Maybe you need me....

Chapter sixteen

Dinner had went over in utter silence which surprised me a little because I'd thought he wanted to talk, but I appreciated that he kept quiet and let me enjoy my lasagna. Afterwards I'd cleaned the table and walked back out to sit down on my chair across from him, to finally get everything off my chest. But to my dislike he started talking first.

„Are you pissed?"

„Do I have a reason?" I asked back sarcastically.

„So you are! Wanna tell me what pissed you off?"

„I hope you have time..." I said coldly and he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Let's go!

„I really think you don't know what you're doing to me, Marshall. I mean, I admit, I'm terrible in expressing my feelings, but I swear you're way worse. I came back from New York, happy to see you again and told you that I missed you and what do you say? Cool!" I shook my head about the memory while he had furrowed his eyebrows. „Ever since I came here, whenever I think we have some kind of connection, you bombard it and back out. One time you want me to stay and get mad at me if I tell you about my doubts and then, when I get my mind on finding a way for us and I try to open up, you shut me down."

„Chris...."

„I am not finished, Mathers!" I cutted him off aggravated and he widened his eyes. „I've debated with myself if I should even tell you this and normally you wouldn't deserve to hear this from me, but I have to say it once to get it off my chest." I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the impact my next words might have. „I'm in love with you!"

He completely lost the ability to control his face and his jaw dropped, but I wasn't finished yet.

„I know that it's much too early for things like that to happen. Well, it is what it is, but since you rather stayed with your ex last night, than be here and wait what would happen, you screwed your chance with me. So whatever you wanted to tell me, you can spare your breath, because to me it means nothing." I exhaled in relief that I'd finally said what was weighing so heavy on me while I leaned back and waited for his reaction.

Marshall was completely quiet and when he couldn't hold my gaze anymore, he let his head fall down and stared in his lap.

Don't feel sorry for him... Don't you dare to feel sorry for him now!

As much as I screamed at myself internally, it was useless. How couldn't you feel sorry for someone you was in love with, when he sat kind of broken in front of you? But once again, Marshall surprised me, when he suddenly jumped up and looked at me. I swear I could see a hint of tears in his eyes but way too fast he regained his composure and nodded.

„You can leave whenever you want!" And then he stormed inside.

WHAT THE FUCK????

I don't know how many times I'd shaken my head in an attempt to comprehend what had just happened. Deep down I'd hoped that he would finally open up and tell me what he felt for me, but that was a perfect example for how he was. The second I'd told him that he had screwed his chance with me now, I saw him pulling all his guards up again. Yes, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted him to feel what I'd felt this morning when Martha had told me where he had stayed but I'd probably accomplished something else. Now he seemed pissed and I was more than sure that I'd definitely lost him for good.

Since Thursday I hadn't talked or hardly seen Marshall and today was Sunday, evening to be exact.

My last hours to spend in Detroit, with him.