Chapter Thirty One

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Was I done with Shawn? I honestly didn't know. I did know that I was tired of being a victim of his abuse. Just like it wasn't easy for him to be called a rapist, it wasn't easy for me to describe him as one. I never wanted to paint that picture of Shawn, which is why I generally kept my mouth shut about a lot of things. I did a lot of protecting, and it was always bad on my end.

When things happened with Jermaine, if you weren't at that wedding, you didn't hear it from my mouth. I didn't like talking about it, and I thought I had moved on until he resurfaced.

Even after everything else happened, I didn't talk about it. They were sentenced, and I went back to my life.

Same thing with Shawn's first rape attack. I took only a few days to just think about it, and I forgave him. The miscarriage, I literally took about a week to deal with it, but I never truly did.

I knew that there were a lot of things that I just never dealt with. I was supposed to be this strong person, and I wanted to remain that way.

Sighing, I walked into the office building. I was right on time for this little meeting. Ms. Brenda wanted me to come to the reading of Ashley's will. Truthfully, I didn't even know that Ashley had made a will, but I was glad that she did. Hopefully, though, she actually had something to leave for her mother and baby girl. With my shades on, I navigated through the office building and went to the one that she had told me.

I smiled as I entered, greeting Ms. Brenda and the lawyer.

"Okay, I know this is Ms. Brenda, and who are you?" He questioned, politely.

Before I could say anything, Ms. Brenda interjected, "Oh! This is like a daughter to me, Melanie. I wanted her to be here."

He nodded his head. "Melanie? I've been trying to get in contact with a Melanie Knowles. Is that you, perhaps?"

"Uh," I was nervous, "yes, is there any reason why?"

"You're listed in the will."

I was shocked, and really was intrigued. Had I known that Ashley had really taken these types of steps, I probably would've forgiven her sooner.

The man opened a folder and soon began reading straight from a typed piece of paper. "I don't really know how to start one of these things off, so I'll just jump right into it. Mama, Brenda Harris, if you're still alive during the reading of this, I firstly want to apologize for all the pain that I've caused you. I want you to continue to raise my precious baby. I have to also left you all the money that I have left over. I know it's not a lot, but I just want to help. Mama, please, also respect my final wish to not allow baby girl to see or speak to Jermaine until she is old enough to make that decision. Even when she's old enough to make it, Mama please watch over her."

I glanced over to Ms. Brenda and she looked satisfied. I was more focused on the fact that Ashley and I had both put in our wills for our children to not see Jermaine. That says a lot.

"Melanie Knowles, my best friend and the woman that I look up to – I love you. I know that I caused a lot of pain and turmoil in your life and for that, I am truly sorry. I will not blame anyone else for actions. Obviously, due to my situation, I have nothing grand to offer or leave you, but I do know your heart. I do ask that you remember the night before graduation. Everything we wished, I want you to do, Melanie. I believe in you, and I love you."

I smiled while listening to him. The night before graduation, we were sleeping at my house. Ashley randomly asked me what I wanted to do in life, and I started talking about things such as helping children. I wanted to be successful enough to send one child to college every year. I wanted to build things for children such as camps and schools. Obviously, I wasn't really doing that right now.

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