One Direction/Janoskians imagines.♥

Our Struggles (Louis Tomlinson)

We weren't normal. I wasn't normal. You weren't normal.

Watching you from the distance, not in a stalkerish way, but in admiration. The way you laugh, smile, talk, move just fascinated me.

But lately I haven't seen that smile, heard that laugh, barely heard you talk.

Darling, darling, darling, what was happening? I've noticed the major weight loss, the lack of eating. The sweaters you wore when it was far to hot for one. You never thought I noticed.

Walking into the music room, I saw you at the piano, you were slouched over, tracing something on your wrist. I moved closer, but quietly. I snuck a peek at your wrist. I see what I thought was, but it was still shocking. I put my hand over the hand the traced those angry, red lines.

Your head snapped up. Shock was evident in your beautiful, but sad aqua blue eyes. I sat on the bench next to you,"Louis," I whispered.

You didn't know who I was, where I can from, but none of that mattered. What mattered was the fact that at that moment was that you needed someone. I reached over to you, wrapping my arms around your body. It didn't take long for you to wrap your arms around me. Fisting my shirt, pulling me closer. You tried hiding your crying, but I knew you didn't want to hide anymore,"Just let it out. Your fine, I have you. I won't let go."

That was six months ago-

Here I was now standing with you next to me smiling, laughing. Your fingers interlocked with mine. The sun spilling out over the trees, making your smile even bigger and brighter.

You would never have guessed that you were at your breaking point a few months ago.

I vowed to remember this day forever. Your hand locked with mine, your other wrapped around my waist. The loving look in our eyes we shared.

I would cherish this day.

Five months after-

I stood facing you with tears rushing down my face. I looked at your kneeling figure, holding a ring out to me.

You stared up at me with a hopeful gleam in your beautiful eyes. Even though we both knew I was so much in love with you I wouldn't have be able to say no.

"(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I love you so much. I know we haven't known each other for ling, but I want you in my life. You mean the world to me. Your my best friend, my soulmate and more. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife." We're the words you spoke.

Now I stand here three years later. Staring at your navy blue casket, that held your body. You could imagine my surprise when I came home to find you sleeping. Peacefully. You never took naps, I tried to shake you thinking it would work. Even though I knew it wouldn't.

I saw the pills you clutched in your right hand. And I knew. Few days after I found your body, I laid on your side of the bed clutching my pregnant belly. I was going to tell you, but I was to late. Maybe if I told you sooner, you would have stayed. I remember seeing a piece paper sticking out from under your pillow, I pulled it out.

(Y/N), My love,

I'm so sorry, I left. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't find anything to smile about except for you. But the pain in my heart was too much. I tried for you, for us, but couldn't. I'm sorry I left without a proper good-bye. If I did do this properly than I wouldn't have done it at all.  I'm sorry you had to find me this way. Honestly love, I couldn't do it anymore. I love you so much. I don't want you to mourn my death love, I want you to move on with your life. Love with all you have. Forget me if you can. Don't forget how much I love you. Maybe I was selfish, because I took the easy way out. There was one thing I didn't tell you. I had cancer. I remember you telling me your fear. How everyone you lost died of cancer, how you didn't want to loose someone else you care for to cancer.  I wasn't going to let you face that fear alone, I wasn't going to let cancer be the death of me. Maybe I went about it the wrong way. I loved you so much, too put you through that, but either way it had the same outcome. My love, I don't know where this note will end if I keep going so I'm going to end it here. Don't cry darling, we'll meet again one day. I love you so much. You made my life worth living.

                        Love always,

            Louis Tomlinson.

I love you baby.

I remember feeling the tears rush down my face. I remember being so mad at you. I remember loving you so much more, if possible. I was so mad at you for using my fear as an excuse, but loved you so much more because you'd actually take your own life so I wouldn't have to face my fear.

And maybe that made me selfish as well. Being to scared to face my fear. Loosing you though was my biggest fear, I didn't realize it at the time. I watched as they lowered your body and spoke, "He will be dearly missed," They had no idea.

My love, my thoughts always go back to that day when we were so in love, so happy. The sun shined brightly over you, our hands locked together. My love, I wish you would not have taken your life, our little girl never met you. We never got to grow old together. We never got to be the of couple everyone envied. We never got to sit on the porch watching over our grandchildren.

Seventy years later and I still never found a new love. You were the only one for me. Never loved someone as much as you. Louis, my love for you never went away, if anything it grew. I can't wait for the day to see you again.

Please darling, my love wait for me. I love you so much, so please wait, I'll be there soon.

~*~

Cried so effing much. I don't even know why I thought of this. I was watching titanic and this came to me.

Misssssssseeeeeyyyyyy.xx