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Sierra pov

"Sierra. Do you want to go swimming? When we get home?" Mom asks on her phone. "Sure." I said. We got home and me mom went into our rooms to change. I changed my shirt in a top then I took of my pants and saw my thigh that was infested with cuts, it wasn't clean at all. It was bad, really bad. I had cuts and words like "lost hope" "fat" "ugly" and "dead" "sad"

I rolled my eyes and put on long Nike shorts. I recovered my cuts on my wrists with makeup, I couldn't get in the pool to many secrets. I grabbed a towel met with mom outside. "Why are you wearing shorts?" Mom lets out a chuckle. I shrugged "felt like it I guess."

I could be carving make words into me right now. But no I had forced myself to seem happy. I sat on the edge planning my outfit for tonight, we had a red carpet for a new movie we were invited to. "Whatcha thinking about?" Mom asked. "My outfit for tonight." I smiled. "How about a dress?" Mom smiled. I shook my head no "I was thinking a pantsuit." I smiled. "uh okay. Whatever you want." She giggled. "Why is there makeup on your wrist?" Mom asked looking at me. I looked at my wrist and it was running because I accidentally put it in the pool.

"Oh I was playing with foundation colors." I lied. "Sierra are you cutting again?" Mom asked seriously she came over to me and attempted to grab my wrist but I quickly pulled away. "No! I'm fine." I said standing up. Mom got out of the pool "the fact that you pulled away your wrist means your doing something." Mom said pushing me inside. I started to cry she grabbed a wet towel and washed off the makeup. "Is this all?" She said horrified at the 4 deeps cuts on my wrist.

"yes." I lied looking down. "I did it right after Hannahs funeral. I'm fine I promise." I began to get good at manipulating people. "You promise?" Mom said. I nodded she engulfed me in a hug. "Can I get changed?" I asked. "Yeah I'm going to shower." we walked upstairs to my room and I shut the door and started taking deep breathes. I picked out black leggings and a white shirt. I have to be more careful. I undressed and looked at myself in the mirror, I was horrified. My cutting was getting worse. I had began cutting on my ribs, and my right thigh was so cut it was horrible. I'm not sure it was even a thigh at his point. I got into a bath and twirled the razor around in my hand. I looked at my feet, I grabbed my left foot and slowly dragged the razor on the top. Leaving a trail of blood I smiled. On the side of my foot I began cutting words.
"P"
"E"
"R"
"F"
"E"
"C"
"T"

The water was now turning pink again. I turned it into a shower and changed. I put socks on and went downstairs we had 3 hours before we had to get ready. "Wanna order pizza?" Mom said coming into the kitchen shaking out her wet hair. I went onto my phone and went on Instagram, I was tagged in so many sad edits, because of that one time I cried on Ellen. "Sure." I wasn't going to eat it but whatever. Mom got on her phone and dialed and ordered a cheese.

"Do you want to talk about anything? I don't want you to keep your feelings piled up." Mom said sitting next to me. "I'm fine."

That was something I say a lot now. Everyone must think I'm crazy."do I have to go to that movie? I really don't want to." I said. "I suppose not. Do you want me to stay here?" Mom asks. "No, I'll be fine." I smiled. The pizza man had come and so had Kelsy to do moms make up and hair. "I'll be upstairs." I said walking to my room. I grabbed my razor, after a while it stops doing justice. I needed something else.

I looked in my drawers and found a Bobby pin. I put it on the counter "I need a lighter." I went into my room. I knew I had one in here from the weed. "Oh it's in the guest room on the deck." I went into the guest room, closed the door walked to the window and opened it. I went outside and in the corner there it was. I grabbed it, went back into my room. I went to my bathroom closed the door. I sat down with the Bobby pin in my left hand and the lighter in my right. Pulled down my pants and looked at my hip. I lit the lighter and put the bobby pin over the flame for about 8 seconds. I then put the Bobby pin to my skin.

I could feel it burning into my skin. I then fastly dragged it. Then there was a maroon line. I winced at the pain it caused. I did that about 4 more times. I then shoved the lighter and bobby pin in my dresser. "I'm probably going to end up dead." I laughed at myself. For some reason that didn't sound bad, "Sierra!" Mom yelled. I pulled up my leggings and walked out of my room. "Oh my god! You look beautiful!" I smiled walking down the stairs. "Thank you baby." I hugged her "I have to get going, just text me if you need anything." Then she hugged me and kissed my forehead. "Have fun bye." Then she left.

I was staying home alone until Dallas got here which could take up to 20 minutes. I hated being alone in a house. I went upstairs to continue what I was doing. I jumped on my bed and it was so fucking hot. I changed into shorts and you could see my cuts. So I just had to changed when Dallas got here. You couldn't see any of the words only the burns and cuts.

I got out my guitar and began writing another song. Then I heard something hit my window. I got up and looked out the window it was a bunch of teenage girls. They were taking pictures of me "go away!" I yelled opening my window. "WE LOVE YOU SIERRA!" They yelled. "Thanks! But I'm trying to sleep!" I faked. "WHATS ON YOUR LEG!" A girl asked. I looked down and my cuts were showing. "Fuck." I shut the window locked it and off the lights. I changed into my leggings, I went downstairs and opened the door and they were sitting down. "You guys have to leave. The cops come by and check I don't want you guys to get introuble." I said.. One girl was crying and the others were freaking out. "Can we get pictures?" They asked.

"Sure." I took pictures with the girls and then Dallas rolled up as they left. "Who were they?" Dallas asked as we we walked inside. "Some stalkers." I laughed. "I'm gonna go to sleep I'm pretty tired." I said. "Okay kiddo night." She smiled.

I walked up stairs and fishtailed my hair. I got in my bed and went on my phone. "OMG MET @/IAMSIERRA FREAKING OUT!" One of the girls posted and I liked it and retweeted. I scrolled down when I got another tweet "Sierra lovato do you cut yourself?" Then there was two pictures. Me at me window with a circle around my leg, the. The second picture zoomed in on it. You could see like 8 cuts. I started to cry.

I tweeted back "I was cat sitting and I hate cats, i tired to pick it up and it clawed me." I lied. Then all of a sudden a million people saw the tweet, tweeting me like crazy and those girls posted more pictures. "Oh my god." I said. Then Maya texted me. "This are not cat marks. Why are you harming yourself?" Maya asked. Then I texted back. "No they are. I'm not harming myself!" I held my phone in my hand and put my head down. "Show me them." Dallas said bolting in to my room. "Show you what?" I laughed nervously. "Your cuts, Sierra! This is serious! Your harming your perfect body! Why!" She yelled. "First off my body is so far from perfect. Second of all I DONT CUT! I STOPPED!" I yelled. I got up from my bed and went to moms room and slammed the door and locked it because I knew damn well she was not going to leave MY room.

"Sierra, come out please! I'm sorry." She yelled. "No! I'm fine! Okay! Just leave me alone I'm going to sleep!" I yelled. I got under the covers and closed my eyes.
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I rolled around and saw mom taking off her makeup. "Sorry princess I didn't mean to wake you." She smiled. "No it's okay. I was watching tv and fell asleep. Sorry." I said getting out of her bed. "It's fine, hey I got the weirdest thing. I was on the way home when my Twitter and Instagram were blowing up with pictures of you, you know with cuts on your thigh. But you said you didn't, so those pictures must be photoshopped?" Mom asked raising an eyebrow.

She knew I breathed in deep. Should I lie or say the truth. "Yeah photoshop." I fakely smiled. "Sierra, don't lie to me."

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