14 // "This is shit"

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When I felt Xiumin reach behind me to open my door and he worked on moving us inside, I pulled away. "No."

"What?" Xiumin asked, and leaned in and started kissing my neck.

"No, stop," I said. He stopped, and looked at me.

"You....we can't do this," I said.

"But you like me," Xiumin said. "I saw the way you looked at me as you were singing."

"What way?" I asked. "I looked at you as if saying you have no power over me. I looked at you saying there will never be anything between us, I'm done with your games."

"What games?" Xiumin asked, his voice raised.

"Come on," I said. "This is just another stupid attempt to get me fired."

"What? No," Xiumin said. "What the hell, Amy."

"You're so defensive because it's true," I said. I tried brushing off him calling me "Amy" but I was screaming inside. I started to walk into my dorm but Xiumin grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him.

"You idiot," Xiumin said. "I like you, a lot. Ever since I first saw you. I just can't trust you and I don't want to get close to you and have you hurt everyone around me and me. And tonight I realized I can't keep trying to push you away or get you fired because then you'll be gone forever."

I glared at him. "I can't believe you."

"How am I supposed to make you believe me?" Xiumin asked.

"Not by kissing me, that's for sure," I said. "Xiumin, I can't trust you. You've been so....so fake to me."

"And I regret that," Xiumin said.

"Do you? Do you really?" I asked.

A door opened down the hall, and we turned to see Kai. "Xiumin? What are you doing?"

Xiumin stepped away from me.

"I get it," I said. "This is another attempt to get me fired."

"What?" Kai asked. "Xiumin, what's going on?"

"Can you guys just stop lying? Leave the acting for D.O and Lay," I said.

"There's nothing going on," Xiumin said. "We were just talking."

"I heard you got up to sing tonight," Kai said to me. "I got sick from the food, so I left early."

"You weren't a part of that plan?" I asked Kai.

"No," Xiumin answered for Kai. "That was all me."

"I...I can't deal with you, Xiumin." I went inside my room and shut the door, leaning up against it before sliding down into a sitting position.

Was Kai on my side or not? Why did he act that he didn't know anything about Xiumin's plan to publicly humiliate me? Unless he really didn't know... And it was Xiumin's plan, which went wrong...

No. I refuse to believe that I made Xiumin like me.

I fell into my bed, still wearing my dress. I didn't care, I was too tired.

The next morning, my phone buzzed while I was getting ready. It was a text from Kim J to meet him in his office. Oh great, singing last night was probably a sin. Guess I'm getting fired today.

I walked to my door to see a piece of paper folded. I opened it, but didn't read it. It was long, and I didn't have time to read it right now. I put it on my desk and took off to Kim J's office, the flashdrive with their song downloaded on it.

I knocked on the door, and opened the door. "Ah, Amelia. Just another check up on how the boys are doing, with recording and everything."

"They're doing very well." I walked in, hesitating. "Just a suggestion...they get really irritable after so many hours stuck in there, and their performance is poor when they are irritable."

"What are you saying?" Kim J asked, leaning back in his chair.

"I'm saying, I think they need more breaks."

"Breaks get them off task. Nothing gets done."

I made a face.

"I also wanted to tell you that your training is almost complete. When it is complete, you'll report back to me less. You still have to do what I tell you, but it's much more independent. This doesn't mean you can dismiss scheduling anything in an entire week because you feel bad for them. You have to meet a required amount of public appearances and practices."

"Okay," I answered.

"You'll also be in complete control of their schedules. Again, you have requirements to meet. If you or they do not meet requirements, lines are cut, practice hours are extended, and pay is cut."

I nodded.

"By the way, I had no idea you could sing. Very impressive last night."

"Thank you," I said.

"But I'm not stupid. I noticed tension up there between you and Xiumin. What is going on between you two?"

"Actually nothing," I said. "We hate each other, so."

"You know who says that? People who like each other." Kim J leaned in to me. "Obviously you don't get it. I know you and Xiumin have a thing going on. I'll let you know that if this continues, and I have my ways of finding out, you will ruin Xiumin's reputation. They're not supposed to date under contract, and dating a white girl from the US will be the biggest scandal of the year. You don't want that."

I looked at him, then smiled. "I have something to show you." I pulled out the flashdrive and opened it on my laptop, and started playing it for him.

When the song was over, Kim J rubbed his face. "They convinced you to listen to their little song they wrote so it could be on the album?"

"Yeah, and I think it's good. I think it should be on the album."

Kim J laughed. "This is why they don't write their own songs. They're only good for performing."

"What?" I asked. "No they aren't. This is a good song. What's wrong with it?"

"What's good about it, hm?"

"It's really deep. Fans need to hear this song. It's basically a direct apology for what happened last year."

"This is shit," Kim J said. "The album is set, with actual songs."

I stood up. "Those 'actual' songs are garbage."

Kim J stood up too. "Excuse me, would you like to leave or apologize before I fire you?"

"Not before you apologize for calling their song shit."

"The boys will be punished for your behavior, I hope you know."

"Good!" I exclaimed.

"Don't ask for another song again. Or this song ever again," Kim J said, pointing a finger.

I shook my head, grabbing my things and leaving his office.


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