The Chauffeur || Thomas Sangster AU COMPLETED

xiii.

Author's Note: Hey guys, how Kathelyn acts are actual symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. So please don't judge her :) The point of this book is to diminish the hatred and misunderstanding of mental illnesses. This chapter is so weird but this is how it is dealing with Bipolars, trust me ;)

***

"I'll have two scoops of plain Vanilla ice cream" I ordered right after Thomas did and the cashier nodded. The cashier batted her lashes and winked at Thomas, making me look away. I felt Thomas grabbed my hand and I turned to him confused, we weren't supposed to do this in front other people but he held my hand. The cashier glanced at our hands and frowned before serving our orders wordlessly.

I chuckled but covered it up to make it look like I was coughing. Thomas grinned at me amused before leading me out of the ice cream shop. As risky as it was, luckily there was no one I saw from school, I was happy that Thomas acknowledged me instead of the pretty cashier.

I bit my lip to hide my smile and looked away to hide the heat crawling up my cheeks. What is wrong with me? It's not like Thomas and I have anything, we don't have feelings for each other. We're just friends...

"I want to see Mallow" I pouted whilst we entered the car. Secretly, I also wanted to see where Thomas lived. He merely hummed in response causing me to pout even more.

He glanced at me and raised his brows before looking back on the road. "I thought you wanted to go to our clearing? You know my flat is the other way around from our clearing" he said and I frowned. Damn it.

"Fine" I sighed in defeat and continued to lick my ice cream, he chuckled. I noticed we started to slow down beside McDonalds. I gave him a look.

"Don't lie to me again. You have to eat" he said to me, he got out of the car without waiting for my response before opening my door.

"I'm eating right here" I motioned to my ice cream, not bothering to stand up.

"That's not food, love" he smiled and I made a face at him before sighing and getting up. I really wanted to go the clearing, it didn't help that McDonald's food had a lot of fats and carbs; here I was maintaining my weight but no, Thomas just has had to go and care about me. I smiled at the thought. But seriously? McDonalds of all places?

"All right, What do you want?" He said as we lined up. I stared at the windows that showed burgers, chicken legs, and fries and nearly threw up.

"I'll have a salad" I grinned at him innocently. He stared at me blankly causing me to burst out laughing. When it was our turn, I was about to state my order when Thomas interrupted me.

"Double cheeseburgers with large fries" he said and I frowned.

"Actually-"

"Oh right, and ice tea for drinks. Anything else, baby?" He turned to me innocently. I ran out of words the moment he said 'baby' but he knew that didn't he? I blinked a few times before I realized we were already given our orders.

"You're mean" I whined and he laughed at me. "I wanted a salad- in fact, I didn't want to eat at all"

"Please eat, if you can't eat for yourself then please eat for me" he said, taking my hand in his.

"Oh no, you don't get to use that on me again" I said, turning away from him. His tactics on me only shows that he could see I always listened to him. That's not good. Thomas knew my weaknesses and he was using them against me like now.

He laughed at me and I forced a smile back. These paranoid thoughts popped out of nowhere but they were right. I trusted Thomas too fast and too easy.

"You alright?" Thomas noticed as we walk back to the car. I grinned and nodded even if a lump was forming in my throat. He gave me weird look but shrugged and opened the front door. I shook my head and opened the door to the back before getting in. He stood there for a few seconds before shutting the front door loudly and getting inside the car himself. He didn't start the engine for a few moments and I was actually scared I annoyed him. I haven't seen Thomas annoyed for too long, much less angry or pissed. He seemed to be the scary type when he got angry.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he said, turning to me. I gulped, I will be.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I laughed off and he nodded unconvinced before starting the engine and continuing to drive. The paranoid thoughts continued to pile in my head and I felt the tears prick at my eyes. I knew I had to distance myself from Thomas, to be safe.

I got out of the car as soon the car stopped and skipped to the clearing, trying hard to look calm and happy like I always am. I heard the car door slam behind me and looked back at Thomas, hoping he wasn't angry. I watched him as he let his arms support him whilst leaning on the side of the car. He seemed stressed and I couldn't help but think that I caused that stress. Was he stressed because of how I was acting? I was acting fine and happy, wasn't I?

I couldn't resist it, I jogged back to him and slowed down when I was close enough. His head was bowed down low but I kept a safe distance as I approached him.

"Thomas, are you alright?" I asked with a gentle voice, funny how he was the one asking me just awhile ago. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright because that's all I need right now, but he needs it more than I do. I'm just a brat who complained about everything. As much as I wanted to hug him and hold him, I didn't. I didn't want to trust him more than I already do.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that, Kathelyn?" he said with a gruff voice, his head still bowed. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. It scared me more that he called me by my full name because that only makes this conversation serious.

"Thomas, I told you I'm fine-"

"Why do you always lie?" he finally looked up, he moved away from the car and approached me with a serious expression. I took a step back and frowned. "Why do you always think of other people before yourself? Why do you lie to me? Why won't you let me help you? Why can't you let me in?" he continued to say but I didn't respond.

I couldn't take the few seconds of deafening silence; "Thomas, please believe me when I say I'm fine. I don't know why you think I'm not" I said with sincerity. I was fine, wasn't I? I was not physically dying. I wasn't relapsing. I haven't cut, I've been clean for weeks. I've started eating little by little. I smiled and talked more. I was more than fine.

He gave me a defeated look before letting his fingers run through his hair. It hurt me to see him stressed because of me, of all people. I hated seeing him like that. Just this once, for Thomas. I approached him slowly and wrapped my arms around him, he was still for a few seconds before he relaxed and hugged me back. "Don't stress over me, Sangster"

A few moments later, he chuckled lightly and I pulled back to see that smile of his. I smiled at him, still feeling that heavy weight on my heart but putting on a better act for Thomas' sake. I could do better at acting happy and fine whilst not letting Thomas in, right? I'm sure I can, that's the only thing I'm good at. I heard a familiar bark and turned around sharply before I saw Mallow running towards us. Although I was still a little terrified, I bent down and let my hands pet through his already cleaned fur.

"How can I not stress over you, Thompson?" he sighed as I continued to pet Mallow. I turned to him and smile. Not letting my guard down to him is going to be hard, if not impossible; I had already let him in.