Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

Don't Forget

"Girls? Do you want to go swimming?" Demi poked her head into the twins' room. Kenna and I were playing dolls and Kenzie was enlightening us with a few songs she had written.

"Mommy! First listen to my song!" Kenzie jumped up and down and picked her pink play microphone up.

"We're gonna be pretty sparkly princesses, tiaras and dresses, diamonds and high heels, jumping over a rainbow! Pretty sparkly princesses dancing in a limo, riding our unicorns and petting our pink kitties! Yeah!" She stuck her hands up in the air, allowing her microphone to fly to the floor.

"That was beautiful sweetie!" Demi applauded. "Why don't you girls get your swimsuits on?"

Mentally I was exhausted. It had been a hard morning finding out the news about Tyler's "brother". Then playing with the girls and having to smile and fake everything. I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. Putting a bathing suit on has always brought out the worst in my eating disorder thoughts. The last thing I need right now is to be triggered by seeing my weight gain. Which I know is there, but I have no proof because Demi has zero scales in the house.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap."

I tried to go into my room but Demi blocked me.

"Hey not so fast. What's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm tired and I want to sleep." I slammed the door in Demi's face before collapsing onto my bed.

I felt bad because I knew I probably hurt Demi. But I was just so angry at everything. I couldn't contain it. I felt like I was going to burst.

"Sweetie please talk to me." Demi barged into my room.

"You can't just walk into my room! You have to knock first! A closed door means you are not welcome!" I screamed.

"What's going on? This isn't like you." Demi looked at me. Her eyes were watering.

"This is who I am. I'm tired and I want to sleep. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I yelled, before I let out a piercing scream.

"Cece I'm disappointed in you." Demi closed my door and finally left me alone.

I lay on my bed and hugged a pillow. I felt paralyzed. I wanted to get up and find something- anything to cut with. My demons were roaring.

I gripped onto my sheets and held back the urge to scream. My entire body was shaking and I threw my head back in pain, as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I clenched my teeth waiting for the urge to pass.

This is what cutting can do to you. It's not physical pain, it's mental pain. But let me tell you, it all hurts the same.

I lay in silence for awhile. I feared getting up because I didn't want to be drawn to finding something to cut with. When I started feeling better the urge would just come back again and again.

"Cece, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have barged in. You aren't a disappointment. I love you and you do deserve privacy after all. Can I come in? I want to hug you." Demi knocked.

"Yes."

Demi rushed into my room and bent down next to me. She gripped onto me and hugged me. When she finished she wiped my tears away.

"I love you so much. I just want to protect you. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am now." I smiled and tried to choke back the tears. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's okay baby." She patted my back. "You didn't cut did you? Or throw up?" She looked a little panicked.

"No." I shuddered at how blunt she was.

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you."

"Cece are you sure nothing else is bothering you?"

"Yeah I'm fine really."

"You're just so quiet..."

"I'm really just exhausted." I interrupted. "If you must know the details it was extremely hard not cutting today."

"I know baby. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Next time just do anything to get my attention."

"Thanks Demi." I smiled.

"So I was wondering, Mackenzie has a call back audition for a new disney series. Do you want to go or stay home with Kenna? It's up to you."

"I'll stay home with Kenna."

"Good. She'll be very excited."

I wanted to snap a snarky comment at Demi about letting her 5 year old audition for a disney show, after what she went through. But I simply wasn't in the mood.

"Well I'm going to go now. Call me if you have any problems. Or call 911. I think you're old enough to know who you should call..."

"Demi we'll be fine." I laughed.

"Okay okay I'm going now. I'll send Kenna up."

I pried myself from the bed and went into the bathroom to wipe my face off. I heard Kenna run up the stairs and slam her door.

"Kenna?"

No reply. I took that as a sign to barge in. Kenna was lying on her bed crying. At the sight of me she put her head into her pillow.

"Go away Cece. I don't feel like seeing you."

Her words stung, even though I knew she didn't mean it.

It reminded me of earlier. It reminded me of... me. Me with Demi.

"I know you don't mean it. I care about you too much to go away."

She ignored me. I walked over to her and picked her up from the sobbing ball she had formed. I sat her next to me and she stopped crying.

"Did you forget that besties don't keep secrets?"

She smiled. "Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget everything we ever had?"

"Did you forget, did you forget, about me?" I joined in.

By the end of the song we were jumping around laughing hysterically.

"I'll never forget this Cece." She laughed

"Okay but now seriously, why were you crying?"

"Mackenzie."

I sighed. "Really? What did she do this time?"

"Nothing she did... it's just..."

"What? Tell me. It's okay."

"I just wish I could be going to auditions too."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I can't sing or act and I'm ugly."

"What do you mean?! Kenna you are beautiful. You're an amazing singer. That's not true at all!"

"Kenzie told me that."

"Kenzie's wrong. She's so wrong."

"Okay." She shrugged.

"You don't believe me do you?"

"Yes I do."

"I'll make you believe it. So do you think Kenzie has a shot at this?"

"Yeah. There's only 2 other people they called back besides her. She's confident and outgoing. She can really act. And she's pretty."

"Okay who'd you hear say that?"

"Mommy." She rolled her eyes. "If she gets this role everything's gonna change."

"It'll be okay Kenna."

"I don't know about that."