Shatter ✔ #TheWattys2017

62. Free As A Bird

Chapter Soundtrack:
Lynyrd skynyrd - Free Bird

(I always think of forest gump when jenny is standing on the ledge ab to jump. Being from the deep south i love some lyn skyn.

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Time jump is next chapter unless you wanna see one more from her time at this pack along with nic ans eden in the same chap.  Read AN below to vote!

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Another week later

Nova

Staring out at the pond from my bedroom window, flashback from that horrible night a week ago flood my memories. I get chills just thinking about Grace's lifeless body.. limp. Cold. Blue tinted..

What i said to her had some affect. Since that night she's been less depressed. Shes been eating. Shes been trying. Conrad has been putting all his effort in to helping her like he did with me.. she wakes up early to train. He no longer babies her... which is good.

For me?

Well... since my realisations that ive been a stage five clinger in the emotional department.. ive distanced myself this past week.. i was fully healed from the battlewounds of losing, the very next day. I went right out there and asked for more. Ive trained day and night.. fighting.  Trying to prove to myself that i did in fact deserve this tattoo on my arm. That i can be emotionally independent.  Ive stayed away from Conrad.. from Alexa.. from Damon.. from anyone i have formed bonds with here. I just needed to branch away. To make myself realise i can do this.

Conrad and I are still on good terms. He knows im trying to force myself to rely on me and hes been okay with that. We have talked a little here and there but i no longer wake him up in the mornings to train with me. No. Ive been doing it on my own.

He said that Dark Moon is a lot different.. that if i thought his pack was more wolf, that i wouldn't know what to do with Dark Moon because they are by far the most wolf like pack out there. That i probably wouldn't have friends.. that i would be on my own.  Id have to fight for everything i got.

Which is why i also gave my cellphone back to Conrad the day i was put up at the clinic. If im going to find myself.. if im going to be emotionally dependant.. i needed to cut all contact off from.everyone until i was ready. I know its not necessarily the right way to do things.. i know my family misses me..  but i have to do this for myself and my wolf. She misses being in packlife.. the life we had when Conrad was my constant.  Conrad and I will always be friends, we have established that.. but this was just something i needed to do.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

This was mine.

Completely cut off from the outside.. forcing myself to make my own way.

Its for the best.

Throwing on some yoga pants, my workout hoodie and my trainers, i make quick work of brushing my teeth before hauling myself downstairs and out to the training feild. Now i start my mornings with a five mile run before working out and fighting.

I need to be better.

I want to be better.

I was no longer training to feel pain so i didnt have to think about the impending doom ahead of me.. no. I thought about my mateship.. i thought about Zaryn.  Deacon. Everything i had been blocking out had resurfaced but now I trained to be a stronger me.