Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

Found

"SHE LEFT!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE LEFT!?" Demi sounded furious. She sounded more angry that McKenna would leave than she did concerned.

"She got her suitcase from over there and said she was moving." Mackenzie sounded so matter of fact and unconcerned. I could have choked her.

"AND YOU LET HER?"

It ticked me off (to say the absolute least) that instead of looking for her missing child she sat there and played games with Mackenzie.

Snapping out of my shock and anger, I ran out of my room and out of the front door frantically looking up and down the streets for my baby girl Kenna.

"DEMI DEMI PLEASE HELP ME!" I yelled into the house. My teeth were chattering.

I took off running down the block hoping she would be around the corner.

When she wasn't I turned the other way and ran. I felt completely hopeless. I lost her.

"Cece!" Demi came waltzing up behind me.

"DEMI WE NEED TO FIND HER! HURRY UP!"

"Relax. I found her. She's hiding under my car."

"What?"

"She's under my car. Can you come talk to her?"

"Demi! You're her mother! Why can't you go talk to her? You don't even know her!"

I was disgusted by Demi. As much as I ... love ... her, she's not dealing with McKenna's issues. She doesn't even know about them.

"Cece. Of course I know her. But I don't know how to deal with this. She's always been so well behaved. I'm used to Mackenzie misbehaving. But even when she misbehaves it's more like kid stuff. Running away is serious."

"Oh yeah Demi, hiding under a car is serious shit. She'll be robbing a bank tomorrow."

Demi smiled. "Just talk to her please. She loves you."

"I'd love to. But it would also be nice for her mother to talk to her too. She loves you too. For now."

I walked back to Demi's house and peered under the car.

"Kenna?"

No reply.

"C'mon bestie I see you under there."

Still no reply.

"Look, I have my bracelet on. And I'd like to come up with a secret bestie handshake we can do whenever we both wear our bracelets. Do you have yours on?"

Suddenly McKenna appeared out from under the car.

"There's my beautiful Kenna." I hugged her. Her hair was sticking up wildly so I tried to pat it down.

"I do have my bracelet on." She smiled.

Her smile was adorable, and she had Demi's eyes. In the way that with one look you can see the depth and the kindness. But I also saw something else- Pain. I pushed the thoughts away to try and cheer up McKenna.

We must have spent the next hour outside together. At first we came up with a secret handshake. Then we just lay on our backs and stared at the sky. The sun was setting and it was perfect.

Finally I decided I did need to speak to McKenna.

"Bestie? Can I ask you something."

"Anything bestie."

"Why'd you run away?"

"Demi made me mad."

"I'm sure a lot of people make you mad. But you've never run away. And hey she's your mom."

"Not anymore. Demi doesn't understand me." She emphasized the "Demi".

As amusing as it was that a 5 year old was claiming her mother "didn't understand her" it worried me.

"Maybe you should talk to her? Tell her what you tell me?"

"No. I don't like her."

I sighed.

"McKenna... I've never seen you so angry. What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Stop bugging me! Worry about yourself!"

"Calm down... We're besties remember?"

I didn't lose my cool with her. I know anger masks true feelings. I've been there. I've been trapped by my anger.

"I just don't wanna talk."

"It's okay."

I rolled over and hugged her. She snuggled into my side.

"Cece... is it bad that I want to die?"

Everything stopped in that moment. Everything felt weak. I pushed myself to sit up.

"McKenna... Why would you want to die?" To say I was horrified is an understatement.

"I don't know. Everything just feels bad."

And then I did what everyone always does.

"Baby I'd miss you."

"I know that's why I shouldn't be besties with you."

"You're not happy... are you?"

I felt like I was being shot with the horrible realization. The reason she understood me and knew what to do- is it possible she felt the same way?

"I don't know."

My mind was spinning. She's five. What do I do? What do I say?

"Tomorrow... we're going to Disney World. I promise you'll be happy then. Hang on until then for me."

"Really?" She looked excited. "Will I meet Peter Pan?"

"Of course. I love you." I hugged her.

"I love you too." She smiled and I could see the pain lessen in her eyes. It was replaced with excitement.

"Can we go make up with your m- I mean Demi?"

"It's okay. She's my mommy again. Yeah let's go!"

Happy, sweet McKenna was back.

We went inside to find Demi.

"Mommy?" McKenna called.

"Baby!" Demi came running in looking pleased to have her little girl back.

"Mommy I'm sorry I got mad at you. I love you." She went up to Demi and hugged her.

"Baby girl I love you so much. You scared me. Don't do that ever again okay? Don't leave me like that."

"I love you too Mommy." I noticed she didn't say okay.. though Demi didn't.

"I'm sorry I upset you. Now let's get you girls to bed." She looked at me.

I got ready for bed. When I got to the bathroom it hit me. I hadn't purged.

I was... proud? of myself. If that's possible.

I got into bed. I felt at peace with myself but terrified for McKenna. Demi had to know. But it'll have to wait until after Disney. I don't want to ruin our trip.

"KENNA?" I yelled.

"WHAT?" She yelled back.

"IM LONELY." I heard her laugh.

"IM COMING!"

"KENNA SHUT UP. IM GETTING BEAUTY SLEEP HERE!" Kenzie whined- loudly.

"Sorry." Kenna whispered.

I heard her little footsteps as she catapulted into my bed.

"Goodnight bestie."

"Goodnight bestie."

--------------------------------------------