39 // "You could get in a lot of trouble for that"

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Today was MAMA.

I wore a long black dress with a slit showing off my left leg, and my infamous high heels. My hair was down and curled, my makeup done darker to I wouldn't appear washed out. I felt like I was one of the celebrities, even though I wasn't Asian.

"Ready to go?" Minhyuk asked. "Wow, you look...absolutely stunning." He was smiling.

"Thank you," I answered politely. I just accepted the fact that my heart would be racing all day.

Later that night, at the awards part, I held my breath for what it seemed to be the entire BTS performance. I finally located EXO in the audience, and made a mental note to stay away from them. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle talking to any of them. I didn't even know how I would handle watching them perform.

Finally EXO came on to perform, and they all looked so happy. But during Drop That, I excused myself and went to the bathroom, even though I didn't have to go. I couldn't watch anymore. I stayed until after Love Me Right, a song that only served as a reminder that I was the worst person ever for leaving them right before their comeback.

Someone walked out of one of the stalls. I didn't recognize her at first, but she obviously recognized me. "Amelia? Is that really you?"

I nodded.

"I'm Shana, remember? I took your job at SM Entertainment!"

"Wow, you're still there!" I said, putting on a fake happy attitude just because she was. "It's been, what, six months now?"

"Yeah! And I assume you're still with BTS? How is that?"

"It's great. We've had a great comeback season," I said.

"That's good. We're about to release the winter album with their comeback. So exciting."

"It must be," I said. "It's probably good to have Lay back, too."

"Oh yes. He's been absent quite a bit this year."

What bothered me the most was that she has lasted twice as long as me - and I wondered how good of a manager she really was to last this long. I wondered if the EXO members hated her.

My eyes suddenly widened. "Shouldn't you be out there? They're performing.."

"Oh yeah, well, I've seen them rehearse this a thousand times. I just make stuff up as I go now."

"Do you have their names down yet?" I asked, throwing in a fake laugh for the act. "Last I saw you, you were struggling."

"Oh yeah, I finally have their names down. It took a long time! Asians look the same!" She laughed, and I fake laughed with her. No, they don't.

"Hey! You haven't seen them since June, have you?" Shana asked.

Oh no. Don't you dare. I hesitantly shook my head.

"Why don't you come over to their room after the show and say hi? I think they would like that. They haven't been talking about you lately, but I'm sure they miss you."

"Sure," I said, faking a smile. I heard "Love Me Right" end. "Well, I should get back in there. See you later, hopefully!"

"Not hopefully, you will!" She laughed as I left her in the bathroom.

I joined Minhyuk and Jan Di in the audience again. "You missed it, it was really hype-"

I was watching the EXO members get off stage and my eyes were suddenly glued to Chanyeol. Something wasn't right. Through my focus, Minhyuk's talking voice was drowned out. And then, I saw it. Chanyeol collapse.

"No," I gasped, and immediately got up and ran over to him. I heard Minhyuk call after me, but I ignored him. I ran to Chanyeol's side. "Are you okay?" I asked in Korean. I wasn't even thinking - I was just so used to asking that phrase in Korean rather than English.

He looked up at me, his eyes not looking right. "Amelia?"

"Ma'am," security said, and started pulling me away.

"No, she's my manager," Chanyeol said. Security backed away. "I just need a minute. I overdid it."

"It was a good performance," I said, even though I didn't see all of it. "Chan-"

"I hate Shana." He looked at me, his eyes narrowing. "You know Korean now?"

I nodded, and heard the murmuring of fans around. "Chanyeol, can you stand? And walk? I can hear fans getting worried."

"Yeah." I helped him up, and before walking away, he gave me a hug. "I've missed you so much. We all have. And Xiumin-"

"Okay," I interrupted. "Okay. Stay healthy, Chanyeol." I walked away from him, back to Minhyuk and Jan Di, who were giving me the worst glares.

"You could get in a lot of trouble for that," Minhyuk said.

"You're not their manager anymore, Amelia," Jan Di said. "Leave them alone."

I ignored them, and looked straight ahead, towards the stage.

"You didn't treat him like a member of EXO," Minhyuk continued. "You treated him like you...had feelings for him or something."

"You know? Shut up, Minhyuk. Just shut up." How about he lose a member, and then find out the member he's in love with is close to death and it's his fault? Then we'll talk. He doesn't know anything.

After the awards ended, I got up. "Amelia!" Minhyuk exclaimed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to him and Jan Di. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm going to see EXO."

"No, you're coming with us to see BTS."

"I'm sorry...I can't.." I momentarily closed my eyes to block back the tears. I loved EXO first. They'll always be top priority to me, no matter where I am. I love BTS, but I had to see EXO. "Tell the boys they did a wonderful job and congratulations for winning that award. I'll take a cab back, don't worry about me."

"Amelia." Minhyuk pulled my wrist back as I tried to walk away. "Why are you like this?"

"It's just this one time," I said firmly. "I haven't seen them in six months. This won't happen again."

Minhyuk looked into my eyes, and then let go. Without saying anything, I walked away, quickly. I didn't want to miss EXO. Maybe they were already leaving.

I walked down the halls quickly, quietly passing by BTS's room and praying they wouldn't see me. Finally I came to EXO's room, and I knocked on the door before coming in.

All of them turned to face me.


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