The Last Great Seduction

Chapter Eleven

I was more than upset. Granted, I was the one that was holding off, but I knew that right now, I couldn't be the woman that Shawn wanted and needed. Even after five years, I still wasn't that woman. I knew that Rihanna wasn't that woman either, but I was sure that she was more vocal about her feelings than I was. Truthfully? I was scarred. I knew that Shawn was going to want a family and marriage. Ever since my relationship with Jermaine, there was a disconnect in that aspect. I was angry. I had grown very angry at the world. There were certain songs that I had to sing nightly, and I sang them with so much passion. I meant every word of songs like "Crazy in Love", "Smash Into You", "Broken-Hearted Girl", and "Hello". A lot of those songs are written based on my relationship with Shawn.

It was a moment like this that I wished that I could just be alone. I wanted to do like a normal heartbroken girl would do – lock herself in her bedroom with a ton of snacks and watch an abundance of Lifetime movies. "Bey Bey," Daniel said, coming into my room.

He stared me right in the face as I laid there. My eyes were red, because I refused to allow them see me cry. "I'm fine, baby, you still hungry?"

Quickly, he nodded his head. I knew he was hungry. He had me making beef stew. It was weird that a five year old enjoyed something like that, but I couldn't help but to make it. I would have made whatever Julian wanted, but he told me that he didn't care. I got up and picked Danny up.

"You wanna stay with Nana for a while?" I asked him. Until I could figure out what I needed to do with these kids, I needed them to stay with my mother. I knew it was going to be a huge burden on her, but it was my only hope.

"You want yogurt pops for dessert?"

"Yesss!" He screamed in my ear.

I laughed and sat him down on the counter near the sink. "Wanna be my helper?" I asked him as I pulled out the stuff for the yogurt pops. I saw him nod his head. I simply pointed to the sink, prompting him to wash his hands.

I grabbed some yogurt out of the refrigerator and told him to slowly pour them into the trays. I handed him pretzel sticks to stick inside. It was cute how he was so fascinated by the whole thing.

Julian soon came downstairs and just stared at me. "Can I call my dad?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't care. Why?"

"Cause I want to go over his house," he told me.

"Why?"

Julian looked at me weirdly. "Because I want to play the game with Rih."

It hurt a bit, but I simply nodded my head. "My phone's in my room, I guess. You sure you don't want to go over Nana's house with Danny?"

"Uh, I'll pass," Julian said, walking off.

I nodded my head and looked at Daniel. He wasn't paying us any attention. Quietly, I went ahead and started finishing up dinner.

Once I started letting the food cool off, Kelly called me.

"Hello?" I answered.

"You know you're still doing the tour, right?" She told me.

I couldn't help but laugh. I was glad that she knew me a bit to know not to cancel my whole damn tour. "I know, girl. Thank you for not listening to me."

"Yeah, I figured something just happened and you were freaking out. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just got to figure out how I can juggle the kids now."

"Alone?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Well, Shawn can't keep Julian until school gets out?"