Sing to me

Chapter 41

It was studio time again. But this time there were no tears or panic attacks like last time. I was actually feeling excited and I haven't felt that for a long time. The reason? Girls and I wrote this absolute gem of a song - it was called Salute and it was everything I needed to hear right now.

It was a feminist anthem, a song full of girl power and sirens, with a millitary background and all. I was so bloody excited to record it and to one day perform it on the stage. The whole concept was based on Jesy's one sentence, in which she said that she sees us as female soldiers, fighting for equality among sexes.

I could already imagine the video for this song and I knew that we were going to make this a single. We also wrote this song called Competition and even though we were still debating whether or not to put it on the album - it was already one of my faves. It was a bit sassy and it was about men seeing us as competition, but they repeatedly lose in the game.

I was really happy that we got more freedom for this second album and I wanted to write as much songs as I could, but all of the songs that I wrote were too dark and depressing and I didn't even want to show them to girls, let alone put it on the album.

I was included in creating Salute and Competition yes, but the songs were so sassy and bright because girls were with me. If I was by myself, writing about how I honestly feel - it would soon be a song about a break up.

Some musicians say that the best songs come from real pain in your heart. But I didn't want to write about my pain and my heart being broken, simply because I was already too exposed in the media because of our break-up.

"Jade, it's your turn!" one of our producers said, alluding that it's my turn to get into the recording booth and do my thing.

I nodded and went inside, mentally preparing myself for Salute. This song wasn't tolerating weakness and tears.

After 6 hours spent in the studio, I was finally in my own flat. I was in my underwear, with a bucket of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, listening to Fanny Brice's song - My Man, which basically became my favourite song lately.

The song was so old, it was from 1938 and normally I would never listen to a song like that - but the lyrics were so good and quite relatable, because of my current situation.

Suddenly, I heard the beginning of my favourite part of the song, so I stood up, put ice-cream down and joined Fanny.

"Oh my man, I love him soooooo! He'll never knooooow, all my life is just despair, but I don't caaaaaareeee! When he takes me in his aaaaarms, the world is bright, all right!"

I guess I looked ridiculous standing there in my underwear, singing from the top of my lungs, with my arms spread like I was in a musical or something. That was my most favourite part and I sang it from the botttom of my heart.

"What's the difference, if I say, I'll go awaaaaay, when I knoooow, I'll come back on my knees some daaaaay?"

I felt tears in my eyes, but I continued to sing.

"For whatever my maaaan iiiis, I am his forever moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"

It was a really long high-note but I managed to sing it, with all that I had. Just as I looked around for my phone, wanting to play that song again, I saw Leigh-Anne standing in the hall, with her arms crossed and her jaw on the floor.

Then I realised what she had just witnessed and I felt really, REALLY pathetic and embarassing.

"What do you want? Why are you here?" I asked, suddenly angry that she saw me.