She's A Hurricane

Chapter Forty Three

My throat was throbbing but the time I stopped crying. I felt quite pathetic as I desperately tried to wipe away my tears for the second time that day. I really was losing all control.

"I-I'm so sorry..." I repeated, gulping back the tears and looking up to meet Jamie's eyes. He seemed somewhat shocked by my display of emotion and I couldn't blame him, after all he had never seen me like this before.

"Please say s-something..." I urged in a hushed tone. I needed him to tell me it was going to be okay.

"I don't know what to say" He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. He was so conflicted, which was understandable. Why should he forgive me so easily just because I turned on the water works? I had betrayed him and he shouldn't just forget that.

"I promise... nothing like this will ever happen again, I want to change. I want to be a better person... for you"

Jamie frowned, "You're not a bad person... not all the time anyway..."

His attempt at humour prompted a faint smile from me. The fact he wasn't shouting anymore meant maybe there was hope. Perhaps he would forgive me in the end, even though I didn't actually deserve it.

"I am... I know I am... I try so fucking hard to be a good person and make the right decisions but despite every attempt... I'm still not good enough..."

"Sometimes good people make bad decisions... that's all Kat..." Jamie said casually, staring directly at me. So he didn't think I was a bad person? Somehow, even though I wanted him to forgive me with all my heart, it just didn't feel right. I didn't want him to forgive me so easily when I had hurt him so much.

"I love you very much Jamie... but I don't deserve you" I replied firmly, tucking a stray piece of blue hair behind my ear. I couldn't believe those words had actually come out my mouth. I had never been so brutally honest with someone before.

"Which is why I think it's time for me to go home... with my mum..."

"What? No... I don't want that" He said quickly, his eyebrows knitting together. I didn't want that either, but deep down it was the best for both of us. If I stayed, I would end up hurting him again, I could feel it.

"It's for the best..."

"For who exactly?"

"For both of us... I don't deserve your forgiveness or your love... and you would be better off without me... you don't need the drama" I admitted, "Your family is being ripped apart and it's my fault and I just don't want you to—"

I was cut off by his lips crashing into mine. His hand immediately moved up to my face, caressing my cheek. I was slightly reluctant at first but I couldn't help it. I sunk into the kiss in relief. Despite knowing I didn't deserve it, I couldn't resist Jamie.

I kissed him back as though it would be the last time, because in reality I didn't know whether that was the truth or not. I was going to make it count either way.

Eventually, we pulled apart and my heart was pumping rapidly against my ribs. The sense of adrenaline had returned and I could not stop the grin that grew on my lips.

"What was that for?"

"To shut you up really" He joked, also beaming ear to ear, "And because... I forgive you... I guess I kind of have to since I can't imagine my life without you, not anymore..."

"Really?" I said in disbelief. I wasn't going to argue anymore. It was his choice whether he forgave me or not.

"Yeah... and I'm sorry too"