I Am Not Your Master; I Am Your Partner: A (Neko) Dan and (Human) Phil Series

"I Want That Too"

"Dan? Are you absolutely certain?" Phil held both of Dan's hands between his own.

"I'm positive." Dan looked him directly in the eyes. "I can't explain it Phil, but I know that she's my mum." Phil wasn't really doubting Dan, in fact, he trusted Dan's intuition as much as his own. His asking was more out of shock than disbelief. Dan knew this too and took absolutely no offense.

"What do you want to do Dan?" Phil turned in his seat to face him. The evening's darkness make it nearly impossible to see his husband's face clearly. He couldn't wait to get to the hotel.

"I don't know...I don't even know if she knows who I am. I mean, I feel like she does, but what if I'm wrong Phil?" Dan seemed calm under the circumstances, and Phil wondered if the reality of the situation would hit him later.

"Wrong about what Sweetheart?" Phil hoped that Dan wasn't questioning his instincts. He had never been wrong.

"What if I'm wrong about her knowing who I am?" If she knew, she would say something, right?" Dan looked down at his lap. Certainly she would have taken the opportunity to speak to him if she knew? Wouldn't a mother know her own son?

"Not necessarily Dan." Phil slipped his hand in the cozy space between Dan's coat and his neck. "I imagine there are many reasons why a mother would keep quiet. Perhaps she isn't confident about her own intuition, or maybe she is nervous. I would guess that she is scared Dan, and probably feeling guilty as well." Dan seemed to consider all of these reasons, nodding and pulling his lower lip inside of his mouth to keep himself from crying. Phil knew what was happening and leaned in to support his husband.

"Shhhh, Dan, come here Sweetheart." Dan closed his eyes and tucked his head into Phil's warm and familiar neck. Phil held him and rubbed his back underneath the weight of his coat.

They sat together, Dan curled up inside of Phil, for the rest of the rest of the drive.
* * *

"Do you want me to wash your hair Baby?" Phil unpacked their personal items and pulled two of their own towels from his suitcase.

"Yes please." Dan had been awfully quiet since they checked into their room near the seaside. He appreciated that Phil wanted to soothe him this way. Nothing made him feel more loved than his Daddy's care. Dan knew that he would feel better after a shower and good night's sleep.

"Come on then Sweetheart. Let's get in the shower. Let me take care of you, yeah?" Phil held out both hands to Dan, who was sitting on the edge of the too-small bed. Dan graciously accepted, and they stepped in to the walk-in shower.

Phil's hands felt good in his hair. He practically massaged away the mess of confusion with his fingertips. Dan leaned into his touch and allowed his head to be fully supported by Phil.

Phil wondered if they should return in the morning. He would offer it to Dan after he had a chance to think.

"Thank you." Dan had said. And "thank you" he repeated. Phil hadn't forgotten their discussion that morning after Dan's dream. It occurred to Phil that perhaps Dan really had said all that he needed to say. He decided not to push.

Dan seemed to really enjoy his husband's hands over his skin. He closed his eyes and submitted to Phil's care. The familiar scent of their Lotus Flower body wash comforted him. No matter what happened, he was home with Phil.

Phil was his family; the Lesters were his family. He was loved and valued and supported unconditionally. His mother had not given him any of these things, yet by giving him up, she gave him all of these things.