The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 244-Trace

Anya has been quiet and upset about Armin hiding everything. I try to talk to her about it but she ignores what I'm saying and acts like nothing is going on. Hadley has been crying every night before bed and I want to help her, but don't know how, she is dealing with losing her child and true love at once; that must sting and burn for her. Locklyn has been in her bed since Monday. She keeps having contractions and pain and is having to go to the bathroom every five minutes.

I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a toilet flushing. It must be Locklyn, it hast to be Locklyn. I turned to my side and closed my eyes. I heard my door open, close, and then lock. I peeked through my eyelashes to see Anya tip-toeing into my room and climbing into bed next to me. I turned to look over at her; she was curled up in a ball with her back to me.

"Anya?" I whispered and put my arm over her. "You okay?" she shook her head and sobbed. "What's wrong?" I asked her softly. She looked over at me, took my face, and kissed me hard on the lips.

"I love you." I smiled widely when she said that. "I forgive you for what you did for Armin. He obviously had a problem and didn't want me to worry and tell mom and dad. Its just I can't believe Hadley and him hid this very intense relationship from everyone for five years."

"they were scared of what could happen."

"And what if that baby lived? Where would Hadley and Armin be right now? Would they have gotten married? Move in together? Have another baby? Its driving me crazy just to think that she was carrying my brother's child."

"Anya, you need to stop thinking about the what ifs. Armin wouldn't want you to question what could have happened. What he would want from you is to comfort Hadley and make sure she is okay. She lost her child and I can't think of anything worse than that. Look at my father and how depressed he is. He lost two children and a wife. Would you really want to go through that pain of knowing your body can create this life but then reject it a couple weeks later?" she shook her head. "okay, now go to sleep." I kissed her on the cheek and closed my eyes.

Thinking about it now, I remember Armin becoming depressed in the summer between tenth and eleventh grade. That was about the time Hadley miscarried and she wasn't around a lot and spending time with Brad and her sister, Colleen.

Armin, Cason, and I went into the city for a day without the girls. Armin was quiet and didn't want to even go, but we dragged him out of the house and took a taxi into the city.

"Guys, I don't want to go," Armin whined in the taxi. "I just want to stay in bed. I'm not feeling well."

"You've been in bed for a week now," Cason said. "You need to have some fun and we all are. What's up with you anyway? You're acting weird. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing!" he yelled and looked out the window.

"Armin, really?" I said. "You're on edge and need to relax. That is why we are going into the city and having some fun."

"What I need is to go back home and into bed. I'm going through something and really don't feel like going out. I need to call Sadie and see what she's doing anyway."

"When are we going to meet this Sadie girl?" Cason asked. Armin laughed and shook his head. "What?"

"soon." Armin went on his phone and started to type. "Guys, I need to ask you something." Cason and I nodded. "if something was to happen and many people were against it, would you two still be my friends and help me, if it was to happen?"