Flip Me

2.3

Harry
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The thump of my heart was beating against my chest; the pain strong and unforgiving.

As soon as Dylan and I left the school doors I jogged to my car, my strong desire of being alone pushing my legs across the pavement.

"We have to talk about this?" He yelled across the parking lot, but his words sounded muffled through the water of thoughts that clouded my brain.

Fake friends
Fake friends
Fake friends.

I didn't want to talk to him, or anyone.

Now I lie in bed, staring at my white ceiling, hearing my heart in the rain.
My mother came in only a few minutes before, warning me of her usually absence due to her over night shifts at the hospital.

"Sure mom." I whispered.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to stay? I could ask Trudy to take my-"

"Just go mom." I didn't want to shut her out, but it felt like the only thing i could do.

"Are you-"

"Just go..." And as soon as the door closed shut I knew I really wanted her here. I needed someone where, something to take away anything.

It feels as if I can trust no one anyone. Things are being kept secret, I can tell, and the feeling I get around everyone isn't what it used to be. I feel like I am lost in their conversations. I was excused from my thoughts when there was a knock on my window.

"Harry." Effy's loud whispers were like tingles in my spine; the window blocking the real wave of heat I'd usually get.

"Not now." I told her through the glass. Her hair was in a messy wave around her cheek bones, and the warmth of her voice was fogging the cold window.

"Yes now." Effy was never good at listening. My eyes rolled as I gave up. She lifted the window from the outside and climbed through it, entering my hot room and bringing in the cold night air.

I laid my head down on my bed, my hands placed under my head. Counting the dots on my ceiling. I longed to me close with her, but knew I should stay away.

"Dylan told me what happened Harry... She's a bitch."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Funny...that's exactly what Dylan said."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that nothing feels right anymore, things are going on. I can tell. I feel out of the loop or something like you guys are keeping-"

"Shh." Her legs swung around onto the bed, her body landing on my waist. I groaned automatically, whenever she touches me I can't help myself.

"Effy - I-"

"Shh, let me help." Her lips pouted and connected with my own. Nerves turned into wildfire as I laced my moans into her mouth. I felt white under my eyes, my hands begin to shake. Around her I was weak, with no control.

Her lower body rocked into mine, and hisses fell from my lips so easily as her rings tug at my hair. None of this made sense to me. Even after weeks of her touching me I still couldn't believe it.

I felt as if I was seeping, melting into her and the bed and everything and everyone. My eyes were screwed shut kissing her harder and harder. If I pushed my lips hard enough, and long enough against hers then maybe all of this could be forgotten.

My lungs were burning as her soft fingers slide under my shirt, and although my vision was blurred I knew how beautiful every inch of her ways, and when she touched me I knew how beautiful she was making me. This was different, everything about now was different. The way she bit my lip, the way she gripped so forcefully onto arms.

And I love her.
I love her.

I WHAT?

"What the fuck?" Effy lands with a thud on the ground, as my scurrying feet carry out from the bed and across the room. Making sure to distance myself as much as possible.

"No... no... oh god no."

"What?" She stood from my wooden floors, fixing her shirt and running her hands through her hair.

"You're doing this on purpose aren't you? Kissing me? What are you doing to me? Is this all some plan? Some joke?"

Something about her face was so unsettling. Her eyes were wide, her white teeth bit into her plump lips, her hands grasped tightly around her shirt. "What? No, what are you saying?" I didn't know what I was saying. I don't know what I am thinking. She was standing there with a fear of something I don't know, with her hair so messy just the way I like it, and her shirt hanging off her shoulder. And I love her, I think I love her.

No I don't.
I don't love her.

"Ashley told me that my friends are fake. There is this feeling that everything is fake, that I'm not getting something everyone else is, and here you are kissing me... with your lips and your messy hair and soft skin... and.... and...get out."

"What?" She began walking quickly to the door but I lunged for her instead. My body completely disobeying me.

"No... wait... don't leave" I was going mad. Absolutely mad.

"Why are you pacing stop pacing?" Her eyes were scanning back and fourth across the room, the white on her knuckles shinning against my room lamp.

"What are you afraid of? You're scared, you look scared, why are you scared?"

"I'm not." But it was to quick. The words sounded artificial and sharp.

"I don't believe you." Even though I do. Every inch of me is screaming not too, but I do.

"Harry-" Her breathe was shaky as she walked towards me, her hands touched my cheek and I don't think I've ever felt so soothed. And I think I love her. And I think I don't.

"You wouldn't lie to me would you?" Her head was shaking rapidly back ad fourth, but she didn't say it. Could she say it?

"Would you?" I asked again.

"No." It was tiniest of 'no's' the bear minimum of 'no's'.

"How can I believe you?" I was lying through my teeth, wanting her to say something.... to want me just as much as I wanted her.

"Ask me, If I'll be yours." Her fingers were tracing my jaw, my nose, my forehead.

"Will you be mine?"

Her throat bobbed as she gulped down something she wasn't telling me, but I don't care. Her fingers pushed back my hair, they burned wholes through my lips as they touched the skin. "Yes." She whispered with a certain uncertainty. "I though you'd never asked."

And she kissed,
And she touched me.
And everything felt wrong
But her against me felt right.

And I think I love her.
All of me knows I love her.
But I won't let myself believe it yet.

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HEFFY IS REAL! Kinda....! Hehe!

Talk to me:

WHAT IS EFFY'S SECRET????

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Please read Intellect!