Faking It || l.r.h

32. Wishing We Could Start Again

*Brooke's POV*

After dinner, I helped my mother clean before going upstairs to try to start on my homework. I took out all of my materials and was ready to get started but I still had that incident nagging me at the back of my mind and I couldn't focus.

While I enjoyed kissing Luke, I felt bad for cheating on Ashton. My feelings for Luke are much stronger than the ones for Ash but that doesn't mean I can kiss him anytime I want. And then he's dating Avery and I consider us to be friends and I can't do that to her.

I know Luke and I have something real and it seems he feels the same way but we're committed to other people. Every time I look in Ashton's eyes, I see compassion and kindness. But when I look into Luke's eyes, I see love. Ashton is an amazing person and he deserves one hundred percent but I can't give that to him. Everything was fine in the beginning but as time passed and I saw Luke with someone else, I grew jealous. I know I'm the one the ended things between us but that didn't change how I felt about him. I was angry and upset at the time and I did something I hadn't thought through. Even with all the shit Luke put me through, that didn't change how I felt about him. I still get tingly whenever I look at him and he's constantly on my mind.

I picked up my phone to call Ashton. It's pretty clear what I have to do. It's the only thing that'll relieve my guilt and he'll hopefully find someone that'll give him all he deserves.

"Hello?" He asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Ash, hey. Can you come over? I really need to talk to you." I said.

"We're talking right now." He chuckled.

"No, I have to say this face to face and it can't wait. Can you please just hurry over?" I asked.

I heard him sigh. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Okay."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. This is the right move, I know it is. I just hope he sees that too.

I went downstairs to occupy myself as I waited for him to arrive. When I heard the doorbell ring, I jumped up out of my seat.

"I'll get it, nobody move." I said and rushed to the front door. I stopped in front of it to take a deep breath and calm myself down before opening it.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi." I breathed.

"So what did you want to talk about?" He asked as he tried to step inside.

I put my hand on his chest, stopping him. "Actually, lets talk out here."

"Okay." We stepped outside and I closed the door behind me. "What's up?"

"Well," I went and sat on the porch swing, patting the spot next to me so he'd sit, "I haven't been completely honest with you."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I...well...remember on my birthday when I told you Luke would be taking me out for dinner just as friends?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "what about it?"

I gulped before answering. "It started off as a nice night. We went to eat and then went to a park to skate around for a while, everything was going great until he brought me home. We were talking and I don't know what came over me and when he leaned in to kiss me, I kissed him back." By this time I was looking down at my bare feet, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

"You...kissed him?"

"I'm sorry." I sniffed. "I knew it was wrong but it felt right at the time. Ash...I still care about him and I know I sound like an idiot because he's with someone else but I felt bad for what I did and I had to tell you. You deserve someone that's willing to give you their all. I can't do that and I hope you understand." I finally rounded up enough courage to look him in the eye. "I really am sorry."