Faking It || l.r.h

31. Here We Go Again

*Luke's POV*

After leaving Avery's place, I needed to go somewhere to calm down from our heated argument and that meant to my special place. I didn't want to go home where everyone would ask me what's wrong or if there's anything they could do. I appreciate their concern but I think it's best that I'm on my own for now.

After the long drive, I finally arrived and got out the car and started the walk up to the lake. I approached my serene area and instantly felt relaxed. This is the only place that takes my mind off of whatever I'm going through.

I went over to the lake to skip rocks across it. The activity allowed me to do something as I thought about my current situation.

That fight was intense and it seems she's gotten everything she's ever wanted to say off her chest. I guess I did too. Maybe it was never meant for us to be together; friends or anything more. This fight was even worse than our first one. She didn't even seem to care whether she hurt my feelings or not, but I guess I didn't either. I called her pathetic and terrible names. I haven't been that cruel to her since we hated each other.

I threw another stone and it landed in the water with a loud ker-plunk and I sat on some nearby boulders.

What's wrong with me? I love her and I said things to deliberately hurt her feelings. I'm a terrible person for that but it's not like she wasn't wrong either. She was being just as cruel as I was and this is where it got us. I lost a friend I was in love with probably forever. I'm sure she'll continue with the plan but once it's over and we're both with who we want, she won't ever speak to me again.

It's probably best that I go to her and apologize but she probably won't want to hear it. I feel bad for everything I said and I want her to know that but it doesn't take much for her to push someone away. She said herself she regrets us becoming friends and as much as I hate to say it, maybe I do too.  I do nothing but show concern for her and try to get to know her better but she always puts up these walls I can't bust through. If she just opened up a bit then maybe people will understand her but she'd rather be on her own even when there are people that care about her and want to help.

Well you know what, I'm done trying. I've done nothing but try to help and every time I thought I was getting closer, I was pushed further away and I'm sick of it. There's no point in helping someone that doesn't want it, even if you love them. After this is over, she won't have to worry about me caring about her anymore.

I hung out a little longer before deciding to leave and head home. My mum would have a cow if I missed dinner.

I walked down the trail and to my car, starting it to begin the long journey home. I turned the radio up loud to allow the music to drown out my thoughts. I didn't want to continue thinking about her and whether or not I'm making the right decision about forgetting about her and what we had; well what I wanted us to have. It's the best for both of us, we're toxic to each other.

I got home after a while and headed inside, the smell of dinner filling my nostrils and causing my mouth to salivate. I didn't realize how hungry I was until now.

I went to wash up and joined the rest of my family at the table. The good thing was I wasn't late; they were just beginning to fill their plates with food. I did the same and was soon beginning to eat the delicious food my mum prepared.

As I ate, I could feel their eyes on me and it's made me feel awkward. "What?" I asked.

"You came in here kind of unhappy and you haven't said two words. Are you okay?" My mum asked.

No.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded and went back to eating.

"So everything is okay with Avery?" She asked.