Star Trek Imagines Book 2

Bones

Here's another imagine, I'm dedicating this one to my Mum cause it's her 46th Birthday today. Requests are open. Enjoy!!!

(P.S. in this story I mention abuse)

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When I was younger, my mum used to hit me...I didn't know why, in fact, I still don't know why...all I remember is that I'd always have to watch what I say or did to try and not set her off. At the time, I thought it was a normal mother daughter relationship...I thought it was normal to be hit so hard you could see her handprint where she'd just hit...it wasn't until I came to the Starfleet that I realised it wasn't normal...it wasn't supposed to happen, it made me horrified to think that for all my life I'd been lead to believe that beating a child was the right way to treat a child...that making a child so broken that they were to afraid to speak to anyone or do anything, was right, but that's what I had seen, that's what I lived...

As I got older, the beating stopped, my mum even apologised...but that didn't help...because sorry doesn't take away the memories, sorry doesn't give me back my childhood, sorry doesn't cure my anxiety...but that was all she could do, because she knew she couldn't turn back time...

Although I forgave her, I still thought about what she did to me, how she broke me...it made me sick to think that the woman who was supposed to love and care for me could beat me without batting an eyelid, as if it was no big deal...

I must admit, although I wish I never had to experience such pain, in a weird way I am, because I can learn from my mum's mistakes...I never want my child to ever feel the pain I felt...so in a twisted way, I'm thankful that my mum was such a cruel person. But at the same time, I was concerned...my mum to outsiders looked like a normal mum...she could put on an oscar winning performance...and that's what worried me, because I was her daughter...did that mean that I could one day be her??? One minute fine and the next minute I snap??? The thought that I'd ever harm a child scared me to the point I was almost never wanting to have kids, but then something changed that, well, someone changed that...

I met Bones at the Academy and since then we'd always been together...when we joined the enterprise crew, he asked me to be his girlfriend...eventually we ended up married and somehow we had our first child on the way, when I realised I was pregnant I ended up having a panic attack...my nightmare was coming true...I was going to be a mum and I was imagining myself turning into the monster that raise me...

Bones knew everything about my past and understood why I was so scared but he didn't tell me to get over it or to stop being a baby...he help me, he showed me that I wasn't a monster, and that I'd never hurt anyone...I eventually came to terms with the idea of a baby but only if Bones promised that if I did become my mother, he'd take the child away...it sounded harsh but I needed to know that no matter what, my child would be safe, even if that meant away from me...he reluctantly agreed as long as I'd stop putting myself down...and so now, I am still waiting for the baby to be born, but I'm not scared anymore because I know that I'll never be like my mum, because I choose not to be...I will give my child the childhood I wish I had...

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I know this seems like a weird topic to dedicate to my Mum on her birthday, but I just couldn't bring myself to write a story about a loving caring mother, because I don't know what that's like, you may not care and I'm not looking for sympathy but this story was basically me sharing my life and fears...I didn't write this for attention, I just want to let you know that I can relate to anyone who has been abused physically or mentally by someone who was supposed to care about them, I want you to know that if you have ever or are experiencing abuse and need anyone to talk to, I'm always here for you...Hope you enjoyed it.

Requests Open.

~Clo X