Chapter 22

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I explained to Finn the details of my visit to London. I did avoid mentioning my mother's behaviour and her talk of forbidding me and Finn's relationship. I didn't need him getting flustered and confused like I had.

I was going to back to London with the crew and nothing could have made me happier, and Finn replicated these emotions with his enthusiastic excitement.

"What do you want to today?" My face flashed with anxiety. I didn't want to have sex again, not for a while.

"We could go hang with the others for a bit"

If he had wanted to have sex; I would have agreed. I would have sounded eager and leapt at his idea . I desperately wanted him to think he made me feel good and I wasn't quite sure why.

I put on a tight singlet and tucked it roughly in to my shorts. Finn put on some jeans and the thin singlet he wore that the night we had watched Aladdin. I smiled nostalgically, it felt like a lifetime ago.

We left our room and waited by the car for everyone to come out of hibernation. The weather was not claustrophobically humid or hot. I felt comfortable with Finn's warm body around me, without a red and sweaty sheen across my face. I wore my sunglasses to protect my eyes from the rising sun that was high in the sky.

Caspar, in only board shorts and jandals with Zoe's small delicate hand wrapped in his, left the hotel's marble reception and started walking across the empty car park to the car. I was leaning against up against the warm car, my back against the drivers seat window.

Finn's thick muscular arm was wrapped around my neck, with his chin resting on my head, occasionally kissing my cheek affectionately. I wriggled, slightly uncomfortable with people watching as Finn so publicly declared his love for me as he kissed at my lips. Caspar wolf whistled and Zoe giggled sweetly. I blushed and my mind kept jumping between two mind sets: oh this is so utterly embarrassing and I want to kiss Finn until I pass out from lack of oxygen. It was quite confusing.

Luckily Zoe had pulled me away from Finn to talk and gossip, when everyone else started coming out toward the car. I didn't want Jack to see me show affection toward Finn, it would kill me too many times over to see those eyes to open up to the size of dinner plates, wet with fresh tears and those lips to be pulled sharply together, straining to hold in all the thoughts Jack desperately wanted to speak.

"You fucked him didn't you?" Zoe asked, eagerly. Louise had joined our little gossip session and was smiling the most warm and loving smile at me. I felt like I was their most specialist friend; that I could be told the inner most secrets of there friendship.

"Yeah" I smiled but it was not a big smile and it was not proud nor happy. It was a smile full of lie; hiding my shame.

They both looked at me with concern and love. They came closer into our isolated group. Zoe looked over to the boys meters away who were all focused on a map they had laid out on the front of the car. They couldn't hear a word of what I was about to say, and thank god for that.

"What went wrong Livy?" Louise asked, gently rubbing at my back. She could sense my sadness.

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