Double D's

oh-boy

Love is in the air — shyly holding hands, soft giggles, longing gazes, and the whole nine yards of the early stages of romance and all. It’s a beautiful moment, that is, for only the couple in question. And sadly, you’re not a part of this couple. Instead of your own heart pounding relationship, you’re stuck with your best friend and her new boyfriend being a grossly sweet couple. Everyone, and we mean even the old lady down the street, knows.

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your cat for heaven’s sake because they’re making everyone within a ten mile radius sick.

HOW TO DEAL WITH ROMANCE DIALED UP TO AN ELEVEN:

Tale As Old As Time:
Of course, this wouldn’t be a proper Double D’s chapter if we didn’t have a *mature* adult option. If you couldn’t immediately tell, this choice involves sitting down and explaining your side of the argument while listening to theirs and remaining in a civil manner. Although this option isn’t as fun as some of the ones to be listed later, communication and consideration is key.

Oprah:
Your friend thinks that she can project her mushiness onto you just because she has a boyfriend? Well there’s only one way to solve that issue then. It’s obviously for EVERYONE TO GET A BOYFRIEND! You get a boyfriend! Your neighbor gets a boyfriend! Even that turtle that sometimes shows up in your backyard gets a boyfriend! If everyone has a boyfriend, then either your friend will get sick of seeing everyone else and realize how sappy she is too, or everyone else will be so preoccupied that they won’t notice anymore. Win-win for  everyone.

PSA:
What’s the greatest non-violent means of intimidation? Peer pressure! Get together your friendly neighborhood community of concerned people and have a classic intervention. We’re not saying you have to do this, but laying it on heavy in hopes of guilt tripping the over-affectionate couple helps majorly. Let them know how serious this issue truly is because honestly, functioning with minimal cringe is key to survival. That means that if this continues on, no one else will be able to survive, and we don’t want that, don’t we?

Sweet Summer Child:
Since they’re a new couple, they’re only just in the infatuation stage. Everything is new, so that’s why they’re having such intense emotions right now. That goes to say that this won’t last forever. Bunker down and wait until winter comes. As soon as they realize that they’re not, in fact, in a relationship with a perfect person, they’ll stop clinging to each other like the end of the world is here.

All or Nothing:
You’re a reasonable person. You’re not upset that your best friend is dating, only that it’s on display for the world to see. There’s only one way to honorably take this bull by the horns. CHALLENGE THE OFFENDER TO A DUEL! It may be a battle of wits or a sparring match. The stakes? All or nothing (i.e. either “you stop this nonsense” or “I’ll never say anything about it again.”) Fight honorably— your mental sanity is at risk. When the dust and smoke settles and the victor is declared, hold your end of the deal like a true warrior. (The writers of the Double D’s pray for your swift victory.)

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Who else is waiting for a fictional character to save them from this disastrous world?