This is dedicated to herwriteNESS as she gave me long needed inspiration.
Pearl: *sitting in her room looking at pictures of Orlando Bloom on her computer* gosh...he is so hot.
Pearl: *drools as she comes across an exceptionally hot photo* I can't believe he actually fell for me
Pearl: *wipes sweat from brow* Man these pictures are affecting the temperature of my room! JUST HOW HOT IS ORLI???? *smirks as I look at my thermometer* Well, looks like I will just have to find out! *grabs thermometer off of the wall and heads out the door*
---------------------
On the set
Director: SHOOT!!!
Orlando: They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!
Pearl: I wonder how hot it is in Isengard....
Orlando: *sighs* Pearl, you had been doing so well.
Director: CUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!! DANG IT PEARL!!!!!!!
Pearl: I'm sorry, I just think it is a very reasonable question!
Orlando: -___-
Director: ...........can this day get any worse?
Johnny: *saunters in* 'Ello, mates! I finished the rum, if anyone was wondering!
Director: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU?!?!??!??!
Johnny: Sorry, not sorry. *strokes his dirt affectionately* But I didn't drink all of it, you see...Georgie wanted some as well.
Orlando: 0.0
Director: YOU WASTED THE RUM ON THAT....JAR OF DIRT!!!!
Johnny: Yes, and a lovely jar of dirt she is.
Orlando:....find me a cliff....
Pearl: You'll survive
Orlando: -_-
Director: I hate....I hate...
Johnny: DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! *shelters Georgie's "ears"*
Director: YOU!
Johnny: *surprised by his answer and uncovers Georgie's "ears"* Me?
Director: YES!
Johnny: Well, I'm used to that.
Silence
Pearl: Johnny, do you know how hot it is in Isengard?
Orlando: *facepalms*
Johnny: Well, I dunno...do you have a thermometer?
Pearl: Why yes! *pulls it out*
Orlando:....why the Frodo are you carrying a thermometer....?
Elijah: DID SOMEONE CALL ME?!?!?!
Orlando: -_-
Johnny: -_-
Pearl: -_-
Elijah: ...........*leaves*
Pearl: Well, I keep it for things like this! Finding the temperature of places, things...*grins evilly* people
Orlando: *inches away*
Pearl: *inches towards him*
Orlando: This was never about Isengard...was it
Pearl:.....nope
Orlando:.........
Pearl: Ya see, I was sitting in my room yesterday, looking at pictures of you....
Orlando: HOLD UP!
Pearl: what?
Orlando: Whyyyyyyy?????
Pearl: Because you are hot.
Johnny: I'm hot too! Why weren't you looking up pictures of me???
Pearl: .................anyway, I was wondering just how hot you were, Orli! Sooo I brought my thermometer to see.
Orlando: ..............I bet you that I am around 98 degrees Fahrenheit. LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN!
Pearl: I dunno, fam....you are PRETTY hot. I mean, I'm surprised you don't steam.
Orlando: *breathes heavily*
Johnny: Can I see your thermometer?
Pearl: No...I'm saving it for Orli
Johnny: ....but I wanna see how hot Georgie is....
Pearl: *ignores him* Open up, Orlando
Orlando: I hate you
Pearl: You said you loved me yesterday.
Orlando: I hate you right now
Pearl: It will go quicker if you cooperate.
Orlando: I still hate you
Pearl: OPEN UP YO MOUTH, SON!
Orlando: *glares at her but does so*
Pearl: *sticks the thermometer in his mouth* NOW SHUT!
Orlando: *glares at her as he clamps his mouth shut over the thermometer*
Silence
Johnny: How long does this take?
Pearl: Depends on how hot the subject is.
Orlando: *mumbles*
Pearl: NO TALKING
Orlando: -_-
*one minute later the thermometer breaks in half*
Orlando: o.o *spits it out* GAAAHHHHH THAT TASTES AWFUL!!!!
Pearl: WOAH!!! YOU ARE SO HOT YOU BROKE THE THERMOMETER!!! MY HYPOTHESIS WAS CORRECT
Orlando: *spitting up some of the liquid that was in the thermometer*
Johnny: Uh, lass....that wasn't a mercury thermometer...was it?
Orlando: O.O
Pearl:...........
Orlando: PEARL?!?!?!
Pearl: EVACUATE!!! EVACUATE!!!!!!! IM CALLIN THE AMBULANCE FOR YOU ORLI!!!
Orlando: I'M GONNA DIEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Johnny: .........y'all are so stupid.
Pearl: *dials police* AMBULANCE!!! MERCURY!!!! HALPPP!!!! *hangs up* DO YOU STILL LOVE ME ORLANDO!
Orlando: I CANT LOVE YOU IF IM DEAD!
Johnny: ummm.....*redials the police* Yes, hello. We need assistance. You see, my fellow.........association...called you and asked you for an ambulance (however it sounded like she wanted the ambulance on the planet Mercury). What she actually wants is an ambulance because of the deadly chemical mercury. ...yes........yes. Okay, thank you. *hangs up*
Pearl: *patting Orlando's back* SPIT IT UP!!! SPIT IT UP!!!
Orlando: I DID!!! I DID!!!! IT IS STILL ON MY TONGUEEEEEE THOUGGHHHHHH!!!
Johnny: *pulls out a bottle from his pocket* Wash it out with the rum!!!!!
Orlando: *takes it and nearly vomits when he puts it in his mouth* THAT ISN'T RUM!!!
Johnny: .......oh...crapp....I think that was the liquid plant fertilizer.
Orlando: THAT IS IT!! IM REALLY GOING TO DIE!!!!!
YOU ARE READING
If I Ever Acted With Orlando Bloom
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] Do you think that you are crazier than i am? I beg to differ. This is what would happen if i ever acted with Orlando Bloom. Well,maybe this is a bit overboard.....just a LITTLE! And the Amazing cover for this is made by WillTreatyRA. She...
