The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 36-Locklyn

Anya told me to rest my leg for ten days and I feel terrible because I can't do my responsibilities around the house. Cason is always making sure I am okay and I respect him for his loyalty towards me, but, it's overwhelming after awhile.

Hadley took over my responsibilities and when she did the laundry, she gave it to me to fold and sort, since it is the only thing I can do for the next four days. Although, I can walk around the house slowly and holding onto something, it's just tiring to do and really I just want to cry.

Being stuck in the house is very hard for me. I am so used to going out, shopping, sport events, dates with Cason, parties, anything that is not done in the comfort of your home. Now the new normal for us is this cabin and nothing to do in it! I have been trying so hard to make the best of this situation and I can't always be the one who is cheerful because I see Cason having his bouts of depression.

Since I have been sitting on my butt and not doing anything, I feel like my body has become Jell-O and my bone structure isn't there anymore. Why? I don't have the exact answer on why I feel so empty and mushy, I just know that one reason may be because I have been on the couch for six days straight.

Trace came into the living room with a plate of food for me. "Here you go, Lock." He put it on the coffee table in front of me. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, just sick of sitting here." He nodded. I looked at the plate that has a small portion of meat, mixed vegetables, and some pasta. I felt sick instantly. "Um, Trace, I can't eat this right now."

"Why not?" he sat down on the couch across from me. "You just said you feel fine."

"The smell is making me sick. Please, take it away from me. Just get me some lemonade."

"Whiskey?" he asked standing up with the plate.

"No alcohol. I just want lemonade and see if Anya can make me some soup, my stomach isn't feeling too well." He nodded and left and soon Anya came in, crossed her arms across her chest, and stared down at me with a look of concern. "What, Anya?"

"Why can't you eat the food I made? I'm not wasting food because you don't want to eat what we made. What is going on with you?"

"The smell of the meat was making me sick. My stomach is very nauseous and I want some soup and lemonade."

"No lemonade, the acid will make the nausea worse. I'll make some chicken noodle soup and see how you feel after eating that." I nodded. She left and came back fifteen minutes later with a glass of water and a bowl of soup.

"Thank you, Anya, you're the best." She grinned and sat down next to me.

I began to eat the soup and stopped halfway and stared down at it. Tears filled my eyes and I dropped the bowl and covered my face. I was bawling my eyes out and didn't know why I was.

"Locklyn." Anya kneeled down in front of me and took my hands away from my face. "Why are you crying? What is going on right now?"

"I don't know," my voice was raspy and shaking. "I want to go home. I want my mother and it sucks that I left on bad terms with her. She is my mother and I get she can be bitchy at times but I was wrong in what I said to her. I'm jealous of Rydal and how she is famous for modeling. She's prettier than me and it just sucks overall."

"Rydal is not prettier than you, don't think that. You are beautiful, Lock. Look at what you have versus Rydal; Rydal doesn't have a boyfriend and won't find one as great as Cason and she doesn't have a friendship like us five, she is alone, in Europe, probably sleeping around with many drunk men and hating her life because she might have an STD from someone." I laughed and wiped my eyes. "Locklyn, just know you are so much better than Rydal because you have potential and know what you want in life when she has no idea what is going on. She may have been number one in school and created a reputation to live up to, but she is nothing compared to you and I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart." I hugged Anya tightly and smiled.

"I love ya, Anya."

"I love ya too, Locklyn. Now, how is your stomach feeling?"

"Okay, better than it was but not one hundred percent." Anya nodded and cleaned up the bowl I dropped. I fell asleep after a while of sitting on the couch and reading one of the chapter books that was in the buffet.

Two hours later, I woke up to someone throwing wood into the fireplace and the faint smell of smoke. I opened my eyes to see Trace kneeling in front of the fireplace and trying to start a fire. I blinked several times and closed my eyes again, everything was fuzzy and faded, I felt like this wasn't happening.

The room felt like it was spinning and I was about to fall off the couch and through the floor into the basement. The stitches on my leg were beginning to burn and feel wet and sticky, like blood was seeping through the small pores in my skin. Sweat was pouring down and soaking the pillow underneath my head. My whole body began to burn with fire and I couldn't speak up.

I soon heard Trace yell and he was shaking me. I was going in and out of consciousness and couldn't register what he was saying or who else was there. I soon sat up, leaned over the side of the couch, and threw up several times.

"Locklyn!" Cason was covered in my puke. He stood up and looked down at me. I threw up again and again, this time onto the floor. "I have to go shower. Trace, get a bucket for her. Disgusting!" Cason walked upstairs and I heard the shower turn on. I was coming back, but still felt the need to throw up.

Trace put down some towels and then a bucket for me to puke in. I was heaving and trying to force up the ball of vomit stuck in my throat. I couldn't get the rest out; I stuck my finger down my throat and the vomit came right out and into the bucket. I lied back and closed my eyes tightly and turned to my side.

"What was all of that?"

"I told you I feel sick. No one gets how terrible I feel."

"Locklyn, you were unconscious. I was trying to wake you up because blood was everywhere on the couch, we moved you to the other one."

"Why was there blood?" I looked over at the couch and saw the blood. "Was it from my leg?"

"Yes, you were bleeding a lot. Cason said it may have been your period but we looked at your leg and the gauze was covered with blood." I nodded. "Why are you throwing up?"

"I feel sick, Trace!" I yelled and covered my mouth. I threw up again into the bucket. "Don't get me upset, please."

"Fine. I will get you some water and tea." I nodded and he left. Cason came back into the living room with the tea and water for me.

"How ya feeling now?" Cason asked.

"Crappy. I don't understand why I am feeling like this. I just want to get back into doing my responsibilities."

"Lock, did you think about what I said the other day. Do you think you're pregnant because these are all of the signs of pregnancy and you told me everything is heightened and sensitive? Have you thought it through?"

"Cason, I can't be pregnant? I just can't be."

"Let me ask you something." I nodded. "When was the last time you had your period, as normal and not irregular?" I shrugged. "Locklyn Giovanna, you never missed one and I know that because of how well you keep track. We have been dating since we were sixteen, I know your body and this isn't like you, even during a hang-over. I'm worried about you. I love you with my life and I want the best for you."

I had to think for a minute in my head. "The last time I had it was August 19th, a week before we were taken. I had it for a day while here, remember?" he nodded. "Cason, we will know if we are going to have a baby in the next couple months. I don't know exactly if I am pregnant, we have no way to find out. If there is a baby bump in the next three months, I am pregnant, but for right now, I'm not."

He stood up, "fine, we will find out in a couple of months." He kissed me and then walked out of the living room.