Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

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A crack of light shone through my door, as I opened my exhausted eyes. Kenna snuggled into me. Rubbing my eyes I focused on the figure at the door.

"Demi?" I groaned.

"Shhh don't wake her." She whispered. "I wanna talk to you."

I was worried what she might say. I was doing well in my recovery, or so she thought, and at any moment she could be moving to LA. It was likely time for me to go home. My adrenaline pushed me up and I followed Demi into the living room. My heart pounded as she spoke.

"I just want you to know that I've arranged an appointment with a family therapist for me and the girls. We'll also get separate sessions. I don't want you to worry about Kenna anymore, just know she's getting help."

"That's great." I gritted through my teeth. It hurt that she didn't ask me if I wanted to participate.

"I've also been wanting to talk to you about your relationship with Kenna." Demi squinted her eyes and grimaced. "I think it's healthier for the both of you if she sleeps in her own bed."

I couldn't imagine sleeping alone. Nighttime is so hard for me, the only thing keeping me from relapsing was Kenna next to me.

"You've been doing well in your recovery. And Kenna really needs to bond with Kenzie." She continued.

"That's... That's fine." I clenched my teeth, afraid of blowing up. I could feel my anger intensifying.

"That being said, I'm going to allow you to be alone after mealtimes and go on outings by yourself. I believe in you and your recovery and it's time to challenge yourself."

More privacy was the last thing I needed. I was on the verge of relapsing as it was. Did Demi really believe in me, or was she too focused on the twins to care?

"That's great." I lied.

"I'm so proud of you." She hugged me and then studied my face. "You seem sad. Are you okay?"

"Demi I woke up like fifteen minutes ago. I'm tired."

"Okay baby girl. I love you." She smiled and pushed my hair out of my eyes. "I'm gonna go wake the twins up. I want to take them to the zoo. I'm trying to encourage them to bond."

I knew then that I wasn't invited. I got the message. I was coming between her happy family.

"I'm going back to bed." I stated. "Can I sleep in your room?" I didn't want to see Kenna. I couldn't take the fact that Demi was trying to split us apart.

"Of course! Sleep tight!"

I lay in Demi's bed listening to the sounds of the twins' little voices talking about the animals they hoped to see. They enjoyed a pancake breakfast before walking out the door. Kenna didn't mention me.

Demi hadn't asked me to eat with them. She hadn't bothered to make me a plate. That's okay, I wasn't hungry.

My stomach growled reminding me I was hungry. I was starving.

The hunger pains felt good. They felt warm and inviting. Even though everyone had left me I always had them to fall back on.

My voice of reason fought with my voice of the eating disorder.

I was reminded why I couldn't let myself get hungry. Hunger was a reminder of how good starving felt. I felt powerful and exhilarated.

I got up and showered. Being alone reminded me of how I used to cut every morning. My wrists itched for the blade. I leapt out of the shower and threw clothes on, trying to distract myself.

I did sit-ups, and push-ups, I ran on the treadmill and ran up and down the stairs. My demons raged on at me, yelling at me to lose the weight I'd gained. I didn't have a scale to tell me I'd gained. But I knew.

Before long Demi and the twins came back.

"Hey Cece. Want to join us for lunch? We brought pizza." Demi held a box up.

"Sure." I muttered. "How was the zoo?"

"It was amazing! We saw tigers and elephants and bears and giraffes!" Kenzie leapt up and down, a stuffed lion in her hand. "We got matching lion sisters! Right Kenna?"

I glanced over at Kenna. She looked nervous- more nervous than usual. Something was up. How could Kenzie suddenly be so nice? Was it an act? She couldn't be forcing Kenna to go along with it? Could she?

When I played with Kenzie last night she was nice. She has an attitude and a lot of sass but that's her. I didn't see her mean side, I saw her for what she was- a kid. But that doesn't mean I forgive her. That doesn't mean I believe her either. Is it unrealistic to think that she could be hiding her mean side? Deceiving us all? Demi thought it was.

"Yeah we did." Kenna smiled. "Mine's named Cece. 'Cause you're really strong, like a lion!"

"Thank you Kenna!" I smiled.

We dug into the pizza. I served myself two slices but immediately regretted it. It was greasy and fattening. All of the things I'd read on pro eating disorder websites echoed through my mind. I managed to choke the "poison" down in an effort to not upset Kenna. I still finished last but that was what we were all used to now.

"Demi can I go to the park?" I asked sweetly. Except I didn't really want to go to the park. My demons wanted me to go to the park. It was almost like they were brainwashing me.

"Um, you know I really want to give you more freedom. So yes. You can go. But bring your phone and be back in two hours. Don't do anything you'll regret. I know you won't." Demi sounded concerned.

"Thanks bye!" I yelled, as I jumped out of the chair and slammed the front door behind me.

My demons carried me to the abandoned house I'd found when I first moved in with Demi.

The empty bottles and remnants of cigarettes still lay on the ground.

What was I doing here? What if someone found me?

WHAT AM I THINKING?

I desperately wished I were at home with Demi and Kenna. I wished I hadn't allowed myself to skip breakfast. I broke Demi's trust. I was a failure. And now I was a fat failure, one who managed to screw Demi's life up too.

*May Be Triggering (or at least it triggered me)*

I picked a piece of broken glass up as my wrists tingled and my heart ached.

I traced my old scars before my hand jolted. Before I knew it I was slashing at my wrists. And it felt amazing.

Watching the blood trickle down pleased me. I was still sick. I still needed Demi.

Feeling content with myself, my fingers went to my throat. I leaned over into the grass and purged.

*Trigger Warning Over*

After a few minutes of empowerment, it struck me what I had done.

And I felt absolutely awful.

My thoughts were interrupted by a phone call. Groaning, I checked who it was. It was my mom.

I was too worthless to talk to her. I was a disappointment to her.

When she called right back I decided I should answer.

"Cece? Where are you? I need to pick you up." My mom was frantic.

"Wait why?" I was worried. She sounded awful and I could hear sobbing in the background. My dad doesn't cry for just anything. "What's wrong?"

"Something happened." The chilling words echoed through my mind.