When I Can't Do Anything Else

Red Crayons

I wish my room was sad,
'Cause it seems like I'm the only sad one here
In a house full of artificial smiles

I wish my pillows were sad,
'Cause it seems my tears are the only ones existing here,
Like they're all alone, dying within moments of birth,

I wish my window was sad,
'Cause it seems it was being watched, to see the time of day, or if it was night; the window always get scrutinized,
It feels self-conscious, as if it were to break,

I wish my teddy bear was sad,
'Cause it always seems to be waiting for emotion, any feeling to overwhelm Mr. Teddy,
He always had that look of indifference,
Numb to everything to see and hear, that's why he isn't much of a help when mommy comes to my room, and teaches me proper manners,

I wish my blanket was sad,
'Cause I've been always playing hide and seek
In a maze of cloth and thread,
A comfort outside the world of noise my daddy sometimes create,

I wish my crayons were sad,
Colored pretty pictures of me and my parents: in the park and happily sad,
The path was red, the bushes were red, my hair was red, daddy's shoes were red, the sun was red, mommy's dress was red, too!
I love red; I always see it at morning when I wash my hands, in the living room and outside when I play with Mr. Teddy!
But I guess Red was not a sad color, and Red shouldn't always come out my delicate skin,

I wish the door was sad,
'Cause the knob's hanging precariously the last time someone tried to infiltrate,
With resolute intentions, mommy barged in with eyes that looked very sad; sadder than the belt she held tightly on her hands,

I wish I was sad,
Playing with my dollies without safety precautions,
Drawing doodles in the ceiling, chandelier not dangling,
Pencil-drilled peepholes in the walls,
I've dreamt of a place where sadness was free,
Worlds in between folds of permeating loneliness,
I've let myself free on my last days of reprieve,

It seems, that I was sad, sadder than the world inside the house of restraint,
But it just seemed, and I go back to square one...
Holding a crayon that seemed to bleed,
I wish I was sad...

"Mr. Teddy, are you sad?"

//k.u.