The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 216-Anya

I want to go home. I want to be with my family, in the comfort of my own home, and spend as much time with Alton as I could. I can see the others want to go back home also, and I am willing to die just to be able to see my family.

Today Cason asked if I could go with him to look for the markers in the ground and at least try Trace's first escape plan. Cason collected rocks in the past week for the plan and I have to put them up against the markers and set the alarm off. I do not know why Cason asked me because I rather be in the kitchen cooking or taking inventory. Then again, cooking makes me sick and not want to eat and now Hadley is cooking.

Everything is changing at a rapid rate.

It messes with my brain.

I got dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and boots. I put a light jacket on and went downstairs to the hall, where Cason was putting a gun in the back of his pants.

"Hey," I tapped Cason on the upper arm. He grinned and gave me a utility knife. He tilted his head towards the front door and began to walk out of the house first. I followed.

We then began to walk into the forest. The tree tops created a canopy over our heads and made only small sunrays squeak through and give light to us. There were all sorts of sounds out here like toads croaking, birds chirping, and the occasional movement from behind.

Cason was about 500 feet ahead of me. He wasn't paying attention to the forest, he's focused on getting to the markers and start planning the escape. I ran to him and walked beside him.

"So," I began. Cason quickly glanced over at me. "Why did you ask me to come with you and not Hadley?"

"You need to get out of that kitchen and basement." I laughed and shook my head. "You're starting up again, Anya. I can see you falling behind and we don't need another incident like before with you. We are already down two people and can't be down three." I sighed and looked at the forest floor. "I'm recreating the rules also."

"What?!" I yelled and stopped. He continued walking then stopped and stared back at me. "What's wrong with the rules we have now? Who made you in charge of the house also?"

"Number one, no one was ever in charge," he pointed his pointer finger at me. "You assumed it was you because of all the medical stuff you know. Number two, I'm the only sane one right now and can handle whatever could happen. I'm the man of the house now, not Trace, he can't even walk, and number three, we need different rules now that two people can't do anything, and it means change of chores."

"I'm still going to cook. You can't stop me," I said while I walked past him and to the markers.

"Anya!" He yelled and ran after me. "You need a change, we all do, and I want someone to watch Locklyn because she is getting close to labor and I don't want her alone. Change is good." I took a deep breath, held it in, and allowed my face to fill with anger. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, my nostrils flaring, and my eyes becoming dark from the inner demons attacking my mind.

"No!" I yelled and turned on my heels to face him. "Change isn't good! It means everything will be different and you have to alter yourself to fit the changes. It isn't always good, Cason. Change is scary. It causes you to sit and actually have to listen to your emotions and then try and figure out how to survive." I was waving my arms around.

Change is scary to me because after Armin died, I had to get used to the quietness of the car rides home afterschool, how the house was stuck in a standstill, and everyone saying sorry and hoping he is in a better place rather than suffering, really quick. Cason should understand because he is having children and has to change from being a normal eighteen-year-old to a father of two or three. He has responsibilities now. He can't lack and go off to a party when things get too tough. Change isn't good.