Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

Restaurant

"So what do you say about us going to eat out tonight?"

That sounds awful. What do you say we eat nothing and just go to sleep?

That's what I wanted to say. Too bad it came out as "Sounds fine."

So next thing I knew we were at some stupid restaurant and the waiter was taking my order.

"I'll have a diet coke and um the chicken."

Demi ordered too, I don't know what she ordered, I was too lost in my thoughts.

We continued with the awkward small talk until the food was brought out to us.

Just the sight of the huge piece of chicken on the plate, next to mashed potatoes and peas made my heart race. I felt nauseated at the sight of the food, knowing I would have to eat it.

I felt dizzy and disoriented. I didn't feel like I was present anymore.

I heard Demi calling my name but I couldn't reply. I got up and made my way to the bathroom, I felt like I was floating.

In the bathroom my senses calmed down and I was able to focus- Until Demi ran in.

"Cece! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine I'll be out in a second."

"No I'll wait."

Nobody had ever waited for me like that. I dug my nails into my skin in a desperate attempt to feel "real" again. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt like I was non-existent, detached from myself. It happened often and the only way to bring myself out of it is to harm myself.

I tried to calm down more as I exited the restroom. Demi looked at me. I could see in her eyes the sympathy she had more for, the worry, concern and love. She grabbed my hand and let me to the table.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy."

"You really scared me. I think we should go home. We can eat there." She left money on the table and we walked out.

Nobody had ever cared about me that much.

When we got home I tried to go to my room.

"Where are you going? We still need to eat. I think I have some leftover salad and macaroni."

Great. Now we can have another macaroni incident.

We sat down with bowls of food and Demi dug in. I picked my fork up.

I felt like I forgot how to eat. Like I literally can't eat anymore. I don't know how or when it got this bad. But it did and now I'm lost.

I brought the food to my lips and chewed. I chewed until my food was a pulp and swallowed. Demi had finished half of her food. My hand shaking, I took another bite. I felt like screaming but I managed a small smile at Demi.

"Do you not like macaroni? I can give you something else sweetie."

"N-n-no. It's okay."

Crap my voice cracked.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

I rushed into the bathroom and purged the little I had eaten. I didn't care if Demi heard, I needed to get rid of it. After I flushed I tried to make my eyes look okay and I washed my hands.

I unlocked the door to a concerned Demi.

"Are you okay? I heard gagging."

"I'm fine I just haven't felt very good all day. Must have been lunch."

"Cece... I know you're not fine. You don't have to do this with me."

That totally struck my heart.

"Demi I'm fine."

"You can tell me anything sweetie. Your eyes tell me you are not fine."

"Demi stop."

I was about to lose it.

I turned and tried to run into my room but Demi caught me. She wrapped me into a hug.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I burst into tears, not the few teardrops soft cry, but the whole "I forgot how to breathe" kind.

Demi carried me onto the couch and just held me while I cried.

To be honest I don't think I've really cried in years.

"Demi please let me go please. I need to go." I was hysterical.

She lay me down on the couch and sat next to me.

"I'm here. Look at me. Look into my eyes. You are okay."

I tried to squirm away but she just kept repeating it.

When I finally looked at her I felt calm again. We breathed together for a few minutes and I felt- better. But also embarrassed.

I quickly sat up.

"Sorry Demi."

"No don't be sorry. But is there something you need to tell me?"

"I wish I could. I'm not allowed though."

"Baby who isn't allowing you?"

"Me."

"Would it be easier if I tell you what I think?"

"I... I guess..."

"You have an eating disorder."

My face went pale. I think the look on my face told her she was right.

"No Shh it's okay. It's okay. Look I can help you. We can do this together."

"No no no." I was crying again. My demons were taking over.

"Demi please. Please help me. I can't do this anymore."

"Baby I promise." She rubbed my back and put my head on her chest.