She's A Hurricane

Chapter Thirty Four

After everything I had revealed, Greg decided we should start having therapy sessions more frequently, especially after what occurred on the boat. I knew he could sense some built up tension and therefore called me in.

He initiated his usual routine of asking me if I wanted tea, to which I always said no. I don't like tea, why hadn't he got the picture yet? Nevertheless, I was not rude about it. It seems that despite wanting to hurt and make his life a living hell, I had failed miserably. I didn't want to be horrible to him anymore.

The truth was I liked all of the Thompson family, expect Charlotte of course. I had even grown to tolerate Lucas and his bratty behaviour, which was becoming less and less common. Alice was as sweet as ever and as for Jamie, well I couldn't love him more than I tried.

The days of me hating them and thinking they would be the nerdiest family going seemed so distant now. My whole old life seemed so far away. I didn't think about my so-called friends or my reckless behaviour. I didn't even think about my mum.

But it got me thinking, did that make me a bad person? I mean my mum had made mistakes but she hadn't totally ruined my life and I didn't hate her, so why didn't I miss her?

Perhaps something inside me was broken, I was broken.

"Now, I want to discuss the incident on the boat the other day..."

How did I know that was coming? Of course that's what he would bring up first; I was kind of ready for it though.

"What about it?"

"How did feel... when you were under the water?"

A vivid flash back of me screaming and kicking as I stayed helplessly submerged under the bubbles flooded back. What had I been feeling? There was only one word for it.

"Fear" I said simply, picking at my nail polish that always seemed to be chipped.

"And what exactly was it that you were afraid of?"

"Um... drowning?" I responded sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at him. Wasn't that obvious? What a beyond stupid question.

"Why didn't you just kick... you would have floated to the top"

"I was kicking... I just didn't move..."

"Perhaps you weren't kicking hard enough?" Greg suggested. I didn't know what game he was playing but I simply didn't understand what he was talking about.

"Huh?" I scrunched up my nose in confusion,

"Well... if you've kicked then... you would have resurfaced, the water wasn't that deep..." He explained thoughtfully, placing down his mug of tea, "You see... I think in your head you were kicking... but in reality you just froze, which is why Jamie jumped in to save you..."

What? I wasn't kicking? But how is that possible? I had felt my legs moving under me, I was so sure of it. My mind started racing. What if he was right? What if I had only imagined myself kicking when I really wasn't? It was the most bizarre idea but I could see where he was coming from.

"I-I... don't know..."

"Kat what you have to remember is that fear isn't real, it is just a product of thoughts you create, that you think are real. But they're not. Danger is real of course, but fear... fear is a choice..."

For some reason, this angered me immensely. An anger that had been dormant for a while suddenly rose inside me.

"A choice?! Are you serious?" I seethed, "You think I choose to be scared? You think I want to be scared of water to the point where I nearly drown? Do you?!"