Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

Beautiful

Sitting on that couch, next to Demi, listening to my demons screeching at me, and not being able to do anything to silence them... Personally, I think that is what hell must be like.

I wanted to purge. I felt like a bloated, disgusting whale, and as each minute ticked by, the feelings of desperation grew.

The only thing holding me together was that I was going to find something sharp, and I was going to cut, as soon as possible. Demi doesn't know about my self harm. At least I don't think she does.

Part of me wanted to cry right there, and have Demi comfort me. I know she would. But the other part told me to tough it out. Crying is weakness. And having someone comfort me? Talk about embarrassing.

My teeth began chattering and my headache got worse. I tried to look normal, and act natural. If Demi even looks at me I may break down.

After what felt like hours Demi finally turned to me and spoke.

"Are you up for coming with me to put the girls to bed?"

"Sure." Hell no I'm not up for that. But what else am I supposed to say?

We went up the stairs into their room. Kenzie and Kenna were playing with baby dolls. They looked adorable in their matching polka dot pajamas.

"It's time for bed girls. Say your good nights, and hop into bed."

"I don't wanna go to bed! Can't we stay up and play with Cece?" Mackenzie whined.

"Cece is going to bed soon too. We have a busy day tomorrow." Demi hugged both of her girls.

"Fine." Mackenzie groaned.

"Goodnight mommy." McKenna whispered. "Goodnight Cece."

Mackenzie climbed into bed and Demi tucked her in.

I helped Kenna into bed and Demi came over and began tucking her in.

"No mommy. I want Cece to do it."

Demi smiled at me, her eyes filling with tears. "Go ahead Cece."

I hugged Kenna goodnight and followed Demi out the door.

"She's so attached to you."

I knew Demi was right, and I was just as attached to her as she was to me.

"I know." I smiled at Demi. I actually smiled at her.

She hugged me, but I couldn't make myself hug her back.

"Why don't you get to bed now? You look exhausted. And plus, it's been 2 hours."

"Yeah I think I will."

I closed the door to my room and jumped into bed, not even changing. Tears poured out of my eyes as I clutched my pillow. I dug my nails into my skin as hard as I could, barely drawing blood.

I heard my door open so I rolled over and pretended to be asleep.

"I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. I love you. If you need me don't hesitate to come to me, because I'm gonna be there for you. I'll be in my room. Goodnight." She walked towards me and kissed my head, before leaving again and turning the light off.

Alone in the darkness I was once again miserable. Not to throw myself a pity party or anything, but I'll bring the confetti.

"Cece?" I heard a little voice from outside my door. "Shh I'm coming in kay?"

McKenna stood in the doorway. She shut the door quietly and walked over to my bed.

I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

I sat up.

"Are you okay? I heard crying."

Damn. Was I really that loud?

"Yeah I'm fine. Why are you still awake?"

"Can't sleep. Can I sleep with you?"

"Of course!" I let her into my bed and she cuddled into me.

"Why were you crying?"

"Oh no reason."

"Come on tell me!"

She put her arms around me.

"I love you. Aren't we best friends?"

"Sure." I smiled. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

"Well best friends tell each other secrets. So why were you crying? Because Demi made you eat?"

"Kenna don't worry about it. I'm okay, I promise."

"I love you. Ya know, you're really really pretty."

"Thank you. You're beautiful too."

"Thank you."

"Well I'm going to sleep now goodnight Kenna. I love you bestie!"

"Ooh can we have a sleepover another night? Where we stay up all night!"

"Sure."

"Okay. Goodnight!"

Kenna was really wise for a 5 year old. She's incredible. She's special.

After she snuggled into me, I fell asleep.