Bone of Contention (Underswap Papyrus X Reader)

Chapter 24: "Cigarettes and Honey"

[Papyrus' POV]

I held my hand on my chest as I peered outside of the window of my room. With every car that passed, my breaths hitched. I'm waiting for Toriel's familiar dark blue van to pull up in front of the house. And well, I want (Y\N) to be in the van with Toriel and Chara. But after all the shit she's been through recently, I'm not sure if she can make it tonight.

I wish that she would've told me about that pervert earlier. If I hadn't been passing along on my walk to the store, I wouldn't have been able to prevent all the things that he would've done to her. And it's strange to admit this, but I would've killed that guy just for flirting with her even after she told him to stop. But, even with everything that jerk did, I knew it would scare (Y\N) to know I killed someone just to protect her. I didn't want to seem like some creepy yandere from one of Undyne's animes. So, with great hesitation, I had to let him walk free.

I inhaled sharply and pulled a toothpick out of my pocket and placed it in my mouth. I wished it was a real cigarette, but if Sans found out that I smoked in the house, he'd surely be pissed. And, I don't want to upset my lil' bro on his special day, so I'll stay obedient to the rule that he has enforced. At least, for today. 

I find that cigarettes help me best in the moments where my mind is caught up with conflicting feelings. Whether it's stress, anxiety, depression, or really anything else, smoking cigarettes has been a habit I've developed to take the edge off of things. But there's a new feeling that's made me feel the need to smoke even more. Love. 

It wasn't long after I met (Y\N) when I realized that I had begun to like her. It made me feel like an idiot, but I started liking her the night she ate dinner with us. Even if we had fought with each other that night, as soon as she left... I realized that I was being a jerk. I shouldn't have assumed that she was some anti-monster movement supporter. But there was just something so gentle about her nature with how she interacted so kindly with Sans. I knew she was a good person after that. 

And yeah, I admit that I was a complete sucker for liking a girl so quickly after all that I've been through, but I can't help it. Every time I see her, I get happy and can't help but smile. Her smile melts my heart and her (e\c) eyes are as pretty as the Echo Flowers in Waterfall. She's just such an adorable person and with every time I see her, I begin to like her more and more. 

But, there's a downside to my love. I'm just a mere skeleton. A plain old skeleton made of magic and bones. I'm not some complex and attractive human being. I mean, if she turned down going on dates with the shit-stick Mr. Smith, why would she ever like a guy like me? 

Mr. Smith, he has the looks, the charm, the money, the car, the life... But she didn't seem to want to get involved with him, even if hundreds of women probably see him as the perfect bachelor. I of course see him as some slick and untrustworthy used car salesman, and perhaps she does as well. But even with the way he looked at her, she didn't even notice. So, how could she possibly love me if Smith has so much more to offer compared to me? 

And, that's why love makes me smoke. Because I know that I can't be with her romantically, and I especially don't want to break apart our budding friendship. So, I'm stuck in a silence of hiding my true feelings which I know, will slowly tear my heart apart. But, I've been through worse. So, certainly this won't be that terrible, right?