Double D's

wedding-bells

There you are — sitting in an over-the-top and very uncomfortable dress, surrounded by dozens of loudly sobbing middle aged women. Obviously everyone here must be masochists AND sadists for having pulled you into this supposedly happy event — an outdoor wedding during January in Minnesota.

Needless to say, dearest reader, ya ain't having it.

Now, if the uncomfortable physical situation isn't enough for you, don't worry. There's the awkward social situation you have to deal with:

WHOSE WEDDING ARE EVEN AT?

Is it a close family friend that your parents just forgot to mention for literally all of your life? Or is it your ninth cousin seventeen times removed? Was it their way of fulfilling their great covenant with God in exchange for a child?

Who knows. All you know is that at this very moment, you're seated in unknown territory with the only familiar faces being your VERY occupied parents!

HOW TO TURN THIS PREDICAMENT AROUND:

Love In A Hopeless Place:

Obviously, the bride and groom are in love, but that doesn't mean you can't experience the thrill of romance either. See that cute dude over there that keeps looking at you with his gorgeous dimpled smile? Maybe fate would have you become a thing. But if you're currently at a wedding that includes some weird convoluted extension of your family, it's probably best to just stick to your palette of boys that includes literally all the boys except the ones who exist here. Better safe than sorry, boo.

Social Grace:

You obviously have mad socialization skills. You know you can manoeuvrer any social dilemma with the classic smile and nod, or the occasional eyebrow furrow accompanied with a firm yet understanding nod and an oh my even when you honestly have no idea what you're reacting to. Truthfully, maybe your body is there, but you sure aren't. Your eyes are so glazed over that you make doughnuts jealous.

Crank It To An Eleven:

Cue dramatic spotlight, "WHY IS IT NEVER ME? WHY CAN'T TRUE LOVE COME MY WAY? WHEN WILL MY PRINCE CHARMING COME?"

You lament loudly.  Sometimes the only way to end an awkward social situation is by creating an even bigger social situation. Just remember while you're doing your not-so elaborate and VERY extra ruse, you need to make sure you don't get dirt on your equally extra dress while you're rolling on the floor. Bonus points if you get kicked out the wedding. Maybe, if you're lucky, you can hitch hike your way to the nearest McDonalds.

Disclaimer Sweet Reader: Please don't hitch hike. This action isn't condoned by the Double D's. Be careful!

Drown Your Sorrows:

You know what is the best about weddings? THE FOOD. Who cares if you can't pronounce half the the fancy French foods you're stuffing in your mouth? Right now you're having your only moment of peace during this unnecessarily chaotic event. Perhaps filling your stomach full of various hors d'oeuvres isn't the best idea when you're wearing an already tight dress, but on the plus side, it will only make take the dress off later even more satisfying.

Anyone you know who's getting married soon? If it's not you, no need to diet! Just buy an elastic dress and hopes it doesn't snap :0

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Hope you guys are having a good week! Drop us some comments :)