Dear Taehyung, (MxM)

54. Friends

"How long have we been friends for?" 

I ask Mika as I pull the resistance band from my physical therapist. Mika sits beside me on the plastic mat with his legs crossed. For the past two days since I've woken up, he follows everywhere I go, like a loyal service dog, helping me whenever I needed it without question. He refused to leave my side and I found his behavior strange for a complete stranger to me.

 I had asked Peter if the guy was secretly insane like that nanny I had that attacked Alejandro and I. But he assured me Mika was harmless and could never bring himself to hurt a fly, so I trusted my brother's judgment. 

 "A few years, since Tae was about four years old so almost five years now," He says and takes a small nibble of a granola bar. I had to admit, he was really cute with his swirled purple hair and sweet light brown eyes that almost looked hazel when the sun hit them just right. He sits beside me in white converse with ripped jeans that showed off his skinny legs and a tight white t-shirt to define the muscles on his scrawny figure. I quickly turn my attention back to the physical therapist, wanting to hit myself for checking out my so-called friend.

"How did we meet?" I ask and he scratches the back of his head with a questioning look as if he's trying to remember it himself.

"While I was in college I worked at a coffee shop. One day you walked in and poof, we were instant buddies," He giggles before taking another bite of the granola. I could sense the sad hint in his voice when he said this and although Mika was always smiling and appeared to be a happy and joyful person, I felt like my body was extra sensitive towards him. Like even though he was smiling, I could tell there was a deep sadness he was masking. And that sadness had something to do with me. 

"Where do you work now?" I ask and my therapist moves me to the ballet bars, as Mika called them. Where I could start learning how to walk again.

"I'm a lawyer, I focus mostly on criminal stuff but I decided to take a hiatus so I could be here with you. I'm also taking some online classes and studying corporate law at night so I can maybe switch over but I haven't decided yet," He says and grabs hold of my arm, helping me out of the wheelchair so I could stand up and walk with the supports.

"I must mean a lot to you if you went on leave just so you could take care of me. Are you sure I'm not more than just a friend to you?" I ask, feeling slightly suspicious but he shakes his head.

"Hopefully you'll remember one day, but you were always there for me when I needed you. So now I'm just returning the favor," he says and I take one step forward.

"Was I nice to you?" I ask, struggling to take another step, but instead of feeling embarrassed in front of Mika, I felt strangely comforted by his presence. The therapist wanted me to try to take five steps today and I tell my leg to move.

"You were only nice to me," His soft tone catches my ears and I manage to take another step.

"Did you know Alejandro?" I ask and his smile falters for just a second, telling me there had to be something deeper in that question. 

"Yes, but I don't think he liked me," He says and I glance over to him.

"He didn't like a lot of people. I hope you didn't take it personally," I try to explain and his smile returns, although it wasn't as bright as before.

"You're certainly right about that," he says with a small giggle and I take another step in the right direction.

"Tell me about Alejandro. I'm afraid I only knew him in passing," He says and I think to myself for a moment, with one step left before I reached my goal.

"He was complicated, difficult, and downright strange sometimes and there was never a dull moment with Ali around," I say and try to gain the momentum to take another step. 

"He sounds like an adventure," Mika says and I grip the bar in both my palms. Something was bothering me.

"I loved him. I really did. I almost married him, but then...life got in the way of that," I say and pause, tilting my head down to the light blue mats laid spread out on the floor. A flashback comes to mind as I try to remember but all my memories felt blurred in a sense. 

"There was something else," I say aloud in hopes that maybe getting it out in the open would clear the fog in my head.

"Something else? What do you mean?" he asks and I lean forward a bit. As I do, he reaches out his arms to stable me in case this was me losing my balance but I wasn't. The moment he touches me, a strange sensation connects him to the fog, but I couldn't figure out why.

"Someone...someone else I think," I ask and he gives my arm a gentle squeeze.

"Pierce, don't think too hard. You're going to burn yourself out and you're only one step away," He coaxes me back but I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like the missing piece was staring me straight in the face, just fluttering on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't remember it.

"There was someone else I loved. I think...I think I loved them more than Alejandro. But I can't remember them. Where are they? Why aren't they here?" I asked Mika and he lets go of my arm, looking away. 

"You were my best friend right? Then you had to know them, I don't know if it was a guy or a girl but I know it was a person I could never...never forget," I find myself saying but here I was being a hypocrite because I did forget them.

"Pierce," The sound of Mika's voice feels eery to me as I look up once more to find him standing in front of me, at the other end of the bar.

"Just one more step," He says with a gentle wave, beckoning me to come towards him just another inch. 

And I do, step, after step, after step after step. 

Regaining my lost balance and letting go of the bars I walk until I reach the very end until Mika and I stand chest to chest. 

Once he gets over his sudden shock, with his mouth dropped to the floor, he quickly wraps his arms around my shoulders and squeals with delight.

"Oh my god! Pierce!" He yells and I manage to pull one arm around him while holding the bar for support. My heart beating at a mile a minute as I couldn't believe I had just done that. Mika pulls away from me and seeing his genuine smile filled me with a warmth that was previously unknown. Having him so close to me felt different. It felt natural for some reason. My best friend then takes a step back and looks around to see everyone else in the studio was watching us. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to knock you off your feet," he giggles and Holds out his arm as he helps me back to my wheelchair, but I'm left wishing I could have held him for longer.