The most exhilarating rollercoaster, theme park franchise has finally opened up right next to you, it's not Disneyland but it comes pretty close.
You and your friends are one of the first people to arrive on the day of the grand opening.
You're beyond excited to travel 81 mph.
After hours of waiting you make it to the front of the line, next thing you know you're buckling up your seatbelt, and your face falls off!
Just kidding, but in the next 3 minutes you're kissing the ground, wondering how astronauts survive their training.
As you are turning around to celebrate your survival with your friends, you hear a distinct sound...
Your best friend has just puked her guts on your brand new, white sweater!
And now it's no longer white...
As much as the Vomiter could not control who or what the Vomitee would be. You're still entitled to get angry and upset.
HOW NOT TO THROW A BITCH FIT & RUIN EVERYONE'S DAY:
Gag Reflex:
Remember, when one person throws up, others tend to follow. And if they do, run! Jump into the cage filled with lions. They are probably better friends and can handle their roller-coasters.
RIP Dignity:
As difficult as it will be. Do. NOT. Die. Please.
But remove it ASAP. Get to a bathroom. Cut the line subtly if you must. Refer to the Conservative Method in off-the-hook for any line cutting woes you may have.
You've Got A Friend In Me:
Assuming your sweater was the only thing you wore. You'll DEFINITELY need another shirt. Get a friend to help you out. People typically bring towels and costumes to theme parks. Perhaps someone has a spare shirt.
Dear Future Self,
Always pack a spare set of clothes when visiting the roller-coaster wonderland, or going out with this particular friend.
Survivor Of The Death Wave:
If all else fails, you might have to cough up the cash for one of those ridiculously over priced, "I survived the Death Wave" shirts. Your wallet may be a LOT lighter, but at least you've got a clean vomit free shirt. And if the Vomiter offers to pay for it, let her. Then you're squared, unless her chunks went into your hair. If that's the case, then her life is YOURS.
◼⬛◼
Stay at home.
Don't make friends.
Buy as many white sweaters you want.
YOU ARE READING
Double D's
RandomEtiquette noun et·i·quette \ˈe-ti-kət, -ˌket\ : the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life Join us (secret assholes in disguise), give you advice on the DO's an...
