Uproar

Chapter 38

Chester

I had my head resting against the desk, my eyes closed. I had a throbbing headache and my entire body felt so tired and weighed down. My face felt stiff from all the dried tears on my face. Everyone was being so difficult. Even Dave, who had his wedding coming up in just four months and was busy with planning.

Rob had avoided me again since we got back from tour.  The only time he stayed close was when Mike was around or we had to be in the studio. Other than that, he didn't text or call me, or even ask to hangout anymore. I didn't know what was going on between us. He never said we were dating, so I never considered him as a boyfriend. I'm sure he didn't consider me as his. I was just hung up on him. I missed messing around.

I had thought about it several times. Maybe it was just a fling. I still had feelings for Mike like mad, and grief always seemed to take place when he was around. Its been nine years since we dated but every memory in high school still felt like yesterday. It was so sudden how he hated me. I wish I had the old Mike back. The happy one.

I would see glimpses of that Mike when he was with the rest of the guys, whenever he thought I wasn't around. He only gets so sour when he knows I'm around.

And to top everything off, I knew my drug addiction was getting worse. I was taken more amounts of them, needing more amounts and my body just couldn't function without them. I know I'm killing myself like this. But wouldn't it be better like that?

I sighed and knuckled away  some stray tears that began to fall. I hated this so much. Maybe just this record and I'll leave. This band deserved better.

I jumped when  the door creeked open behind me. I sat up and turned around. Rob stood frozen at the doorway. Great.

"Oh, I didn't know you were already here this early," he said as he stepped inside and closed the door quietly.

"Um, yeah. I couldn't sleep so I came over here."

He sat down next to me. "Is everything okay?"

I shook my head. "Things are just so bad right now."

Rob put a hand on my shoulder. "It's gonna be okay."

I sighed, took my glasses off and put my face in my hands. Tears were steadily flowing down my face. I didn't even know why I was crying this time.

"Hey," Rob cooed as he turned me around to face him, "Don't be upset. You know I'm here to listen."

"I just feel so alone. I miss him, Rob. So much," I cried out. Rob stared at me, sadness filling his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, as if he struggled to find what to say.

"Chester, you know I like you, a lot. But I can see Mike is the one you need. And I..." he trailed off, biting his lip, a single tear sliding down his face. "I'm willing to let you go."

My heart was pounding on my chest, squeezing like it had somehow heard Rob, and was feeling it's own guilt. I was quietly sobbing now. Hiccups and sobs escaping me as I shook.

I liked Rob too, but like he said, I needed Mike more than ever. I knew he wasn't gonna come around soon, but I needed him.

"Kiss me," I found myself whispering. Rob looked at me, confused. "Please," I moved my chair closer towards his, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Just one last time." I had my hands intertwined with his now, gripping them. Rob just stared at me, unsure about what I was saying and not responding.

"Rob," I begged. I let go of him and began to turn around, but he pressed his lips firmly onto mine, hands gripping my shoulders. We stayed like this for a few seconds and then he pulled away.