now and I don't know what to feel as I am carried back into the cottage. I see a swarm of worried faces but I just stay curled into Mr. Blackbourne's chest unsure what to do and what to say. Being placed on the couch, I spot North's angry face as he moves toward me and I watch as he kneels down his eyes meeting mine at eye level. 

"You NEVER fucking do that again okay?" He states his voice a very stern and filled with emotion. "I understand that you were upset but NEVER fucking run away from us. We love you Sang. Let us pamper you like you deserve. We want to make you happy and you aren't happy holding back all this pain." Tears continue to stream down my cheeks as North talks and I continue to meet his eyes knowing he is correct before he scoops me up into his arms holding me tight against his chest. "Now are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" 

His voice is softer now, making my heart break again, and I nod just sob into his chest. "I hurt North... I hurt so much..."