Gentleman (Jonathan Toews)

All Over Again

Jonathan

After spending a few days in the hospital trying to get Payton's memory back they send us home. Nothing they did was working so they figured time was the best solution.

They tried to access the part of her memory that was damaged. The part that had things from the past year of her life. But nothing ever worked, sometimes it just made things worse and that's why they had to stop.

After a long four days I drive up to our apartment in the heart of the city. I help her out the car like I always should and she looks up.

"I live here" she gasps and I smile.

This isn't all that bad. I love watching her learn about herself and being super proud of the things she's done, it's super cute.

"Yeah. You live on the 34rd floor" I explain.

"I get it, because I'm named after Walter Payton" she concludes.

"I'm actually not sure if that's why but that makes sense" I admit.

I go to grab her hand but she moves it away. I keep forgetting that she had no clue who I am. I keep telling her these things but she's scared. She doesn't believe she would have fallen in love again, all she remembers is the pain of the last relationship.

I lead her into the building and unlock the door. I let her in and her eye go wide.

"Woah, this place is so cool. Nice to know I saved up enough money to live here" she admits.

"It's the nicest apartment in the city" I admit.

"Is that a basketball hoop" she asks.

"Yeah, your brothers put it there" I tell her.

"Of course they did. Always finding a way to challenge me to something" she scoffs.

She walks in more and stops at the huge canvas of us on the wall. She stands under it and smiles big.

"Is that us" she asks.

"Yeah, That was the night I gave you that ring" I say pointing to her hand. She looks at it then back to the picture where you can see me putting the ring on her.

"This is so beautiful. But I'm surprised I got on the ice considering how terrified I am of it" she admits.

"I never let you go. I had you the whole time" I explain. She turns to me with a big smile and it makes my heart skip. It reminds me of when we first started dating and getting to know each other. It's like we get to fall in love all over again.

"Did you do this" she asks pointing to the canvas.

"I did. It was your birthday present from earlier this month" I explain.

"That's so sweet" she smiles.

"We had it pretty good" I admit.

"Then what happened" she asks.

"What do you mean" I wonder.

"When I woke up you asked if I was mad at you. Why would I be mad at you" she asks.

I freeze in my spot as she stares straight through me. I feel the tears return as my hand starts to shake.

"We kinda got in a fight" I start.

"Really? I don't fight" she remembers.

"Well it was more of me than you, but you stood up for yourself like you're supposed to. I... I wasn't thinking straight" I try to explain.

"Were you drunk" she asks.

"Worse... I was angry" I say and it falls silent.

"Anger isn't a good-" she starts.

"I know. I know anger is something I should never carry. I know I shouldn't keep things in because I will eventually explode. I know that you just want to help and I didn't let you. I told you I didn't want you around, I told you that you were the problem and you didn't believe me. You knew I didn't mean it. But I kept talking, saying things I shouldn't have said and I pushed you. Physically and mentally I pushed you away and eventually out that door. You got in the car very upset. I've never seen you sad or mad and I wasn't sure what you were feeling but it wasn't good. For the first time I made you cry and I hated it. I watched you pull out. I watched you leave. Then I watched that car crash into you. I.... I'm so sorry" I sigh.

"When there is anger there is pain underneath. Something was hurting you, something you had no control over and that's why it hurt so bad. But anger is no way of fixing those things. Anger does only three things; it solves nothing, fixes nothing, and destroys everything. And I hope whatever you were angry about was worth it" she says softly.

"It wasn't. Nothing is worth losing what we had. Not hockey or who I am or what happened to me. None of it. I need you in the worst ways and now I can't have you because I was feeling sorry for myself and took it out on you" I sniffle.

"Please don't cry" she says stepping closer to me.

"I'm sorry. It's just hard to see you and know I took away a good year of your life. A great year" I shake my head. She grabs my face so I was looking at her and I sigh. I know it's her but I know it's not that easy. I know that's what's left of her after I broke her and I hate myself for that.

"I'm not sure what we were, but I can feel how much you mean to me. I know that you're upset about what happened, but everything happens for a reason. It sucks this happened but hey, we get to fall in love all over again" she smiles.

"Do you seriously ever say anything bad" I ask.

"Why would I want to do that" she asks and I couldn't help but laugh. She has to be messing with me. "What's so funny" she asks.

"That the you I've known since I met you is gone but the beautiful thing is that's still the same you you've always been. It's nice to see that you hadn't changed because of me or who I am. You've always been you" I smile.

"Wait, what do you mean because of who you are" she asks.

"I... I am the captain of the Chicago Blackhawks" I explain.

"I thought you looked familiar! I love watching you play, just don't remember you without fancy pads and a helmet" she admits.

"Sorry to disappoint" I tease.

"I think you're super cute. I love the long hair and deep brown eyes. Those rosey cheek bones and sharp jaw line" she claims touching my face as she talks about it. "What was I talking about again" she asks shaking her head of her thoughts.

"It's not important. Do you want me to show you around" I ask.

"Yeah" she nods.

She of course loves the kitchen and the open space. I show her our room and her office. I flip on the lights and she smiles at the calendars with pictures on them.

"I still do this" she smiles.

"Yeah, you never miss a day. Well you've missed five days but that's not the point" I shrug.

"Woah. Look at us" she smiles. She gets real close and studies the picture from the first day we met. It was of me outside of Giordanos smiling down at her.

"Is this from when we met" she asks.

"Yelp" I smile.

"How did it happen" she asks.

"It was your first day working with the Hawks. I went in to get my pictures taken and you told me to take my clothes off" I laugh remembering that day.

"I didnt" she gasps.

"You did. You stuck with it too. Then you assured me that it was a technique to get me to loosen up. We got to talking and I realized that you weren't like any girl... anyone... I have ever met before. I was so nervous" I admit.

"Sounds crazy" she giggles.

"It was something" I admit.

"Well Jonathan... I cannot wait to fall in love with you again" she smiles.