The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 22-Trace

         Ever since I kissed Anya in front of everyone, I feel terrible. I shouldn't feel like my heart was ripped out of me. I wasn't dating anyone back home and she wasn't dating anyone. Why am I feeling like crap about it?

I have kept my distance from everyone and I don't think it is helping me or them. It is making me even more miserable and keep on thinking about my mother and Armin. Is this what Armin meant by keeping an eye over Anya? Did he know that I liked her more than just a friend? Armin always knew what I was thinking, it was like he was really my brother, we did everything together, Cason, Armin, and I, we were always doing the same things.

The day replays in my mind constantly.

It was the baseball game right before the championships and we were the number one school in the region and won championships the year before. It was top of inning four and Armin was up to bat right after Joey. Joey wasn't himself that afternoon and we didn't understand why he was spacey like. When Joey went to swing the second time, his grip came undone and the bat went flying. I yelled out to Armin, but by the time Armin heard it the bat already hit him in the head. The bat hit him right in the forehead, bounced and hit the dugout roof, shattering, and then falling back down and hitting Armin in the back of the head. Armin's blood splattered onto me and I ran over to cover the gash in his forehead. I held my hands over his forehead, but the blood was seeping through my fingers and onto the ground. I heard Anya screaming in the bleachers. Cason was standing near the opening of the dugout and had gasped. Cason had some of Armin's blood on his uniform and was sort of in shock by what happened. I believe Cason fainted five minutes later. Coach Silver, the second baseball coach and gym teacher of The Witting Academy, caught Cason and made sure he was okay and trying to keep him awake.

Armin stared up at my face. His breathing was fast and rapid, which, to me, didn't seem good. He stared at me and small tear drops were rolling down the side of his face.

"Trace," Armin whispered with a raspy voice. I nodded. "Promise me something."

"What?" I sobbed.

"If I die, watch over Anya and Alton for me. They need you in their lives, both of them need you. Take my place and be their brother or more."

"You won't die, Armin, it won't happen. You're going to live and I won't have to take over your spot because you'll still be here."

"I'm dying, Trace," he was taking shallow deep breaths. His breathing was slowing and the blood was pouring out faster. "Promise me," he whispered and closed his eyes.

"Armin!" I yelled and cried harder. "Armin, wake up, wake up now!" I yelled and soon the paramedics pushed me out of the way and took over. I stood there, blood on my hands and shirt from Armin, and softly said to myself, "I promise, Armin. I promise."

The police and an EMT took me to the side and questioned me and asked if I knew him. I was spacing out and worried about Armin that the questions they were asking were fuzzy. I soon said he was my brother and asked if he was going to live. My father came and brought me to the hospital with Locklyn, Anya, and Hadley following us. Cason was brought to the hospital and was released an hour later; he was fine and was told to relax and stay hydrated. My father didn't talk to me, he didn't know what to say I believe because when my mother died, he tried to comfort me and all it did was make me push him away more. Five hours later, the doctor came out and at first talked with my father, and when my father came back with the look I saw one too many times, we knew he didn't make it and that was when I lost it.

It will always be in the back of my mind; the blood, the screams from the bleachers, how he made me promise. It will always be there and I don't think Anya truly understands what he said to me.

Someone knocked on my bedroom door and I wiped my face with my left hand and sighed loudly. I answered the door and saw Anya standing there.

"Hey," she said walking past me and coming into my bedroom. "We need to talk about the other day."

"I was wrong in what I did and shouldn't have done that in front of everyone. I shouldn't have done it, period." I looked away from her brown eyes and how the sunlight coming through the window showed the red mixed into her brown hair. "I'm sorry Anya for everything I said. I feel terrible for everything and take full responsibility for what I did."

"Shut up, Trace!" she turned around and faced the window. "I liked the kiss and I never thought I would until it actually happened. Maybe Armin did know that I need you. Maybe he knew you would be the one to keep me sane and comfort me whenever I had anxiety or bad thoughts. Armin could have been your twin because you two are exactly alike and in the back of my mind, I want someone just like Armin. I want to have his personality in a man and that is you, you are Armin; you have his sense of humor, his laughter, his personality, everything about you is Armin."

"And what, did you like your brother more than just a brother?"

She turned to face me quickly. "God, no!" she yelled at me. "I like you, Trace. I may not have known it before but right now, I really like you and want more than just this bond of friendship." She looked up at me and grinned.

"Like a relationship?" I straightened my posture and watched as she nodded and smiled even wider. "But...but...Anya, really?"

"Yes, Trace, yes really!" she came over, grabbed my face, and kissed me on the lips. "Does that explain everything to you?"

"Anya, can this really work?" she made a face and stepped back from me. "Do you want a more intense relationship than just friends, sort of like Locklyn and Cason?"

"Yes, I want that relationship and I want it with you Trace." I grabbed her by the waist, pulled her close to my body, and kissed her on the lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I pushed her down onto the bed and began to deepen the kiss. Soon after, she was taking off my pants and I was taking off her shirt.

She wasn't resisting. She wasn't pulling away. She wanted this. This isn't her normal self and what will everyone think when they find out we slept together. I bet Armin is turning in his grave right now? He is probably asking 'Why Trace, why?' or 'Don't hurt her' or 'Make good choices'.

"Anya!" I yelled and pushed up off of her. She just stared at me. "I'm sorry." I shook my head and turned away from her. She covered her torso with the blanket. "I like you and I may even love you, but, I can't sleep with you. All I can think about is how Armin may be reacting in his grave right now and I want it to be special when we sleep together. I don't want Armin in my thoughts when we do it. I just want you in my thoughts."

"It wasn't me though, right? I didn't force anything onto you." I shook my head. "How about this, Trace?" I looked back at her. "We talk first, try and take it slow and not rush into anything. I don't want to be like Cason and Locklyn, falling into each other so quickly, and having everyone know what we do. I want this private for a bit."

"I agree with you. We need to take it slow and not show our emotions in front of everyone else. Now, lets go back downstairs and act like nothing ever happened." She nodded and I followed her down to the kitchen where lunch was all ready made and on the table. Hadley, Cason, and Locklyn were eating and very quiet.

After we finished eating, we went our separate ways throughout the house like Cason and Locklyn went outside to the pond, Hadley went to her room, Anya went to the basement, and I stayed in the living room.