The Chauffeur || Thomas Sangster AU COMPLETED

xxxvii.

Thomas and I decided to cancel our way to our clearing, seeing as both of us were sweaty and needed a shower because of the incident inside the car. So Sunday morning, we got Mallow to seat at the backseat and Thomas started to drive off. I thought of the past month and sighed in relief, remembering backing out of the play against mental illnesses; although I really didn't have to since it was reported to the head of student affairs and canceled due to indecency. Thank God too. I licked my lips and reached towards the back seat and got the bag of crisps (aka chips). He brows shot up and he beamed but said nothing as I tore it open.

"Alright, what is it?" I asked exasperatedly, he had a smile on his face which he miserably failed to cover up. He glanced at me and back at the road with a wide grin. What?

"Nothing" he shook his head and I narrowed my eyes before shrugging and continued to eat. Food was good. When we arrived, I got out of the car and brought Mallow with me as I skipped happily to the clearing. Thomas followed behind me with the gym bag I decided to finally use. We decided to have a picnic because food, it was actually my idea and Thomas never questioned it. After setting up our food and blanket, we started eating- actually, most of it was me. Thomas just watched me with a goofy smile on his face.

"You've been giving me that look since yesterday morning" I deadpanned suspiciously, "Is there something on my face? What is it, Sangster?" I pouted and whined. He chuckled and let himself fall backwards from laughing, making me frown in confusion. "Now you're just being mean Tommy" I pouted.

He glanced up at me and sat up abruptly before pecking a kiss on my pouted lips. I was taken by surprise and I whacked him on the arm. He laughed in response and put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Alright love, if you wanna know so bad" he shrugged and scooted closer to me, taking my hands in his. His hands were warm- hot actually, compared to my cold freezing hands that I had ignored thanks to food. "Do you remember when you wouldn't even take a bite out of anything?" He asked and it dawned me what it was all about.

I nodded, noticing the glint of admiration in his eyes and it made my heart flutter as they were looking directly into mine.

"I remember being so stressed and worried because you weren't eating. I knew you weren't eating at school or at dinner but I never said anything because I knew it would make you upset" he explained. "Then boom you suddenly want to eat and you stopped cutting and I'm bloody proud of you"

I bit my lip, remembering everything. He was right, I had stopped cutting no matter the temptations and I suddenly love food in all its existence. He was proud of me and I was proud of me too. That was new. "You better be! We worked hard to get here" I joked.

"Do you trust me?" He asked. Of course I trusted him; I remembered the times when I'd shudder and repel whenever I thought of trusting people, including Thomas.

"I don't know, do I?" I teased, I wanted the atmosphere to lighten up and be playful. I have a feeling this conversation was going to be heavy on my chest.

"Well since you do, want to tell me why you even started cutting?" He played with my fingers casually and it was this same spot where he asked me about it all. It was like I couldn't speak but I knew he deserved to know so I told him. I told him how abusive my gran and her boyfriend were, how I never felt safe, how I heard voices, how painful it was to even wake up and force a smile on; but I told him what triggered it the most, the death of my parents had a huge impact on me. As I told him how I cried myself to sleep for months after their death, his facial expression changed and I feared he changed his mind about me.

"You think I'm stupid and pathetic, don't you? I know my parents death isn't supposed to-"

"No. I-I didn't know. You have every right to be upset. I'm so sorry for your loss" he said with a saddened expression, his hand reached up to my face before he wiped tears off of my face. Damn, I didn't even know I was crying. "I wish I could take it all back, so you would have never felt this way" he whispered, more to himself than to me. I frowned in confusion but decided to just let everything drop. It was a huge weight taken off of my shoulders to tell someone everything, I was glad it had been Thomas.