Faking It || l.r.h

43. Guilt

*Luke's POV*

How could I have been so stupid? I know how Ashton can be yet I let Avery get with him anyway. She was hurting and it was partially my fault when I could've stopped it.

And then I lied to her because I said he's probably changed when I know he never will. He's always been that type of guy and he's too stuck in his ways. What kind of friend am I? I lied to her but I had a good reason. She was so upset and I couldn't stand seeing her cry so I told her what I thought would be the right thing but I know it's gonna come back and bite me later on. I don't know if I should tell her the truth later or what but I've got to do something before she really gets hurt.

Am I doing this because I want her to be happy or because I want her to be with me? I love her and of course I want her to be happy, but am I being a little selfish? I could be totally wrong and Ashton really did change, although it seems highly unlikely. I know his type, I used to be the same way, and Avery isn't the girl that's gonna change him. I'm not saying she isn't amazing in every way, but they don't really connect and I can see him doing the same shit to her that he's done to plenty of other girls.

Brooke was the one that changed me because I felt a real connection and I knew I didn't want to be without her. But now that connection isn't as strong. Of course I still care for her but there's more that I want and only Avery gives that to me. My biggest regret is not being brave enough to take a chance and tell her how I feel.

I feel bad that I don't care about Brooke as much as she cares for me. Heck, she freaking loves me and I'm unable to love her back because I love Avery who is dating my best friend.

Avery's my friend and I shouldn't feel this way about her but I can't help it. When we were fake dating and I was forced to spend all that time with her, I got to know her and then fell in love. I never thought a guy like me could feel such strong feelings for another human being but she somehow got to me in a way Brooke never could. Whenever she would touch me or just simply smile at me, my heart would practically beat out of my chest and whenever she'd kiss me, I felt sparks. There was never a dull moment with her and once I began to realize my feelings, it didn't feel fake to me anymore. In my mind we were genuinely together but I couldn't let her know that so I suppressed my feelings and continued to act like I still wanted to be with Brooke when I would've rather been with her.

Yeah we had a few rough patches but everyone does. What mattered was that me made up and moved on. I could never stay mad at her for too long 'cause I missed being around her. No matter what happens between us, she always has me wanting to come back.

But here I am, the terrible friend who let her pursue a guy I know is wrong for her. I'm not saying I'm better but I care more about her than he ever will. She's incredibly special and doesn't deserve to have her heart broken by him. What worries me is how she'll react if I try to convince her to leave him. I couldn't stand the thought of her hating me.

And then there's Brooke, what do I do about her? I can't give her what she wants so it's best that I let her know as soon as possible, right? If I carry on with my lie too long it'll end up worse for me.

All of this is so stressful and confusing. I wish I could talk to someone about it but if I talk to the people involved in this mess then they'll figure out something's up and I'm pretty sure that conversation won't go well.

"Ugh." I groaned as I laid my head on the table. "Why the fuck does everything have to be so hard?" I questioned out loud.

"You're probably making it harder than it has to be." My mum said as she entered the dining room. "And watch your mouth."

"Sorry, mum." I mumbled.

"Now what's giving you such a hard time?" She asked, sitting down in the seat across from me.