Looking for the Light Through the Darkness

Chapter 86: Free for Now

Beyond exhausted I stay curled up on the couch listening to the boys rush around me. After the plan had been decided upon preparation were started but instead of being able to help I was put on the side lines. The boys were being nice about it but it only made me feel more useless then I already felt. Hearing the front door open and close, I slowly sit up and move toward the entrance.

I stand in the alcove just listening to the small movements when a hand is placed on my back making me shiver. "Sang?" Sean's voice is calm and questioning. I don't answer just wanting to stay in the little alcove alone but Sean doesn't understand and continues to push. "Sang? Sang why don't you go lay down?" He states placing a pressured hand on my shoulder.

"Stop." I whisper pulling away grumpily. Almost instantly it seems as though the entire apartment is silent. "Please just leave me be." Sean's comforting hand slips away and instantly I regret it.

Feeling the anger boil in my chest, I rest my head against the wall trying to fight the exhaustion taking over. It wasn't Sean's fault. I just needed a moment but instead I snapped.

Taking a slow deep breath, I stay there for a few more minutes before dizziness sets in and I am forced to melt to my knees. No, not now. I didn't need this now. Panicking, I grab tightly to the wall besides me. "Sang!" North grunts and his hands gently grip onto my hips. "Get Doc. Something is wrong." He orders someone and tries to get me to move but I am stuck.

"Sang baby? Love you need to let go." North whispers his voice trembling slightly as his hands slowly cup over mine slowly trying to remove my fingers from the wall.

"Sang? Sang can you hear me?" Sean whispers his voice panicked and I let out a small uncontrollable whimper.

"Baby girl!" North practically shouts but he sounds farther away now. Sean stays silent as his fingers move around my sides and then to my neck and forehead.

"She is warm." Sean whispers and places a heavy hand on my chest. "Come here Sang." He whispers this time stronger and I basically collapse into his arms.

"Sorry." I weakly manage making the fingers rushing around my figure pause for only a second.

"It's okay Pookie. Its okay. You are having a panic attack." I let out a heavy pant nodding a little as Sean's hand puts pressure on my stomach. "Slow it down. You need enough oxygen." Nodding again I force slower breaths and Sean's hand guides me until I am able to handle it on my own.

Feeling Sean's hands carefully lift me from the cool floor, I press my head into his neck breathing in his scent and grounding myself as my senses come back to me. "Should we-" Axel whispers and Sean tenses for a moment under me.

"If anything we need to speed this up. She doesn't feel safe here. It is clear she isn't sleeping." Owen whispers.

"Or eating." Raven grunts.

"Let's go." Axel states and the air rushes around me but Sean just holds tight to my sides. Resting, I stay tucked into his chest knowing better than to move from Sean's arms. Occasionally when someone passes by the doorway or enters, I feel a gentle hand rub my back.

"I'm sorry." I whisper placing my hand on Sean's chest. Surprised, I feel Sean tense a moment before pulling me closer to his side rearranging his arms so that he could reach up and squeeze my own.

There is a moment of silence before I feel Sean place a kiss on top of my head. "You are our light Sang. We don't mind giving you space if you need it but don't push us away when you are in pain. We are a family and you are the center. The pain you feel we all feel."

Nodding, I press my forehead into Sean''s neck understanding why he had been so worried before. "Let's get going." Owen whispers stepping into the room and I let out a small sigh of relief as Sean begins moving to the door and then out the door.

Gently squeezing his arm, he wraps me up in a warm blanket letting me down to my feet allowing me to take my first steps out into the world for the first time in a number of weeks. Shivering, I smile as I feel the soft touches of snow hit my cheeks.

For now... I am free.