Looking for the Light Through the Darkness

Chapter 83: Nights

The next couple of days moved slowly, between taking care of Gabriel and Kota, I kept myself busy trying to forget about what was going on in the outside world. But every night, my past would come back to me, full force. A knife carving up my back was probably the least gruesome of all my nightmares. But the pain when I woke up was ever so real. Thankfully, the boys were by my side at every moment so that I wouldn't be alone. Even the Toma team stayed close by and did their best to help. 

But the past continued to haunt me and tonight's nightmare had been worse. I had fallen asleep next to Gabriel who had finally recovered from his fever when I had dreamt of Bane entering into the safe house and killing the boys one by one. Waking up, I let out uneven breaths as I struggle to pull myself out of bed. My back radiates with pain as I manage to make it to the door and push it open. Leaning against the wall for a second, I gather myself before I slowly make my way down the hallway. At each door, I stop listening to the sound of even breaths. I count like Kota does, under my breath. By the time I make it to the end of the hallway, the pain in my back has become a consistent throb. All nine of my boys were accounted for. 

Slowly, I make my way to the kitchen area, and move to the opposite wing of the apartment. I start the same routine. One, Cory. Two, Brandon. I take a few more steps before opening the door a little once more. Three, Marc. Four, Raven. Closing the door, I make my way to the last door and pause. Axel. 

Trembling, I panic moving into the male's silent room when the sound of the bathroom across the room sounds. Letting out a shaken breath, I turn and meet the male standing behind me. "Sang?" Axel's voice is calm as he steps forward and kneels down before me. His hands carefully, slip into mine and I squeeze hard for a moment before he pulls me into a tight hug pressing my head into the crook of his neck. "He isn't here. Everyone is okay." He whispers quietly into my ear. Unable to hold back the tears any longer, I sob into his shirt clinging to him. Why had this happened to my family? 

Soon, I am to tired to move from Axel's arms and he carries me into the living room. His hands are careful not to skim across my back as he gently sets me on the counter top of the kitchen. Sitting there quietly, I hold still as he moves about the kitchen looking for something when I smell gun powder. 

"Raven.." I whisper and Axel pauses for a moment as Raven slowly approaches me and places a kiss on my cheek drawing me close. 

"Chto u tebya bolit malen'kaya ptitsa?" What is hurting you, little bird? Raven whispers into my ear and I tremble tucking my head into his chest. In our spare time, which we had a ton of because of our current imprisonment, Raven and Silas had been teaching me how to speak Russian and Greek.

"Moya spina." My back. I whisper back holding still as Raven carefully slips his finger tips under my shirt and raises it revealing my scars to the air. Letting out a painful whimper, I hold still as a cold wash cloth runs over my scars before disappearing. Letting out uneven breaths, I struggle to contain my emotions as I am carried over to the couch and wrapped up in a blanket.

Resting my head against Raven's chest, I can feel exhaustion taking over but I refuse to give in knowing what is waiting for me on the other side of my dreams. Raven talks to Axel about who should stay up with me but in the end Axel returns back to his room and I am left listening to old time reruns in Russian on television. How we even got this station was still a mystery to me but I just stayed quiet focusing on what words I was able to translate as the late evening turned into early morning.

I managed to get a couple of minutes more of sleep before Gabriel appears in a complete panic. "Gabe." I whisper letting the male know that I am here. Feeling a rush of wind, Gabe takes a seat in front of me and gently runs a hand through my hair. 

"You should have fucking-" Gabriel is interrupted by a grunt from Raven in warning. Feeling the exhaustion taking over, I let out a slow breath before looking to Gabriel. He had every right to be upset even if Raven didn't like his language. I had done something stupid. Really stupid. 

It had been a couple of days before... I had heard on the news that one of my friends from the streets had turned up dead. More blood on my hands. I had completely panicked  and blacked out. I don't even remember but apparently I tried to leave the building. Raven and North had thankfully stopped me before I had hit the outside pavement and all I kept saying was that I needed to turn myself in so that the blood shed would end. But it had definitely earned me a close watch and a lot of angry yelling matches. It however, didn't change my mind. This blood was still on my hands. 

"Sorry." I whisper and Raven's arm tighten arounds me as Gabriel lets out a frustrated sigh before placing a hand on my side and placing a soft kiss on my cheek. 

"What do you want to eat?" He whispers and I manage a small smile. 

"Eggs." I whisper and Gabriel moves to the kitchen area. 

"Spi, malen'kaya ptitsa. YA razbuzhu vas, kogda vasha pishcha budet gotova." Sleep little bird, I will wake you when your food is ready. Raven whispers wrapping a muscular arm around my side pressing me into his chest and instantly I am out like a light.  

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Sorry that it has taken me so long to update! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think!