Betrothed (currently being edited)

Chapter 71-Alone

I just wandered around our bedroom with a vodka bottle trying to stay wasted so I didn't think about him. I swapped out his shirts every other hour and that's all I wore. I stumbled out to the balcony and threw myself into a chair and threw my legs into an empty chair and lit up a cigarette and thumbed through my text messages reading the ones from Dimitri and sobbing. "Carina you need to eat" Marco set down a plate on the table in front of me. I held up the vodka and said "This is all I need" I slurred. He sighed. "You can't survive on vodka and cigarettes" he said softly. "I can fucking try" I snapped. "Carina, Di..." "Don't you dare say his name!" I screamed, crying at the same time. I laid my head on the table and passed out. Marco sighed, picked her and put her in the bed. He moved her hair out of her face and under his breath said, "I hope you know what you're doing."

I woke up with a pounding headache wondering how I ended up in the bed. I stumbled out of the bed and went back to Dimitri's closet. I had my box and wedding pictures and just sat there crying while looking at his beautiful face and listening to his voicemails so I don't forget what he sounds like. I can't survive this I cried out inside my head. My phone was vibrating again it was Lana. I couldn't talk to her right now so I let it go to voicemail. It was already one o'clock in the afternoon hell it might as well be midnight for all I knew. Time ceased for me after yesterday. I didn't care about anything or anybody, I just wanted to cease to exist. I tortured myself some more by watching our wedding video and listening to our vows. I started crying harder just listening to his voice. I threw my phone down; I had to get out of this closet. I drug myself to the balcony and sat down and picked up a cigarette and just stared into space. I tried to make a bargain with God that if he would just bring Dimitri back to me I would change. I continued to sit there until it got dark; eventually someone came in and I could hear them walking over to me. It was Mattias. "Carina, you have to eat. We can't have you wasting away." I felt bad for him, he was concerned about me; they all were. I brought my eyes up to meet his. "I just can't seem to care right now Mat. I close my eyes, I see him. I dream, I see him. I have never felt this kind of ache before. My heart physically hurts." She looked at him begging for an answer, but he didn't have one for her; not right now anyway. She looked away. "I guess if Viktoria has soup I will try and eat that" she shrugged. Mattias said he would get right back with it.

He passed Marco on the way down. "She said she would try soup" he said continuing on to the kitchen. Marco went on up and stood in the doorway listening to her sob. "You said you wouldn't leave me!" she screamed. "You lied!" Marco shook his head, turned around and left. He went and closed himself up in his office. It was almost that time. He pulled a small simple looking cell phone from his drawer and laid it on his desk; a few moments later it rang. "Da?" he answered. A disembodied voice spoke to him from the other phone. "She's devastated. She won't eat, she sleeps in the closet and she drinks vodka like its water, and she cries all the time." The voice spoke some more. " She actually asked me to shoot her." The voice yelled back. "We are taking care of her. Do your part and get your ass back here now before she goes over the edge." They hung up after a few more minutes. Marco sighed. "Hopefully this is over tomorrow. Just hold on a little longer Carina."

Mattias brought her the soup and watched her eat some. Some was better than nothing. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked softly. She shook her head and said "No thank you. I think I am going to take a shower." He nodded and left. She got up, feeling very tired, and made her way into the bathroom, started the shower and got in. Her mind went back to the last time she was in here; it was with Dimitri. She slid down the shower wall, to the floor and let tears flow down the drain. She sat there until the water ran cold; even then she had to force herself to get up. She toweled off, put on panties and slipped on Dimitri's Pink Floyd shirt and absentmindedly brushed her hair. I love you Car. Have I told you how sexy you are? I love only you. "God please stop!" she cried grabbing both sides of her head. "I can't take it anymore!" she screamed into the mirror. Marco came running in to find her laying across the lavatory weeping. "Come on Carina, come sit down" he said helping her into the bedroom. He got her on the edge of the bed and she just looked lost; his heart broke for her; it broke for his friend too. He just hoped in the end the greater good would be served. He gave her a pain pill; he couldn't have her up all night again and he needed some rest to deal with tomorrow. He got her tucked into bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep, then he headed back to his office for what he hoped was the last phone call. Same drill as yesterday; phone out of his desk and then wait. It rang! "Da?" Marco said all business. "You neutralized Asimov? So it's over?" He sighed heavily. "You're on your way? Four hours? Okay. I understand. See you in four hours."