Flip Me

3.3 - The Circus Part 2

Harry
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Nothing was wrong... no foot placement, no flip in the air, no landing. Nothing was wrong except the irregular heart beat in my chest, and the painful thoughts that went through my head as we performed a routine that was as familiar as the sun.

Running off the stage I was on an ultimate high of emotion. The routine was perfect, and in my heart I knew we had fun, because I put my all into those moments. I made sure that everything I did counted because whether or not my world changes after this, I'm at The Circus, and it's always been my dream.

The crowd was screaming our names still as the next group went on. Coach was patting my back and giving us congratulations before leaving us alone.

I wanted to congratulate everyone too, give them hugs, kiss Effy, let everyone know that 'we've made! We just competed at the circus!' but looking at their faces looking back at me I knew this was it.

"I'm so sorry Harry, I had no clue." Kiara huffed through her breathes. She moved farther against the wall, as if she wanted to be as far away from Dylan and Effy as possible.

"About what? Please someone just tell me." I was tired of begging, tired of feeling this confusion.

Effy stepped forward, shaking her head, tears already welling in her eyes. "Harry I'm sor-"

"She was using man!" Dylan screamed. His face was red, his fits banged hard into the table.

"What?"

"Stop Dylan!" Effy yelled. My ears seemed to close in, their voices were still heard but muffled, as if I was under water.

"She knew that if you fell in love with her, you'd work harder, go to extra practices, and be able to beat the Dragons and make it to Circus and win. She'd then be able get a scholarship." He was screaming in my face, his words trying to push through my thick skull.

And my lungs were burning

And all the benefits of the doubts I gave here were flying away.

And I couldn't fucking believe it.

"Listen, listen, listen." She begged me. Her hands grasped onto my shirt but I yanked her away. I didn't care if they all watched me cry, I didn't care if my heart fell from my chest.

"She just used you to get away from you! Ironic isn't it!?" Dylan's voice was here, and there. His harsh words and evil chuckle was filtering through what seemed like my brain dead thoughts. I couldn't even hear Kiara screaming at him.

"Harry but it all changed. I started feeling so bad, and I wanted to tell you so many times, but my mom was losing the house and I knew I she couldn't pay for my schooling., I had to work extra shifts at Dylan's work- and.."

"I loved you." I whispered. Letting my hands grasp onto my shirt, and pull hard at the seams. The air around me was vanishing, and I needed air.

"I know, I know, I know." She whimpered. Her hands touching my hands, my arms, my face."

"I loved you so much." My tears were pooling at my cheeks, slipping into my mouth. I tasted the salt water, and I felt my hands rip at my hair.

And my lungs burned burned, burned.

"I know that and I am so, so sorry. I wanted this all to end, I just needed help and I didn't know how to ask." She was panicking, Dylan was laughing, Kiara had long gone. "Shut up Dylan!" she screamed at him, but that made nothing better. He won... he always does.

"You never cared." I could feel my knees letting go, the gravity now pushing me farther and farther to the ground, where I could look up at her... but that's how it's always been. Effy looking down on me; but I loved her, and I gave her all the benefits of the doubts, and she shot then down.

And I love her, I love her, I love her.

"I do, I love you. Please believe me I love you." She shook my shoulders, and slammed her lips against mine. On my cheeks, my forehead, my neck, my nose. She kissed me, and kissed me but nothing she could do could stop the gravity from bringing me down. Her heart was poisons, her kiss lethal, and I the prey.

"Then why go to him?!" I screamed, letting my whimper rip right through my chest, and letting every ounce of angry matter fly out. "I loved you with every cell in my body. I would of done anything for you!" I screamed and screamed, then pulled some more at my shirt because

My lungs wouldn't stop burning, my eyes wouldn't stop crying, the gravity wouldn't stop pushing.

"I don't know! He was there, I didn't want you thinking I was weak. Our relationship has always been different. I didn't want you thinking I wasn't the strong Effy you always knew. I never wanted it to go this far." She was still holding onto me, pressing her head to my chest, trying to hug me, kiss my chest. But she was poison, poison, poison.

"So you change me? Dressed me up the way you wanted, fixed my hair, my grades, got me Ashley... for what?"

She was shaking her head, her face red with tears, "I-"

"Tell me!" I screamed.

"If you had a girlfriend... I knew that you'd be more willing to me. I knew for a while you had a crush on me... and... it would take a girlfriend for you to realize it." She whimpered out, still kissing my chest. "I'm sorry, please... I am so so sorry."

All this time, every kiss, every text, she was using me, and my confusion was right. She knew me better then I knew myself, and It hurt all bones in my body.

"And all the while she was fucking me!" Dylan yelled. It was a loud, condescending yell. The type that tells you how little he's always cared for you, the type that in just the tone tells you all the truth he's ever kept in.

My shaking hands ripped Effy off of me. My fingers rubbed at my falling tears. I could see red, and shapes, and my hand pounding into Dylan's face. He won, he won, he always wins. My skin was red, his face was redder. I could see my tears falling on his face, mixing with his blood and falling to the floor.

And as I kept hitting him, I knew nothing would change. My body leaped off of him with new found energy, my hands clawing back at my shirt begging for my heart to slow down. She was crying, Dylan was on the floor.

It was clear to me that all of this meant nothing. Not the circus, not our relationship, and not an ounce of love. I was pawn in her game that she never losted, but so was Dylan. She would discard of him eventually and he'll feel the same gravity, the same weight, the same burning that won't stop no matter how loud you scream or how hard you bang your chest. So I let him choke on his own blood. I stopped hitting him because there was no use.

In this tiny room, in this big gym, in this small town, in this big world... I meant nothing.

"Please Harry." She begged me. Her hands were tugging at my arm, kissing up my skin, but I just wanted to go. "I love you, I do, please!" An hour ago I would of begged to hear her say those words to me.

"Because that's what you do when you love someone right?-" I whimpered, rubbing my tears and slamming my limp body into the door. "Use them, hurt them, and lie to them?"

"I don't know what's wrong with me." She cried out, but I'm sure those tears were fake to, and I am sure if I didn't leave soon I'd collapse from the pain on the floor.

"I love you." I tried saying one last time, because maybe if I said it enough everything would disappear and we'd end up back in my bed where I gave all of myself to her.

"I love you to." But she was lying, the evidence hung in the last few particles left of air that I breathed in, and painfully absorbed.

"I hope you get that scholarship you did all of this for."

I didn't cry on the drive home, it seems that her poison dried up my heart as well as hers. Instead, I pounded my fist into the steering wheel at each red light, and made sure to scream the words to every god damn lyric I knew on the radio.

Because that's what you do when your hurting right? You scream, so that gravity can't crush you.

******

:( The truth is out.

If u are confused comment here and I'll explain!

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