Looking for the Light Through the Darkness

Chapter 37: Losing her

Point of View: Sang

"Count with me Sang." Kota whispers softly into my ear, my breathing erratic as I try and push the nightmare out of my memory. Trembling hard, I try and sit up but to my surprise, I feel Kota's fingers beginning to run through my hair in a soothing motion holding me still. "One." He whispers. He holds out the number long enough for his fingers to slowly make their way from my scalp to the tips of my hair. "Two." He whispers his fingers touching my scalp once more repeating the process. 

The motion is a simple one but with the combination of the comfort of his voice and his gentle touches, I am able to focus on the present. With every number, I am able to relax more and more into his touch and by the time he reaches ten I am back in control of my breathing and think clearly once more. 

Nightmares. The single thought of having to go back to sleep and seeing that man's face in my dreams made my body scream with pain. But this definitely wasn't the first time this had happened. These dark and painful dreams had begun long before I had met him and long before I had escaped to the streets. They began in my home, with that horrible woman hitting me and kicking me repeatedly with her hands... her feet... sometimes with whatever she could find. Even in my dreams I could not escape her terror and now I could no longer escape his.

Taking another very slow breath, I push my hands against the cushions I rest on and prop myself up into a sitting position. My head hangs down, allowing my chin to touch my chest slightly as my body shakes with nervousness. Before I move again, I feel a large calloused finger caress my cheek slightly. It barely grazes my cheek as though it is scared of my reaction. Smiling slightly, I move toward the gentle touch and allow North's entire hand to caress my cheek before guiding me into what seems to be Kota's side. 

Settling myself against Kota's warmth, I feel his arm wrap around my shoulders in a protective manner. Resting my head against his chest, I can feel the slight wind of someone moving closer to my side and the increase of that sweet spicy cologne North wears. "What happened?" The words hang in the air for a moment as I analyze North's voice. It is on the lower side, no more than a whisper, with a tone that is filled with worry and tenderness at the same time.

Taking my time, I look toward North's voice and manage a small smile unsure just how to respond to his question. "I had a nightmare" I state in a quiet tone. I know that it is an obvious statement but it is more for my benefit than his. Glancing down, I play with my fingers quietly in my lap for a moment making sure I stay calm as I continue. "It was about the trial." My whisper fades a little as I feel my fingers begin to tremble softly in my lap. Doing my best to stay calm, I rub them against my legs when I feel my sash becoming loose on my face. Entangling my lip in between my teeth, I do my best to try and tighten it but fail miserably for my trembling fingers don't seem to work the way I want them to.  Thankfully, Kota's smooth hands slowly bring my hands away and he fixes it for me. 

"Miss. Sang..." Mr. Blackbourne appears out of no where making me jump a little. Smiling slightly, I look toward his voice as I settle back into Kota's side nodding slightly for him to continue. "Will you please tell us what happened?" 

Taking a deep breath, I nod and straighten myself a little. "Are the other's still here?" I ask. I chew my bottom lip slightly as I wait for the sound of male footsteps to appear. Taking slow breaths, Kota's hand slips into mine in a comforting manner, giving them a gentle squeeze.  

A couple of moments later, the rest of the boys are settled around me and once more all attention is on me. Taking a breath, I glance to the other's and sigh. "This happened before my eyes were damaged." I state unsure of where to begin my story unconsciously I twist my fingers together with Kota's. "You all have been very kind to me... much more than I deserve... and you all should know the danger you are putting yourselves in by hanging around me." Taking a slow breath, I begin. 

"It was a couple of years ago that I started to live on the streets. I lived all over the East Coast. New Jersey for a little while, Pennsylvania," I smile thinking of meeting the boys. "I spent a good amount of time in Delaware and Connecticut." Taking a short breath I smiled softly, "I stayed in different parks on my travels, occasionally sleeping under bridges, or if the whether was cold in a shelter."  

Smiling quietly to myself I recalled the memories. "It was about two years ago and a warm summer's evening when I met a girl named Amanda." I smiled sadly recalling the older girl. "She had long auburn hair with these bright brown doe eyes. She was so pretty. She had run away from her home in Ohio a while back and we seemed to hit it off." 

I take a breath recalling a few memories we shared. "I think you all would have liked her a lot." I smile looking out toward their voices and scents. "She was kind but unlike me she was strong willed. We went to different parks and hung out together playing different games and figuring out what soup kitchens and churches had the best food. And after a few months we ended up" I pause trembling and Kota draws me closer to his side and I smile thankfully. "We ended up meeting a guy..." I bite my lip hard trying hard not to cry as I recalled Amanda smiling flirtatiously at him. "He... he wasn't who we thought he was... and he ended up hurting us..." Trembling, I pulled my hand out of Kota's and twisted my fingers together nervously. 

"Aggelle Mou. " Silas's voice trembles just as mine does but I know his is out of fear for me. "What did he do?" Silas whispers gently encouraging me to continue. 

"He... he said we should go over to his house and hang out." I whispered my voice smaller. "So we did and when we got there he offered us drinks..." I take a deep breath and force out my next words. "They were drugged. I awoke first to find him on top of me.... I was... undressed... and he had a knife. He began to run it against my back..." Kota's arms pull me onto his lap and and I duck my head down into his chest trying to calm down. "He said he was going to kill me after he tortured me a little while... but first he was going to hurt my friend..." My breathing wavers slightly and I duck my head down trying really hard not to cry. "He killed her... He killed Amanda in front of me..." 

The room is dead silent and I feel very insecure because I am unable to read the emotions on their faces. Trembling, I look down not wanting to continue any more when suddenly I feel a kiss on my temple. Turning toward Kota, I feel him squeeze me tight against his chest. "Thank you for telling us Sang." 

Smiling slightly, I nod and go back to fidgeting with my fingers unsure why the other's are still so quiet. "Princess I have a question.." Surprised, I look toward Victor's voice and nod. "How did you manage to move on?" 

Confused, I shrug and look toward his voice. "I don't know.." I pause thinking it over slowly and bit my lips. "I guess I just kinda learned to live with it...Amanda wouldn't have wanted me to focus my life on something I couldn't change..." Unsure if I answered the question to their understanding I can feel myself begin to fidget again as I am met with silence. 

"I hope that was an okay answer..." I whisper and I feel Kota's hand rub my side very slowly. 

"Of course Sang. We were just surprised. Not many people could live through that and still have trust for others." Kota explains and I frown slightly looking toward the others. 

"Why?" I ask honestly confused. "If I hadn't I wouldn't have bee able to meet you guys..." I smile softly and suddenly arms are wrapped tightly around my body.